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Old 03-28-2013, 08:40 AM
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I'm so glad I found this forum. I live with a functional alcoholic. He's okay during the days but by late afternoon, things are not good. Most evenings, he just blacks out in his chair. He can be verbally aggressive and there's just no talking to him about anything without setting him off. Next morning, he doesn't remember any of it. Basically, I've learned to cope by being quiet but I want to leave and need to leave but I'm really having trouble actually doing it. There's no talking to him about his drinking. He won't see a doctor and won't even admit he has a problem so an intervention or any hope of getting him into treatment is not possible. Just wondering if anyone could share their story or offer me some support. I'm having a hard time. I do have a therapist but can't afford to see him all the time.
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Old 03-28-2013, 10:26 AM
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hi sunnshinegirl, welcome to SR, and sorry for what brought you here. My best advice to you would be to educate yourself. The F&F forum & stickies here are a great start. There's also Al Anon and Smart Recovery, and I highly recommend a film called "Pleasure Unwoven" (which you can find in full on YouTube) to get insight into the disease model of alcoholism. It's an ugly disease, I don't think I have to tell you that. Knowing more about it doesn't make it any less ugly, but having a better understanding and some tools has made me feel a little less crazy.

As much as we want to, we can't sway them with our words. A's will only change of their own accord. If he's not ready/willing to quit drinking and seek sobriety/recovery, then he's just not. But that doesn't mean that YOU can't seek your own recovery and peace. Believe me, I know it's hard to find that peace while living with an actively drinking A. You can find your own happiness and peace and joy. Take some healthy steps for you! Nourish yourself. Take care of yourself. Determine your own personal boundaries - "I statements" of what you want and what you are willing to have in your life/home. I'm not going to tell you what to do here - only you can decide that, and you don't have to decide it all now. There's the saying, "Don't just doing something, stand there!" If you're not ready to make a decision, then if you are safe and not in physical danger, then there's no harm in making the decision to NOT make a decision right now.

Just do what feels right for you. And know that you are not alone in your journey. There's plenty of folks here who have been down these roads before and can help act as tour guides along the way. Sending you strength, hope, and hugs.
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Old 03-28-2013, 10:31 AM
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Welcome, Sunshine! I am very new here myself; I have only 2 suggestions I am able to offer right now:

1. Read as much as you can on this site, and in other areas of the forums too. There are some great links to resources, and there are many helpful articles posted as well as suggestions on books.

2. Alanon might be a good "in person" starting place for you. A couple of folks in this section of the forum have just posted about their first meeting. Here are the links: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...t-meeting.html and http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...8840-made.html

Sorry you are in a situation that brings you here but glad you found us; wishing you all the best
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Old 03-28-2013, 10:32 AM
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Thank you so much for your help and the links you provided. I think I have to leave because he is spending us into bankruptcy and all my efforts to stop his spending aren't working. I'm also just tired of being put down. I'm walking on eggshells and it's very hard to find peace but I try to stay positive. Just need some support from people who understand and can share. I'm so happy I've found this amazing forum and thank you again.
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Old 03-28-2013, 10:36 AM
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Please do stay in touch--there is a lot of wisdom, strength and experience on this site! It has helped me so much in the short time I've been here, and I am happy to be able to share that w/you. It seems there are many different paths to move forward on, and you will find one that is right for you. Hang on, and may you find some peace in your day today.
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