Antos

Hi everyone.
Just saying hello.
I discovered this forum yesterday, when after a long weekend of too much to drink, I finally decided to take seriously the problems alcohol was causing in my life. I went online again first thing this morning, because I feel there's something important for me here. Reading what people write brings me in touch with myself and with all those who post here.
I've had a problem with alcohol for almost thirty years now - though I've been lucky in that I never hit rock bottom, mainly by being a weekend binge-drinker (sounds kind of disgusting, but it's what it is ...).
Alcohol is affecting my relationships, and making me half-depressed much of the time. It is keeping me from really living life to the full. It's continually putting me at risk of really going over the edge - I somehow don't trust myself very much anymore.
So I've told myself to keep visiting this forum, because I know from past attempts to be abstemious that I quickly get to the point where I think I can manage moderate drinking, only to gradually get back to the point where alcohol is on my mind constantly.
I find especially helpful the idea that for someone like me there really is no alternative to decidiing I'll never drink again. I (or is it the AV?) find this a scary idea, but somehow today it's much less scary than the idea that I'll keep drinking like I have been doing for the rest of my life.
Antos

LadyinBC

Welcome to SR. you will find so much support here. You are not alone in feeling scared. We have all been there.

fantail

I hear you about how it can be helpful to realize that moderation isn't a reasonable goal.

I had this quote on my wall for a while: "They believe they can take it or leave it alone — so they take it. If they do stop, out of fear or whatever, they go at once into such a state of euphoria and well-being that they become over-confident. They're rid of drink, and feel sure enough of themselves to be able to start again, promising they'll take one, or at the most two, and — well, then it becomes the same old story over again."

It's from The Lost Weekend (the book), which was published in 1936. It was a good smack in the face when I realized that someone had described my pattern to a T decades before I was even born.

Welcome! Here's to staying quit this time!

least

I commend your decision to get sober. It takes effort and changes, but it's so worth it.

Antos

Thaks for the encouragement everyone.
It seems so easy to go back to drinking. And the decision to never drink again seems so final. It is scary to think about it.
The funny thing is that it's the working week now and I don't normally drink during the week. But I'm beginning to realize that I normally just forget about alcohol during the week, because I know that, come Friday, it'll be there. But this has led to me having almost two lives: the sober weekday life and the alcohol-centred weekend life.
I suppose I just need to keep reminding myself why I decided to stop drinking altogether. Fortunately here at SR people are good at remembering that ...

AdanteFornax

Hi Antos, I'm Adam also in the UK

Bingeing is my way of drinking. Keep going for oblivion until it becomes too painfull to continue and then withdraw painfully for a few days.

Have you considered an AA meeting ? I know they're not for everyone but time to give anything a try eh ?

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RaggedyMan

That's me exactly too, I also started here this week and I know Friday isn't going to be a great day. Nevertheless I am going to get through this weekend.

I hear there is a weekend support thread every weekend for Newcomers, I'll be going there.

SnwFlower

Welcome to SR Antos! You are definitely not alone in that fear feeling. Alcohol was also making me pretty depressed and am amazed at how great my mood has improved without it. One thing that's helping me immensely around my recent decision to abstain from alcohol indefinitely, is that I think of other common foods that I will never eat. For instance, I hate beets, and I will never eat them ever again. (yuck!) I also don't like cotton candy or taffy (too sweet for my taste). So I think of alcohol in those categories of common foods that I don't like and have no issue avoiding. I feel that this type of thinking gives me far more control and frees my mind to focus on bigger and better things. I hope this helps.

Congrats on your decision!

Antos

Hi Adam, I suppose I'm still considering joining the AA. But I want to see how it goes first, as I'm not really the person for group meetings. I'm also planning to read a couple of books that are being reccommended. I think for me the main thing is not to forget why I'm quitting, why it's imperative that I don't go back. From the time I've spent on this forum, I have the feeling that for now at least that's the right thing for me.

RaggedyMan, that makes two of us then. I'll make sure to also check the weekend thread.

RaggedyMan

I've have been to AA in the past, it wasn't for me, but I could see how it was working for quite a lot of the people there. I also think these forum/website are going to be much more suited to my needs.

Antos

Thanks for the tip. I'm going to try: blue cheese in my case .
But for me it's actually more the experience that I am attached to that the alcohol itself - that brief moment I feel well (after the effect has kicked in and before I'm too far gone to feel much anymore).
Am I going to have to say goodbye to that feeling for the rest of my life?

FlyerNation

Do you have any other plans outside of visiting this forum?

2granddaughters

That "experience" is an alcohol induced illusion, it is not real and it keeps getting more illusive as our drinking progresses.

