expenguin

I have to deal with a person in my life I care about so much ..... but Acceptance of his Relapse is dragging me down each day he has off from work....I dread these days with him and wish for better days that we could just go to the beach and walk through the past of where we met and where he proposed to me......

Thinking those days are just past moments and I have to think about my days at home and what I need to do to keep my life going....

Recovery is so much a part of my life and what I need to do for me.... but trying to keep the peace at this time is almost next to impossible.. God is there for me and I know that.

I have to accept what goes on and just move forward.....with patience and much more.


Today is another day and I just have to think about me and what I need to do for myself....I need to think about saving extra money on the side for emergencies.... for the times I will need that to bounce my life against ..

Yea.... I need to think about what might happen to him and to be sure I have all those extra plans arranged just in case.... because I never know what will happen when I wake up and find myself totally alone trying to pay all the bills and finish raising my kid........ I just don't want to think about being alone to do all this........ but I have to plan because I don't see my H. making changes for the better in his life.....

God is there for me and my recovery stuff I have to bounce things off .... I am grateful for that..... I read and write each day to keep my life moving forward....

I have had time that I needed to remind myself not to start arguing with a drunk...... it just doesn't go anywhere.....it only causes trouble....


Life gets so frustrating.....

It has been 10 months and moving forward with all this with my H.... but I have to think about my patience and peace of mind.... it is tough to find that quiet place to think and just get my own stuff done..... a walk is sometimes the answer... and taking my kid with me will help the two of us ... so we can talk...

Just for today ..... I have to ask God to keep helping me.....
I carry my cross each day ...... and accept it no matter what ... I have to.

Pelican

I have read your posts, the current and some of your previous posts.

I understand you have a strong faith in God. You have shared how you continue to pray daily. Some prayers asking God to make changes.

I support you in spending time in prayer.

Just for today ..... I have to ask God to keep helping me.....
I carry my cross each day ...... and accept it no matter what ... I have to.


My concern about your prayers for change, your tough acceptance, and your cross to bear is that your child does not have a choice. She is in an alcoholic environment because her sober sane parent is waiting for God to change the alcoholic.

This reminds me of the story of the man who prays to God in the midst of a flood.

if you have not heard the story of the man and the flood, here it is:
A man is sitting on his porch as flood waters rise. A woman floats by in a boat, asking if the man needs help. "No, thank you," says the man, "I'm trusting in the Lord."
The waters rise higher, sending the man upstairs. A raft full of people floats by his second story window. "Get in," they say, "there's plenty of room." "No thanks," says the man, "I'm trusting in the Lord."
The flood waters keep rising, pushing the man up to the roof. A helicopter swoops in, lowering its ladder for the man. "Thanks anyway," shouts the man, "I'm trusting in the Lord."
Finally, the man is swept away in the torrent and drowns. At the gates of Heaven, the man asks God, "Why didn't you save me?"

"What do you mean?'' replies God, "I sent two boats and a helicopter."

I understand you are limited in financial resources to support yourself and your child. Have you considered how much lower your living expenses would be without supporting an alcoholic?

A lawyer can offer a free consultation of what your rights would be in the event of a divorce.

Also, have you consulted Family Services organizations to see what benefits are available to you and your child without the alcoholics income?

expenguin

I have read this one comment and accept what is being said..... but I am not just that one person waiting for God to bail me out... I have made lots of decisions for what is still going on and now have to deal with the loss of a special animal to me... and my daughter.

Life will move forward in time with making me happier and keep the peace I need for my family...... changes are really coming a little at a time..... and my Hubby is trying to stop what he does .... and get back on the road to recovery.... but not without a fight.

He knows there has to be control on his days off and I see his face trying to make those changes..... Other friends have told him to get back into the meeting modes and much more.... like being back with the mens Bible study group.... this is up to him without pressure...

One day at a time here.......

I am taking my days slow and lots of deep breaths....

Thank you all for understanding and trying to keep the prayer plus advise going.....

CXR

You are not given or confronted with anything you can't handle...

You are doing what you need to do...and you will keep doing it.

Thanks for sharing your words...

expenguin

Thanks CXR.... maybe some people do know what I feel...and have learned over the years... sometimes there are those that just think Im not trying hard enough to move forward.

Or not trying the right things..... but divorce is not always the answer for such problems.... there are many other things to do and I am making what moves I need to in order to keep this marriage going..... no matter what......and my kid is smarter than anyone may think...... a smart cookie that knows what is going on.... she has the tools to move forward as well.

Anyway...... thanks for all those that are willing to stop by....

Hugs for all those that have it worse than me.... at least I think there are worse issues around here...

For today.... I have the biggest patience for what I have to face.....but like I said ... no divorce in my book will help this situation.... it would just make things worse for me in the long run... in fact ruin my life rather than fix it...

Besides I am not looking for a quick fix...... nor is anyone else that comes to SR.... we all hope and pray for the right way to make things right..... We all need to be patient and work our program to the best of our ability...no matter what... I know that for sure..

Just for today ..... I can only hope for peace in my house and in my world within.... and move with caution on the days I need to....

I have to believe in myself and the chance to carry on....one day at a time.... Because I know there is an understanding God out there ....

My heart says to let live take time in this situation.... make things work with changes to the best of my ability...... there is always hope... always..