keepingmyjoy1

After I found the login and password for a smutty porn dating site, gave it to the AH, and his devastating DS emotionally, no contact for a week until arrangements for visitation had to be made for DS. Because he is apparently completely obtuse (best word to describe it), I spelled it out for him. 1. 3rd time I found this kind of sh*t during the time we were together. I feel disrespected and lied to. 2. After devastating your son, it is clear that you either will not or cannot hold up your agreement to not discuss our issues and whether you keep the house or not with DS. 3. You just deny knowledge of ANY of the websites or hurting your son. Clearly you think I am stupid.

We have absolutely NO need to discuss anything. That is why I do not respond to your texts.

After that conversation, I continued to no reply to any texts. But, he is playing the Pretend Everything is Fine game. He really believes that if we pretend none of this exists, that I will just fall in line and be fine. What???

He actually texted me one morning along the lines of how I should try not to come up with anymore things that make me get totally pissed at him and that he loves me.

After a year of not playing that game anymore, I cannot believe that he still tries to play that off. I usually do a quick scan of the text and then leave it if it has nothing to do with DS, but that one text above got me thinking. I shouldn't come up with anymore things???????? Wow. Denial and blame at it's finest...

Just venting...I am shaking my head and wondering what the heck is wrong with their thinking????????

da1sy

No answer for that question, unfortunately, but boy have I heard that line and variations thereof! "Don't say anything that will upset me right now, I'm already feeling fragile" "You just like to be mad at me, don't you?" "Why are you being so mean to me?"

It continues to amaze me how skilled As are at (1) being so completely selfish (2) convincing codies like me that WE are in fact the selfish ones.

Best of luck to you in continuing to see with your eyes wide open!

lizatola

I hear that stuff but in different ways from my AH, too. One of the 'symptoms' of alcoholism is that their guilt and shame is too much for them to bear which brings on their own self-loathing. I think deep down they know all the 'wrongs' they've committed but they aren't ready to own up to them, nor may they never be willing or ready to ever own up to them. It's something I'm trying to accept about my AH at this point in time.

He wants a clean slate. Hmmm, well how does that work? He doesn't want to hear about any more of his wrongs and how they hurt me or hurt our son. You are not alone but for years I fell in line with the 'pretend everything is fine' game, too, with my own denial and magical thinking. Now that I'm not on board, he's not too happy with me. It sounds like you're doing a great job keeping up your boundaries and staying on your side of the street.

choublak

I personally got to a point where, with people who aren't all there upstairs, I realized you just don't put anything past them.