SoberKnitter

I thought it might be helpful for us newbies to have a thread where we list the things our AV says to us.

I was watching a re-run of Frasier last night because I'm still not sleeping. Frasier was having a drink with a woman he met at the airport, and they really hit it off. My AV started telling me that if I never drink again that I will never randomly meet the man of my dreams and be able to have a drink with him at the airport. It reminded me how fun it is to pass the time in an airport bar.

This is stupid on so many levels, not the least of which is that I have gotten embarrassingly plastered in an airport so many times. I've puked on planes and arrived at my destination so visibly intoxicated that I couldn't get a rental car. It's also pretty stupid because I am unemployed (because of drinking and using), so I don't travel for work anymore.

What stupid thing did your AV say today?

Nonsensical

My daughter had car trouble, so I left work to help her. When that was finished I was driving back to work and the route took me past my old primary liquor store. My AV told me I had done a good deed and to get a bottle and take the rest of the day off.

He's such an ass.

SoberKnitter

At the grocery store today, my AV told me to just go look at the wine. It said that wine is not unhealthy and that normal people have wine with dinner. Then it reminded me how great and relaxing a glass of wine would be. It said that I had proved that I'm not an alkie by not drinking for a whole week and that I should reward myself with some wine. It pestered me about the freaking wine the whole time I shopped.

janiebluebird

SK, I've been there with the airport bars, too. They've always been really tempting to me, especially when I've traveled with friends. We even got bloody mary's one morning before a flight.

My AV tells me I'm never going to have a good date again, that I'll be awkward and that its not going to be fun getting to know someone.

I'm taking one day at a time. I have to take care of myself first for now.

Fandy

My AV has told me that wine helps my digestion, thus eliminating toxins from my body, avoiding *possible* diverticulitis, which is much worse than a drink of course,and here is the kicker...it will make THINNER!
Thanks for this thread...love it.

bigsombrero

Ugh. Airport bars. I never let the fact that beers were $9.25 each stop me from drinking there. I once got stuck in ATL for 9 hours and to cure my boredom I made a game of wandering around the airport and making sure I had a drink in each terminal.

During my worst days, I would actually get a drink at the airport I ARRIVED at....even when loved ones were waiting outside to pick me up.

I have many stories from airport bars, but right now it doesn't serve me to laugh about it. At this point even at nearly 9 months sober I'm not ready to joke about them yet, I hope someday I can but not today.

Thanks for the post! Congrats on your sobriety and keep fighting the good fight!

FeelingGreat

My AV is very reasonable and persuasive, pointing out that now I have a year off the wine that of course I can start again, and this time I will drink moderately. Just the one, or maybe on occasion two.
Love your stories especially the good deed that deserves a reward!

llastchance8

Sobeknitter , You have started an excellent thread. Yes, our AV keeps playing funny tricks with us. Today , I got a call from my very close family friends who are on a vacation to a lovely resort. They described a lot about the resort being very nice but only problem being , no alcohol was available. Then, they described how they drove down to few miles and managed to get a good stock. Now, they are having good time.. And My AV picked up on that.. It is OK to have few breaks in a year like this.. But then I had to remind myself. It was never few breaks in a year for me. Everyday was a break and vacation. My friends can have such good time because they do not have alcohol problem. That's it. I can not have it. And , now I am already on SR witting this post before my AV can even talk further.

Thank you Soberknitter.

SoberKnitter

Thanks guys, for playing along. The AV really is hilarious and pathetic when you spell out what it's saying.

Today, mine has been chattering all day and obsessing on the word "never."

You don't really mean never, do you? Like, NEVER, never? Come on, once you get a couple months, you can just have a little. Remember what you think of teetotalers - BO-RING! Never say never. You can't realistically say never...

... and on and on. It's annoying and distracting, but it's also a little funny. Knowing that it's not me is so powerful. I am getting some sick enjoyment out of how upset it is getting.

I'll be glad when it finally shuts up, but for now I'm choosing to be amused and enjoy my hangover-free day.

Nonsensical

OK, AV didn't really say that. I was reading some scientific literature on incentive sensitization today, and that euphemism for 'craving' tickled my fancy. I didn't know where else to post it.

If my AV actually started talking like that I might be in trouble.

freshstart57

SoberKnitter, you have grasped the beauty and simplicity of the essence of AVRT beautifully. - 'Knowing it is not me is so powerful'. That is the nut of it right there. You are also hitting the bullseye in that you are taking control here, and asserting your ability to make these important decisions.

Once you have arrived at this place, I think it is perfectly reasonable to react to the AV with amusement, and with scorn and derision. - 'Is that the best you've got? Is that all you can do?' I like to figuratively laugh and point, and some of the humor is rueful, considering the lies I listened to and the excuses I accepted for years. Just to listen to my AV. Sheesh!

