HopeBegins

So I went to my first meeting on Saturday, and it was HUGE. There were about 80 people in the room. At the end everyone was chatting and talking to each other and no one came up to me. I felt major social anxiety. I guess I had thought that as a newbie someone would welcome me, etc. However no one did. Has anyone ever experienced a meeting like that? At the very end, one man did come up to me and suggested I try a different meeting for beginners that was in another town on another day. He said, "Everyone here really knows each other." I feel kind of discouraged. Are beginner's meetings better than the established ones for newbies?

Dib42

What meeting did you go to?

I found them to be clicky, but no worse than any other group activity. You need some confidence, and this would be a great place to work on that. You can't sit around and wait for someone to come talk to you, find someone not socializing and introduce yourself.

I've never attended a meeting per'se, but my friend lived at a church that hosted them, so I've watched quite a few, and socialized with the people there. I've found there are alot of them that don't want to be there, but its either mandatory, or forced by a loved one.... You'll find a few groups (clicks) that will spend most cigarette breaks talking about where they're going to go get drunk after the meeting... make sure you don't end up in that group. Either way, keep attending, eventually you won't be new, and you can make sure new people feel welcomed from now on.

quitforme79

I have found that there are different kinds of meetings but most I go to welcome newcomers. I think it was nice that the guy came up to you and suggested you check out the beginner's meeting though. I did go to a few of those when I first quit and found them really helpful--could relate to people in there better than the old timers. It took me a little while but I eventually found meetings I preferred to attend. You will get there, just keep trying.

2granddaughters

Try not to be too thin skinned.

Pick someone around your own age at the meeting and sit with him/her. You'll start to fit in soon.

All the best.

Bob R

ReadyAtLast

the first time I went I called the local number and arranged to meet someone so didn't feel as nervous.

ClearLight

Yeah - the first meeting I went to probably had at least 150 people there. Really. I actually was so amazed I did a quick count.
And there were lots of groups of people - most were waaay younger than me.
But I found another one that had about 30 people there and a good mix of ages. That was a little better fit. You just gotta look around a little bit.
Also, lots of times people will leave you alone unless you approach them. I know my first meetings I didn't want anyone to bother me. Just wanted to sit there and check things out.
Maybe at newcomers meetings people make a point to approach you. I didn't want that so I avoided them like the plague.
You just gotta shop around.

HappyDestiny3

Don't be discouraged..

And if you really want someone to come up to you..

Whenever you have the chance introduce yourself as being brand new to AA and you would like help to the group.

You will be flooded with people I promise..

Cause a meeting that size its just to hard for others to know who is new and who is not..

Small meeting everyone knows.. Don't forget we like to make things up in our head and over complicate them, being alcoholics..

Tamerua

Did you introduce yourself as new? When you do, people will come up to you and a lot of meetings have phone lists.

I am super shy and I have been going for about three months and I still feel like everyone knows each other and I'm an outsider, but when I share, people talk to me after or will thank me for sharing. I make the coffee and set up the meetings. I go to get coffee after my Saturday meeting. It shows everyone that I'm willing... Not outgoing, people get that I'm shy and it is hard for me. But I show in my way that I'm willing and open. At least that works for me.

Lynn

bigsombrero

My first meeting had about 150 or more people there if not more. Everyone was climbing over me to say hi to each other, but nobody said hello to me! It was a Saturday morning meeting and t's kind of a 'yuppie' cool crowd. I felt ridiculous. On the flip side super-small meetings seem weird to me also. I have been to all types, and in the end I have decided to use them from time to time when I want. I remember these things are optional.

If you're a beginner I agree with those above, maybe a mid-size meeting would make you feel better. I know the SUPER anonymity you get with huge meetings is nice (you won't have to talk) but sometimes it's nice to get your feet wet in a mid-sized group.

Good luck and congrats on going to that first meeting!

sugarbear1

If you don't speak up, no one may know you are new. No one can read your mind there....

Readysteady

I know what you mean. I felt the same way at bars too. The others are right though, keep going and checking out different ones and become familiar.

LEP1968

Hmm. I must live in a great city for AA? Just left a meeting where they mentioned a bunch of times "welcome to the new comers". They also like to mention that the newcomers are the most important person in the room.