This is my 3rd attempt to tell my life
So Tired of this
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 23
This is my 3rd attempt to tell my life
I have lived with an alcoholic husband for 20 years. Our children are 17 and 14. They are fully aware that their father is a drunk. I was told to start a new thread, so this is my situation.
My husband is famous for waking up in the middle of the night and urinating in places other than the toilet. His most recent offense was while on vacation, going into the closet and peeing on my suitcase. It was 2:45 am and I was furious. He was drunk and mouthy and kept telling me how he tried and tried and tried to find the bathroom but just had no choice. He claims he wasn't drunk, but he was. He peed on our dog crate with our dog in it the first night we brought her home. He has peed on my daughters floor, he has peed on our bathroom rug. He passes out. He gets a scary look in his eyes. He drinks in excess and then sleeps away his day. He brought home 8 cases of beer not too long ago and I got rid of all of them. He turns on me and blames me, saying I chase misery by wanting to argue. I am sad, tired and sick of all of it. Mostly I am sick for our kids who are hurting and they have very little respect for him. He ruins everything with his drinking. I tried talking to him about it this morning but of course he turns it all on me and blames me for his drinking. Says I make him walk around on egg shells. Hhhmmmm, pretty sure it is the other way around. How do I tell him it is time for him to move out or get help? He denies he has a problem. Over 20 years I have seen the progression of alcoholism. It is not pretty. I just want a solution.
My husband is famous for waking up in the middle of the night and urinating in places other than the toilet. His most recent offense was while on vacation, going into the closet and peeing on my suitcase. It was 2:45 am and I was furious. He was drunk and mouthy and kept telling me how he tried and tried and tried to find the bathroom but just had no choice. He claims he wasn't drunk, but he was. He peed on our dog crate with our dog in it the first night we brought her home. He has peed on my daughters floor, he has peed on our bathroom rug. He passes out. He gets a scary look in his eyes. He drinks in excess and then sleeps away his day. He brought home 8 cases of beer not too long ago and I got rid of all of them. He turns on me and blames me, saying I chase misery by wanting to argue. I am sad, tired and sick of all of it. Mostly I am sick for our kids who are hurting and they have very little respect for him. He ruins everything with his drinking. I tried talking to him about it this morning but of course he turns it all on me and blames me for his drinking. Says I make him walk around on egg shells. Hhhmmmm, pretty sure it is the other way around. How do I tell him it is time for him to move out or get help? He denies he has a problem. Over 20 years I have seen the progression of alcoholism. It is not pretty. I just want a solution.
So Tired of this
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 23
My life and it makes me sad
This is a third attempt to tell my life in the correct spot. Please forgive me, this last week has been pure Hell and I don't think my mind is seeing everything clearly. I have lived with an alcoholic husband for 20 years. Our children are 17 and 14. They are fully aware that their father is a drunk. I was told to start a new thread, so this is my situation.
My husband when drunk will wake up in the middle of the night and start urinating in places other than the toilet. His most recent offense was while on vacation, going into the closet and peeing on my suitcase. It was 2:45 am and I was furious. He was drunk and mouthy and kept telling me how he tried and tried and tried to find the bathroom but just had no choice. He claims he wasn't drunk, but he was. He peed on our dog crate with our dog in it the first night we brought her home. He has peed on my daughters floor, he has peed on our bathroom rug. He passes out. He gets a scary look in his eyes. He drinks in excess and then sleeps away his day. He brought home 8 cases of beer not too long ago and I got rid of all of them. He turns on me and blames me, saying I chase misery by wanting to argue. I am sad, tired and sick of all of it. Mostly I am sick for our kids who are hurting and they have very little respect for him. He ruins everything with his drinking. I tried talking to him about it this morning but of course he turns it all on me and blames me for his drinking. Says I make him walk around on egg shells. Hhhmmmm, pretty sure it is the other way around. How do I tell him it is time for him to move out or get help? He denies he has a problem. Over 20 years I have seen the progression of alcoholism. It is not pretty. He is not the man I first married. He seems paranoid and angry.
My husband when drunk will wake up in the middle of the night and start urinating in places other than the toilet. His most recent offense was while on vacation, going into the closet and peeing on my suitcase. It was 2:45 am and I was furious. He was drunk and mouthy and kept telling me how he tried and tried and tried to find the bathroom but just had no choice. He claims he wasn't drunk, but he was. He peed on our dog crate with our dog in it the first night we brought her home. He has peed on my daughters floor, he has peed on our bathroom rug. He passes out. He gets a scary look in his eyes. He drinks in excess and then sleeps away his day. He brought home 8 cases of beer not too long ago and I got rid of all of them. He turns on me and blames me, saying I chase misery by wanting to argue. I am sad, tired and sick of all of it. Mostly I am sick for our kids who are hurting and they have very little respect for him. He ruins everything with his drinking. I tried talking to him about it this morning but of course he turns it all on me and blames me for his drinking. Says I make him walk around on egg shells. Hhhmmmm, pretty sure it is the other way around. How do I tell him it is time for him to move out or get help? He denies he has a problem. Over 20 years I have seen the progression of alcoholism. It is not pretty. He is not the man I first married. He seems paranoid and angry.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Southwest
Posts: 1,207
Hi. Welcome. Have you gone to any Al-anon meetings? That's where I found my strength. And I didn't even go all that often. It was such a relief to be in a place where everybody already knew my story.
box of chocolates
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,013
Sounds like he has it good. He pees everywhere like a unpottied trained puppy drinks until he passes out and as upset as you are. He can just brush it off and continue on.
