Recovery1983

Today is day 26 after relapsing at the end of February. This is what is so crazy. I can't believe I am thinking about using again. My sleeping pill prescription is at it's 30 day mark, and that means I can get another refill. It's 30 pills, and I know it wont last me very long. I keep thinking of that buzz that I'll get from taking a couple of them.

I'm replaying the tape in my head, and I'm going to an NA meeting at 6pm today. I told my sponsor last night that I was having these thoughts. My mind is already rationalizing the idea. I'm already trying to convince myself to call in for the refill, and if after the meeting I decide that I dont want it, i'll just leave it there. As I write this, that idea doesn't even make any f'kin sense. Why would I call in for the refill only to leave it there? I'm only saying that so that if I do decide that I want it, there wont be any wait for them to fill it. I can just drive there and pick it up.

This is insane and ridiculous. I don't even understand why it's such a hard choice. The right choice is simple, yet when I'm trying to do the pros/cons in my head, it almosts feels like the cons have no substantial weight behind them. There are definitely more cons than pros, but for some reason, i'm minimizing them.

Thanks for letting me rant.

TotalFreedom

What happens if you delete the thought of using an everything associated to it (feelings, things you say to yourself, all of it).

Recovery1983

I can't delete any of it. I'm the type of person who continuously is stuck in their head. I can be my best friend, but at the same time, I can also be my worst enemy. It's a big reason why I use or drink.

TotalFreedom

Have you made an attempt? You CAN do that unless you don't sincerely want to. Then you need to delete that first.

Everyone can do this. Just take the time to do it.

Mizzuno

What if you didnt call in the prescription today? Go to a meeting and wait until tomorrow. See what happens in the morning. You can do this.

least

I hope you don't give in to the urge to use.

Recovery1983

I ended up working out and going to a meeting. I'm still thinking about it, but I'll go to another meeting today.

sugarbear1

stick with those sober people.....all weekend if possible.....

If you want to stay stopped, you have the power to do so!

Nonsensical

It's NOT crazy that you're thinking about it. You're an addict. That's the nature of substance addiction - craving something you KNOW is bad for you.

Just don't DO anything about it. DO the things you know will help you get past it. Working out and meetings seemed to be helpful yesterday. Good job! Keep fighting!