In AA I learned that I didn't have to quit forever ... just for today and that alcoholic fantasy was replaced with a dignity and self-worth that I could barely remember having from my youth.

Putting the drink down is easy... living sober is the trick.

All the best.

Bob R

Antos

Thanks for asking that question. I feel it's important for me not to trivialize my drinking. This can be tempting, because I rarely have hangovers and don't tend to get into trouble drinking, because I simply drink at home and go to sleep, when I get tired. But it is limiting my life in important ways, puts me in danger of really going to far, and is becoming quite a strain on my relationship with my partner, so I really needto stay away from drink.
With regard to a plan, the thing is that I don't really have many outside triggers, because in my social life very few people drink. I'm lucky, for example, that my partner doesn't drink and wants me to stop, if only because I tend to tune out of the relationship when I'm drunk.
One of the main triggers for me is boredom in the weekend, and I think that by being vigilant, I'll be able to handle it - I do actually enjoy other things, so my boredom won't last the whole time, once I've decided I'll do something else than drink. As I wrote in an earlier post, I don't usually drink during the week anyway, so I suppose part of my plan would have to be not to get bored in the weekend, by preparing for an enjoyable evening activity.
The other big reason for drinking is that it allows me to forget myself, to get numb in a pleasurable way (I know the actual pleasurable bit is usually short, but it is nevertheless one of the main attractions). So I suppose I should have a plan for getting relaxed. I'm a long-term meditation practicer (I know this may sound strange, but I've swung between being hiper-alert in meditation and then completely disappearing into drunkenness for quite a few decades now), so I suppose I could make a point of doing a nice long meditation on Friday afternoon and again on Saturday. I actually enjoy doing them, the thing so far has been that drinking has seemed like the easier option to get relaxed - even though I know that the effect of a good meditation is actually much longer.
So, those are the two things I can thinkabout now, as far as a plan is concerned: prepare a nice activity for Friday night (e.g. take my partner out for dinner) and do a meditation in the afternoon/early evening. Repeat on Saturday.
Thanks again for asking a helpful question ...

Antos

I'm confused about this, probably because I'm new here. Sometimes people say it's important to decide never to drink again (AVRT), and sometimes people say they need to take it one day at the time.
Personally, but I may be wrong, I get nervous if I have to decide every day whether I want to drink or not. I prefer to decide not to drink again ever. In fact that's what I did, when I did the crash course on the AVRT website.
I can see people would want to deal with being sober one day at the time, in the sense of not wanting to think of all the difficulties that lie ahead being sober.
Am I missing something?

ScottFromWI

If you prefer to decide to never drink again, than that's what you should do. If that is a problem at first you can take it a day ( or even hours or seconds ) at at a time. What's most important is to find what works best for you.

FlyerNation

It becomes too overwhelming and too tough of a challenge to say you won't do anything for the rest of your life. It's much more manageble to take it one day at a time. Like running a marathon if you haven't ran for years (drinking time). It's much easier to take the challenge breaking down stride for stride step by step then trying to take a 26 mile step.

By taking it day to day you begin to deal with so many different aspects life throws at you. One day might be easier than the next but if you can get through the bad day's sober just as you do those good ones you learn to grow and learn that life is extremely manageable sober and can be enjoyable. I'm struggling right now but I can't worry how I'll feel tomorrow, next year or 20 years from now. I can only control what I can do today.

Don't be nervous having to make that decision like you mention. Wake up every day with the same resolve that you will not drink today. Use your higher power, friends, support group and your experience to make it happen. Then do it the next day and so forth and so forth.

Anna

I agree with you, Antos. I don't make a decision each day to not drink. I made the decision that alcohol was no longer a option and for me, it was the hardest thing I've ever done. But, I'm very comfortable with the decision and you will find that you can be okay with the decision to not drink, too.

Keeping busy and planning activities is a good idea. And, so is coming here where you'll always find support.

Dee74

welcome to SR Antos

D

Antos

@ FlyerNation: Thank you for a thoughtful answer, you make it very clear how taking it one day at the time works. Though I may prefer to tell myself it's never again, I can see there will be days I'm just going to have to tell myself - not today ... And I hope you have a good day today. If the sentence in your post "I'm struggling right now" refers to to yourself (that wasn't quite clear to me) then I hope you'll soon enter an easier phase. People here may disagree about how to approach sobriety, but they all seem to agree that in the end it's much better than drinking.
@ Anna & Dee74: thanks for that guys (funny to write guys, because you're probably both females, but no male chauvinism intended). I am feeling very welcome and SR is helping me a lot right now.