JBird100

I am looking for ideas on how not to forget the misery of drinking. It seems like the farther away I get from my last relapse the more fearful I am that I could have a lapse in judgment. How do you always remember the train wreck? What are some things you do?

FeenixxRising

I have the same issue. The longer I'm sober, the less I remember how bad things had become. It's selective memory; I tend to think of the good times I had when I was able to control my drinking, and I forget the very, very bad things that occurred when I could no longer control my drinking.

I drive quite a bit, so on long trips I tend to replay some of my worst benders and all the bad things that happened. You could set a few minutes aside each day to mentally review some of your worst episodes and try to feel the emotions you felt immediately after particularly bad drinking events. And then compare those feelings to how you feel when you're sober and in control. It's pretty easy to see that your emotions and outlook on life are better when you're sober.

fantail

I haven't done this yet, but I've started thinking I should sit down and create an artifact to come back to. While it's still somewhat fresh, thinking back to one of the times when I felt the most horrible and hopeless, and writing down the details to return to. I think I need to really describe in detail for myself the shame that I felt so that I can remember that when I need to.

doggonecarl

Like Feenix says, we alcoholics have a selective memory when it comes to misery. So don't make "remembering" it part of your recovery. Decide you aren't ever going to drink again and don't.

bryangt

Well for me it's easy. I still carry the results of my drinking days with me. I lost my license for 10 years for a 3rd DUI, so I have a constant reminder. If that doesn't work, I think of the time I had to suffer in jail from the 3rd DUI, and that is a place I DO NOT want to go back to. More importantly, I 'rewind the tape' in my head to where drinking led me, and that is here. I now have a new found loyalty to my friends in AA and my family who I refuse now to letdown. Of course, there is myself. I am grateful to have been clean & sober for over 2 years now, and it hasn't been easy--so I do not want to go backwards at this point, only go forward.

least

I don't necessarily remember the person I used to be, I look at myself as I am now and want to continue being that person.

soberclover

I have my healthy as well as some pretty significant scars to remind me of why I cannot drink. Another reminder that I have is a journal that I keep. While I don't write in it ever day I did record a lot before I actually got sober. Reading it now I could see where I was heading and it wasn't good. Not everyone has to hit the type of bottoms that others of us have...and those people are very luck. I hope you find the ability to remain sober because you are a gift and you deserve to be sober and live a better life instead of just being afraid of a relapse.

Grymt

There aren't many situations in life these days that I haven't used as a reason to drink. All those are reasons for me today to not drink because I'm an alcoholic. I think a change was in realising I drink because I'm an alcoholic so I don't drink because I'm an alcoholic. It's become simple, for me, today. One day at a time, always. K.I.S.S..

JBird100

Thanks for the feedback. Playing the tape is good, but I need to remember how it actually felt. The emotion is what makes me change my behavior. It was absolutely devastating. It felt like I had aged 10 years. I don't ever want to go back there. I will journal and make a list. It's a step one, but I need a condensed form that I can view on a daily basis.

SnwFlower

A make a point of taking the time (several times a day) to remember the following:

I vividly remember how ugly I was looking when I was drinking with the dark eye circles, red eyes, dry hair, blotchy skin, puffy face and 20 pound weight gain. Now that I've quit, the weight is coming off and I'm looking healthy and youthful again!

I vividly recall how tired and crappy I felt after the first sip of alcohol. Knowing that I couldn't work-out, or do anything. The rest of the evening or day were ruined.

I vividly recall the daily hangovers that left me tired, sick, ugly and dumb.

I vividly remember how lazy I had become and all my dreams and goals would never be accomplished in that state of mind.

I'm 45 and I want the 2nd half of my life to be fantastic, happy and healthy. That is not in any way shape or form possible with drinking alcohol.

I hope that helps.

Joe Nerv

I recently took a commitment bringing an AA meeting to a rehab every other week. The people in there always seem to come up with something to bring me right back to where I was in the beginning of it all. As does just being inside a rehab by itself.

Some people don't feel the need to "keep it green". As years go by, I've found it beneficial. I've drifted at times away from meetings and memories of how horrible my life was, and at those times it's real easy to start thinking a couple of drinks wouldn't necessarily kill me. I don't dwell on the past, but a reminder from time to time of where I'll wind up should I ever decide to have just one beer helps me.

Impurrfect

I don't know why, but I can vividly remember the thoughts that went through my head during me relapse 6 years ago. I think reading stories by the newbies and those coming back here after going out helps a lot.

Despite what someone used/drank, I can usually find something that I think "ooooh, I did that" and can be grateful that it's a part of my past!

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Palmtrees30s

I completely relate to this. How true.

Jeni26

I remember my last evening of drinking vividly. I drank until I passed out and I didn't care if I never woke up. I don't think of that night much any more.

What helps keep me sober now is not looking back, because memories can be re-written in our minds. Instead I look at my life today.

I look at my children. I take time to do little things I know will make them happy. I can think of others instead of myself. I laugh a lot.

My new life isn't one I'm willing to give up easily. I don't need to think of the past any more. Not when the present is giving me so much x

2granddaughters

I attend AA meetings regularly. It keeps the truth firmly planted in my mind.

All the best.

Bob R

aasharon90

Im connected to my recovery program
on a daily bases because I am forever
learning new ways to remain sober and
enjoy life. It's only if I revert back to my
old way of thinking that old behavior steps
in and I surely don't want to go down that
road again. So, im here to stay today.

LadyinBC

I go to meetings, I see my counsellor. I also read alot in the family and friends of alcoholics forum to remember the person I don't want to be.

I also read the posts here to remember that I started out on day 1 to. I am so scared of becoming complacent and drinking again.

Sazzle

Good question Julie. I'm fearful of forgetting how bad it got so I tell myself I can never drink a single drink again. Ever. Nothing will be improved by drinking.

There was a thread on 'things I don't miss' on here which I found really useful. I cant find it now, but I'm sure its only a quick Search away. I've got a list on my iPhone on how I felt: racing heart, spontaneous sweating, anxiety, bloated face and hands, pregnancy scares etc

S x

Nonsensical

If you can accomplish this it should be a big help. Our brains are wired to remember that we want alcohol and forget the pain. Reversing that process would be enormous. I wish you success!

T4texas

I have a scar on my neck that is from being shot while drunk. When I get a thought that I can drink I go look in the mirror and remember how close i came to dying. I also keep phone numbers of the people that no longer want me in their lives from my drinking days so when I go through my phone I have a daily reminder of the wreckage that drinking causes for me. It all works for me. I just make sure to not dwell on my regret so that I can move forward and not let the past hold me down.