I would highly suggest alanon and setting boundaries
You wouldnt allow your children to act up without punishment
The same applies to your husband
I wouldnt be taking him on vacation either. You nor your children deserve
A vacation like that
I would highly suggest alanon and setting boundaries
You wouldnt allow your children to act up without punishment
The same applies to your husband
I wouldnt be taking him on vacation either. You nor your children deserve
A vacation like that
So Tired of this
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 23
No, I haven't. I know that is my next stop....just gotta swallow my pride and go to one. Seems unfair I have to go to a meeting when I am not the one drinking. I sound angry! I need to quit being mad and find resolution to the situation. Thanks for the suggestion - many of my friends have recommended the same. 
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: manchester new hampshire
Posts: 13
I agree with thislonelygirl.....Al-anon is a good place to start, I reacted to my exagf with out understanding the disease. It could have saved me a lot of heart ache knowing the things I know now from SR and Al-anon....there is hope geppster
So Tired of this
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 23
Thank you, you are right, he has it way too good. And he screamed he wasn't coming with us next year on vacation, and yelled GREAT! We will have an awesome time then! Dumb to scream an the drunk but it felt good to yell back. I really don't want him along and my daughter asked me not to bring him next year so I don't plan to bring him again. I will start going to Al-anon. Thank you for saying there is hope - I need hope!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Southwest
Posts: 1,207
You don't HAVE to go to a meeting, you GET to go to a meeting. You have the opportunity to start taking your life back. The meetings will help you gather strength for you and your daughters.
It's okay to be angry. I was, and I think it's a reasonable reaction to the horror we find ourselves living in. I don't have to feel that way so much anymore, and letting go of it has given me a whole new life and way to live it.
It's okay to be angry. I was, and I think it's a reasonable reaction to the horror we find ourselves living in. I don't have to feel that way so much anymore, and letting go of it has given me a whole new life and way to live it.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
Al-anon will help. You'll meet people genuinely happy with life despite living with an alcoholic - and most importantly, you'll find out how they redirected their focus back to themselves and leading a happy, and peaceful life.. A bonus -you'll get to get it all off your chest to strangers that COMPLETELY empathize - same here in SR. ((HUGS))
So Tired of this
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 23
I have heard good things, I just have been so reluctant to attend. I don't understand how they get you to redirect the focus on me and lead a happy/peaceful life. I would love that. It just seems impossible with the way my life has been these 20 years. We have a shed....I just want him to move into the shed so we don't have to see him drinking. That would be so nice.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 762
Hi geppster,
I am sorry that you are going through this - when I read your post it rang bells as a friend of mine has been living the same life that you have for more than 20 years.
Her daughter as of 5 years old has had friends to stay over while my friend was out working and they played board games with her husband passed out on the floor...
He has peed in the bed next to her, on the radiators, in the wardrobe, and has crashed 3 family cars which had to be scrapped - luckily no fatalities so far.
She is now almost at the end of her tether but bless her she is trying desperately to hold onto the idyllic family life...which she has never had but desperately seeking still.
Take care of yourself. Maybe your doctor can help you find support too.
I am sorry that you are going through this - when I read your post it rang bells as a friend of mine has been living the same life that you have for more than 20 years.
Her daughter as of 5 years old has had friends to stay over while my friend was out working and they played board games with her husband passed out on the floor...
He has peed in the bed next to her, on the radiators, in the wardrobe, and has crashed 3 family cars which had to be scrapped - luckily no fatalities so far.
She is now almost at the end of her tether but bless her she is trying desperately to hold onto the idyllic family life...which she has never had but desperately seeking still.
Take care of yourself. Maybe your doctor can help you find support too.
So Tired of this
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 23
Oh, your poor friend. That is horrible. I hope your friend can see her way through her mess too. My kids know when their father is drunk and they just can't stand it. Sadly, when he is sober they want little to do with him then too. He has to be a lonely man, he drinks alone in our furnace room. Then he homes out and we all get to see what a mess he is. I have talked to my Dr. about this mess.
So Tired of this
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 23
My only choice is a divorce, which means selling all our assets and starting over again. Unless he magically decides not to drink. If I can figure out how to quit letting his actions upset me so much, I will be a much better place.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: northeast
Posts: 468
Originally Posted by geppster 
My only choice is a divorce, which means selling all our assets and starting over again. Unless he magically decides not to drink. If I can figure out how to quit letting his actions upset me so much, I will be a much better place.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 1,407
There is no need to "swallow pride" when you walk through those doors of AlAnon. You won't know a single person that first meeting, yet you will be among friends. All our stories have different twists, but they are all the same. Whatever you have been through, someone has been through the same or worse. You will draw from the experience, strength, and hope in those meetings. You will sincerely learn how to detach, set boundaries, and claim your life back. You will find yourself in a very safe place. AlAnon is NOT about the alcoholic, it is about YOU. I would also strongly encourage you to discuss Alateen with your kids.
In the meantime, don't pour out his liquor. Don't clean up his messes. Don't listen to his quacking alcoholic blame game. This has nothing to do with you. You didn't Cause it, can't Cure it, can't Control it. The A will blame shift constantly, doens't mean you have to own what he says.
In the meantime, don't pour out his liquor. Don't clean up his messes. Don't listen to his quacking alcoholic blame game. This has nothing to do with you. You didn't Cause it, can't Cure it, can't Control it. The A will blame shift constantly, doens't mean you have to own what he says.
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