Notices

Back again

Old 03-26-2013, 04:37 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
kam00096's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 236
Back again

Hey guys haven't posted in a long while although I've been doing well for the last month but tonight I've hit a bump and I literally don't know what to do. For those of you who haven't been bored by my story in the past. I am an emetophobic alcoholic, which means I have an irrational and debilitating fear of vomiting. Sadly, rather than thinking that drinking could make me sick I soon realised that it was an excellent short term way of self medicating for anxiety and I'm now alcoholic. After trying many different therapies and counsellors for both the alcoholism and the phobia I finally ended up joining AA. Been going to meetings for a month and was feeling really good about it - even told a couple of people there about my emet. There have been lots of people who I've identified with up to a point but tonight's made me realise I'll never be the same as them because my reasons for drinking are so different to theirs. At the meeting tonight, one of the three people I explained about my emet to described to me, in vivid detail, the stomach bug she'd had on Saturday. After that I completely flaked out, thinking of how she is still contagious, and it just got worse the more people talked. Everyone was saying how they feel safe in AA, how it's the only place people understand them and they don't feel alone, and I realised none of that applies to me. I'm more scared because I'm out, using shared bathrooms and shaking hands with people, and I'm still alone in how I think and feel. The trouble is that (understandably!) there aren't many alcoholic emets out there! Emets don't understand me drinking, and AA members don't get my emet. Am literally at my wits end with it and just feel like no one understands me and that I'll never get better. Will spend the next 3 days terrified that I've caught something and I was already feeling stressed because of a random severe pain in my upper side and back that the doctor says could be kidney stones (which I know can make you sick). I've also just restarted back at a new job which I missed 2 weeks of in the beginning because of emet and drinking, and I love it but am terrified I'll screw up again now that I'm panicked and falling to bits again. (Guess it looks like the last 3 weeks of being happy and not scared is all I'm getting!). Sorry this is long, rambling and horrendously self pitying but needed a vent!
kam00096 is offline  
Old 03-26-2013, 04:50 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
now's the time
 
fantail's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,181
Feeling like you don't fit in anywhere is so difficult.

With your AA friends, is it possible that things will improve if you set firmer boundaries? Just like non-alcoholics can conceptually understand alcoholism, but can't really grasp the extent of the emotional side of it, maybe the people at AA simply don't realize when they're triggering your emetophobia. Perhaps if there are a few of them that you feel somewhat close to, you could meet them for coffee before or after a meeting and explain a bit more about how they can help you to feel comfortable?
fantail is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:39 AM.