The AV will never completely disappear, but that is OK because we no longer need to pay attention to it, or to even acknowledge it beyond the simple recognition of it and its nature. That's it. AV is only anxiety producing when it can influence our actions, and once that influence is no longer accepted, the anxiety of not drinking disappears.

As for the concept of never, that is where the rubber meets the road, and also where the final acceptance and ultimate relief is provided. Never drinking also means never feeling the shame, the guilt, lies and deception, the depression and anxiety, and all the rest of the cr@p that goes with active addiction. Never drink again? Absolutely. I am done.

Learning to recognize AV in others is an important tool and helps with the recognition of AV in ourselves - the same muscles are involved. It is easy to find AV in the posts at SR, even in this forum. Even in this thread, there are three or four examples of uneasiness or self doubt that we try to recognize as AV.

To recap, AV is any thought or idea of drinking again, or doubt in one's ability to do so. That unease you hear when you say never, or that belief that there is some condition on your continued sobriety, is, you guessed it, AV!

SoberKnitter

LOL. My AV can actually tell you all the reasons that alcohol is healthy (cardiovascular health, prevention of age-related dementia, etc.), and cite published, peer-reviewed scientific research to support it. It can also list every drunken poet, author, musician and artist as evidence that alcohol enhances creativity. It used to convince me that I was not a besotted, unemployable slob without a driver's license, but a super-healthy creative genius!

SoberKnitter

Thanks fresh! BTW, if you notice our AVs in our posts, please point it out! I'm still learning, so I'd love to know when my AV is hijacking my thoughts.

Fandy

it was your DEPRESSION that made you drink heavily...(like the 5 day binge when you did not leave the house, brush your teeth or shower)...now that you are "back to normal", surely you can drink when you go out to dinner...surely you are normal because you don't go to the liquor store every other day..you are a NORMAL DRINKER...you won't drink to excess anymore..you haven't had a drink in 22 months, alcoholics are DIFFERENT than you...you recognize that this was just a STRESSFUL time in your life, it WASN'T your fault..it was MR. FANDY who was responsible for making you "ILL AND DEPRESSED"..NOW it is is DIFFERENT, you are IN CONTROL!!! YOU DON'T drink "like THAT" anymore, you know how to practice "self-control"

yeah, right...while Mr. Fandy played his part in being a total asshat with heavy gambling addictions that made me crazy, the 10 glasses of wine every night were just the tip of the iceberg...

freshstart57

You know, SK, I almost did that, pointed out what I thought might be AV, but some folks get a little testy and don't react well at all. I've even seen a classic recovery group response about keeping ones own side of the street clean, which is a fancy way of saying MYOB Buster.

I'll send a PM.

Palmtrees30s

Love this thread!! Just posting so I can find it later.

Received

Hey freshstart. Sometimes when my AV starts in and won't shut it's ugly, pathetic mouth, I get a bit anxious so make myself busy, eat a bit of something, walk or maybe even nap. That's ME influencing my actions, and not it, right? Or is it the anxiety of not drinking I'm experiencing? Or both, or ???

HomenDry

I really like the quote, I've seen to much to go back and pretend.

DaveyT

Today I am in a lot of pain due to the disability I have and my little voice said "Go on you know getting drunk always takes away that pain and lets you sleep, come on you shouldn't have to suffer"

I reminded myself that in the end I feel worse after drinking. Yeah it takes the pain away but it makes me more tired and I feel upset when I've done it, pure shame isn't nice and the next day the pain is always worse anyway.

So I literally told my little voice to **** off. I said it to myself in my head, quite aggressively, like I was verbally slapping it lol. The voice stopped after that.

freshstart57

Received, I can't know the inside of your noggin, but I think that it is your AV that's anxious about not getting its bottle. Here is what I do - instead of trying to ignore it or wrestle with it or argue with it, I turn the tables on it. I bring the light of my focus up high and stare at it - this is the recognition aspect of AVRT. It isn't me that is anxious, it is the whining miserable beast / parasite. It helps me to understand that it is doing what it needs to, and I am doing what I need to. The clincher is that I get to pick, I get to choose, and I have decided. I don't drink and I won't change my mind. Booyah.

It is a good idea too to be gentle with yourself. Understand that you are doing a difficult thing and you need to support your fine self here. So eat well, rest, get some exercise, some fresh air and sunshine. Start feeding your psyche by doing things that require and build mastery. The days of failure and regret are over.

You are badass, and by quitting the booze you have demonstrated that you have loads of abilities, and you now get to put them to use. To your use. Time to start to BE that wholly unique and incredible person that is you.

Bravo.