pattyG

My life is spinning right now and I feel like i am on one of the spinning rides as a kid, desparately trying to hold on to the vision. I laid awake most of the night, worrying about talking to the babysitter. Thankful that it is almost done, scared because she has been a constant for 3 years, upset that this happened, thankful I have an out. My XAGF is posting horrible things about me on facebook, how I stole the kids, and ruined easter, etc. Evn though she has blocked me, i accessed it and printed a copy. We talk about no contact and such, but seldom does it have a bright line moment when you KNOW its going to happen. This is my bright line moment. Once the sitter is gone, all my ability to contact her is gone too. I know this is best for me and my kids. I guess i am just scared. I am hurt. I am angry at how much the A took, trying to take my kids, now my sitter (even tho its my sitter choice to participate in it), and my heart. Someone here said she was out to destroy me...I believe that. Her hate for me is real. It hurts inside that we ended up like this. let go or be dragged. I have to let go. I know it is best but it HURTS. I need peace right now. I need this anxiety to leave. I keep breathing in and out, i don't know what else to do.

DreamsofSerenity

Do something wonderful for yourself right now. Go get a massage, buy yourself a present, get your hair done--whatever feels like you are spoiling and loving yourself. Tackle the moment and this will pass.

What kind of person posts something negative about anyone, but especially an ex, on FB? This is utterly juvenile and asinine. I'm glad you printed it (although your probably shouldn't have been looking for it). If I were a judge, that would be enough right there to proove her incompetency as a parent. I'm sorry you had to read that but really it is only a reflection on how crazy she is.

Hugs to you...

FireSprite

(((HUGS))) I can almost feel your anxiety through the computer. Your post reminds me of the saying, "When a door closes, another opens but it's hell in the hallway." Anxiety is so unique for each person, you have to find the treatment that YOU respond best to & use what works.

Some ideas: Yoga - always my #1 choice because after years of practice I can slip into the 'zone' of it pretty effortlessly. It took me a while to learn enough about it to feel that way & during those classes I had to focus so intently on what I was learning that I never had time to think about my stresses. Even now, I get more out of classes vs. home practice because it forces me to leave home-at-home while I'm there.

Breathing exercises - these work especially well for me at night. I often fall asleep easily but have trouble STAYING asleep when I'm stressed. Falling back to sleep after waking is so difficult but focusing on my breathing exercises almost always helps within 10-15 mins.

Melatonin - Hallelujah for the invention of chewable pills that are mild & don't require a drink to take. I get them at the Dollar Tree (8 tabs/$1) & keep them on my nightstand so they are never too far away. I take them occasionally during high-stress to help get to sleep OR in the mid-of-nite if my breathing exercises don't work & I have at least 3 more hours to sleep. It's not like a sleeping pill, I don't wake all hungover feeling & have no problems waking if DD needs something during the night. I can go weeks without them & then use them for a few days when I feel out of sorts.

Permission for a Time-Out - sounds silly, but sometimes I find it helpful to just agree (with my Inner Self) to give myself time off from worrying. Like, "I'm so tired of thinking about *this* right now & there's nothing I can do about it until tomorrow anyway.... I'm going to think about *that & the other* until then & if I still feel like this, I can resume worrying about it." I KNOW how ridiculous this sounds, but giving myself permission to relax works for me at times!

I hope you feel better once you get your sitter situation straightened out, that has to be a pressing anxiety!