futurehope1987

I'm not sure where I want to start, I'm a newcomer to the site...

I don't have a story about relapsing or drug use, I am family to an addict, and I just feel hopeless...

I have been dating my boyfriend on and off for ten years now...we just got back together after being separated for about three years, due to his addiction problems, this time for some reason a really believed it was going to be different, he seem really serious about it, and for a little while it was, we got back together about three months ago and everything seems to be falling apart again. I can see that he really wants to change things, but he is not looking for help, he seems to think that he can do it on his own, and at least to me in obvious that he can't do it on his own. I have tried to help telling him that I will help him look for rehab centers, a sponsor something, but he seems to brush it off... I am to the point that I know I have to leave him; it is not only his alcoholism and drug use, but he seems to have come to a place where he knows I am going to be there no matter what happens, so he just keeps disrespecting me. For example, we would talk about him not drinking during the week to start with, and when I get to his house he would be drinking a beer, and I know that he has a problem, but I feel that he just knows I am going to be there and does as he pleases with no regards for me.

I'm not sure how to move on, although I know that after so long the right thing to do is to leave him.

doggonecarl

Sorry for what brings you here. Sorry you are finding that alcohol and addiction can squeeze the hope of a better future right out of you.

I think you know what to do. It isn't easy, but you can only take care of yourself. Time for your bf to see the consequences of failing to recover.

least

Moving on might be painful now but will save you more pain in the long run. Ten years is a long time to wait for someone to change.

Dejvice

If he really wanted to CHANGE and was committed to it he would take all the HELP he could get.

Alcoholics / addicts always have some reason/excuse, among them being able to quit on your own. It just buys them more time to continue what they do.

2granddaughters

Al-Anon will be able to help you get your life back. Their number will be in your phone book.

All the best.

Bob R

Dib42

I often find myself doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results (insanity). If he's been trying to quit on his own for this long, and hasn't.. then he won't.

Ultimatums are fine. Pack up your stuff and leave, say you'll only return when they begin attending some sort of support group.

Ultimately this relationship is doomed unless there are changes . . . why prolong the inevitable?

artsoul

Welcome, futurehope!

I'm sorry for your situation but glad you're reaching out for support. You may want to check out the family/friends section:
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

futurehope1987

I really appreciate what everyone has to say...and yes I know what to do, I'm just really scared of how long it's gonna take me to recover...

doggonecarl

I'm going to bet it's faster than your boy friend. Good luck.