not sure what to do
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Upstate, NY
Posts: 8
not sure what to do
I just joined this site today and posted earlier and got a lot of wonderful support and feedback. I have thought about getting help for myself a lot in the past, but something happened this weekend that made me realize that i can't continue like this and need to do something now. I luckily found this site and checked alanon meeting times and found one i can make wednesday. I am going to this meeting, however, i am having a slight panick attack about what to tell him i am doing. I am a horrible liar, and hate lying, but it has been pointed out to me that i probably should not tell him.
the problem is our 4 yr old son. He goes almost every where with me, except work. I work evening and weekend and our older kids are here while i work. The meeting is at 11am, the only time i can go, and the older kids are in school. The baby is very attached to me and doesn't like when i leave, but is better if his brothers or sister are home. He even comes to my doctor appts with me. My husband has been out of work for almost a year( fired for being drunk), and gets mad when i leave the baby cause the baby gets so upset.(I realize he is not really a baby anymore, our others are teens, so its easier to clarify him calling him the baby, and he is my baby
!).
So, do i lie to my husband or when he asks why i am leaving the baby, just tell him the truth? Can kids come to these meeting? I am trying to set up a sitter, but most my friends that i still talk to work during the day.
I know that this sounds bad, and i know that my family is in a bad situation, but i am trying to get help so that i can be stronger again and be there, if nothing else, for my kids and do the right thing for them.
thank you for any advice.
the problem is our 4 yr old son. He goes almost every where with me, except work. I work evening and weekend and our older kids are here while i work. The meeting is at 11am, the only time i can go, and the older kids are in school. The baby is very attached to me and doesn't like when i leave, but is better if his brothers or sister are home. He even comes to my doctor appts with me. My husband has been out of work for almost a year( fired for being drunk), and gets mad when i leave the baby cause the baby gets so upset.(I realize he is not really a baby anymore, our others are teens, so its easier to clarify him calling him the baby, and he is my baby
!).So, do i lie to my husband or when he asks why i am leaving the baby, just tell him the truth? Can kids come to these meeting? I am trying to set up a sitter, but most my friends that i still talk to work during the day.
I know that this sounds bad, and i know that my family is in a bad situation, but i am trying to get help so that i can be stronger again and be there, if nothing else, for my kids and do the right thing for them.
thank you for any advice.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
First of all, what you are trying to accomplish here doesn't sound bad at all. It sounds pretty darn healthy to me, so stop that stinkin thinkin.
Secondly, bringing kids depends on the group. My home group had one woman with two boys that she had to bring with her for safety reasons (she couldn't fathom leaving them alone with her husband). I remember one night, they were especially riled up. I had ridden my bike and left it in the room adjacent to our meeting room where they waited for her. I gave them my tool kit and told them to take the bike apart and put it back together. Seriously. I had to walk home and Google a few things to put it all back together, but they had great fun! We are all there for the same reason, trust me, people will understand and be happy to help you either find meetings with a sitter service or meetings more conducive to your schedule.
That said...what to tell the hubby...I hid my Al-Anon attendance for as long as I could, knowing it would be an issue. Such a personal choice here...like you I suck at lying so I knew if confronted I would be honest. And it was an issue. But you know what? Didn't matter - because I needed the support and screw his feelings. He didn't think about my feelings and needs when he drank to oblivion. Why would I need to take his into consideration here?
Tell him, don't tell him, either way, these meetings are for you. Not him. Go.
and then tell us how it went!
~T
Secondly, bringing kids depends on the group. My home group had one woman with two boys that she had to bring with her for safety reasons (she couldn't fathom leaving them alone with her husband). I remember one night, they were especially riled up. I had ridden my bike and left it in the room adjacent to our meeting room where they waited for her. I gave them my tool kit and told them to take the bike apart and put it back together. Seriously. I had to walk home and Google a few things to put it all back together, but they had great fun! We are all there for the same reason, trust me, people will understand and be happy to help you either find meetings with a sitter service or meetings more conducive to your schedule.
That said...what to tell the hubby...I hid my Al-Anon attendance for as long as I could, knowing it would be an issue. Such a personal choice here...like you I suck at lying so I knew if confronted I would be honest. And it was an issue. But you know what? Didn't matter - because I needed the support and screw his feelings. He didn't think about my feelings and needs when he drank to oblivion. Why would I need to take his into consideration here?
Tell him, don't tell him, either way, these meetings are for you. Not him. Go.
and then tell us how it went!
~T
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