Moved back in with alcoholic parents
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 1
Moved back in with alcoholic parents
I'm writing here about my situation because after months of searching the Internet, I can't find anyone in the same situation. I am 38 years old and had to leave my home in NYC after 16 years to move back to ohio to live with my parents due to my financial difficulties. They have been very generous in helping me and I am incredibly grateful. However, they are long term (my entire life) functional alcoholics.
My father has diabetes, high blood pressure, and is now in kidney failure and continues to drink straight vodka every day. And my mother drinks about a bottle and half of wine everyday. She is very emotional, always the victim, takes everything personally, and is still grieving the loss of her parents from over 20 years ago! Being here has been difficult. I try not to but get in constant argue,nets with them especially about politics. The mother is constantly talking to me about the past and reselling stories and then lashes out at me for whatever reason strikes her fancy at the moment. And the father is basically rotting away in his chair yet still trying to control the family. I have a younger brother who is a social worker at a major psychiatric institution and he very much has his finger on the pulse of what's going on here in our family. We both have us at together and tried to calmly state our concerns and our experiences growing up to our mother, but to no avail. She stated not drinking will never happen. Soo basically that's
it in a nutshell. I have had many years of positive therapy regarding my emotional problems stemming from my parents and now that I'm stuck here for a while, I feel all that work is dissolving and I'm right back to feeling like I did before. I know I can't change them but the fighting is horrible and I am working hard to protect myself.
My father has diabetes, high blood pressure, and is now in kidney failure and continues to drink straight vodka every day. And my mother drinks about a bottle and half of wine everyday. She is very emotional, always the victim, takes everything personally, and is still grieving the loss of her parents from over 20 years ago! Being here has been difficult. I try not to but get in constant argue,nets with them especially about politics. The mother is constantly talking to me about the past and reselling stories and then lashes out at me for whatever reason strikes her fancy at the moment. And the father is basically rotting away in his chair yet still trying to control the family. I have a younger brother who is a social worker at a major psychiatric institution and he very much has his finger on the pulse of what's going on here in our family. We both have us at together and tried to calmly state our concerns and our experiences growing up to our mother, but to no avail. She stated not drinking will never happen. Soo basically that's
it in a nutshell. I have had many years of positive therapy regarding my emotional problems stemming from my parents and now that I'm stuck here for a while, I feel all that work is dissolving and I'm right back to feeling like I did before. I know I can't change them but the fighting is horrible and I am working hard to protect myself.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,960
Thank goodness they took you in and are paying for your living there!
Maybe take a look at gratitude and what they have been able to help you with.
Until they want to stop and stay stopped, there's nothing you can do. Maybe try Al Anon and work on yourself?
Maybe take a look at gratitude and what they have been able to help you with.
Until they want to stop and stay stopped, there's nothing you can do. Maybe try Al Anon and work on yourself?
Thriving sober since 12/18/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 3,115
Can you go to some alanon meetings? They can teach you how to live as sanely as possible with active alcoholics by setting firm boundaries and such. You might find the support really helpful! I grew up in an alcoholic home, I know exactly how damaging it is. What is your plan to get out of there and back on your own? Personally I'd be beating the pavement looking for work all day every day, looking for subsidized housing for people that are low income, and staying away from any conversations with anyone who's been drinking. Don't engage, it's not worth it and you are the only one it hurts.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
I also recommend AlAnon meetings for support for yourself. Also looking for work so you can get out of there as soon as possible and get your own place. It must be hard living with them but you've got to realize you can't help them or make them quit drinking. Do whatever you can to save your sanity.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Originally Posted by BluePalm 
I'm writing here about my situation because after months of searching the Internet, I can't find anyone in the same situation. I am 38 years old and had to leave my home in NYC after 16 years to move back to ohio to live with my parents due to my financial difficulties. They have been very generous in helping me and I am incredibly grateful. However, they are long term (my entire life) functional alcoholics.
My father has diabetes, high blood pressure, and is now in kidney failure and continues to drink straight vodka every day. And my mother drinks about a bottle and half of wine everyday. She is very emotional, always the victim, takes everything personally, and is still grieving the loss of her parents from over 20 years ago! Being here has been difficult. I try not to but get in constant argue,nets with them especially about politics. The mother is constantly talking to me about the past and reselling stories and then lashes out at me for whatever reason strikes her fancy at the moment. And the father is basically rotting away in his chair yet still trying to control the family. I have a younger brother who is a social worker at a major psychiatric institution and he very much has his finger on the pulse of what's going on here in our family. We both have us at together and tried to calmly state our concerns and our experiences growing up to our mother, but to no avail. She stated not drinking will never happen. Soo basically that's
it in a nutshell. I have had many years of positive therapy regarding my emotional problems stemming from my parents and now that I'm stuck here for a while, I feel all that work is dissolving and I'm right back to feeling like I did before. I know I can't change them but the fighting is horrible and I am working hard to protect myself.
My father has diabetes, high blood pressure, and is now in kidney failure and continues to drink straight vodka every day. And my mother drinks about a bottle and half of wine everyday. She is very emotional, always the victim, takes everything personally, and is still grieving the loss of her parents from over 20 years ago! Being here has been difficult. I try not to but get in constant argue,nets with them especially about politics. The mother is constantly talking to me about the past and reselling stories and then lashes out at me for whatever reason strikes her fancy at the moment. And the father is basically rotting away in his chair yet still trying to control the family. I have a younger brother who is a social worker at a major psychiatric institution and he very much has his finger on the pulse of what's going on here in our family. We both have us at together and tried to calmly state our concerns and our experiences growing up to our mother, but to no avail. She stated not drinking will never happen. Soo basically that's
it in a nutshell. I have had many years of positive therapy regarding my emotional problems stemming from my parents and now that I'm stuck here for a while, I feel all that work is dissolving and I'm right back to feeling like I did before. I know I can't change them but the fighting is horrible and I am working hard to protect myself.
Is there no other family members who would take you in temporarily?
How has your years of positive therapy helped you?
I agree that Al-Anon would be a big help. The 12 Steps work wonders.
All the best.
Bob R
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: pa
Posts: 297
Honestly, do whatever it takes to move out. I have been stying with my parents for the past 2 months as a temporary thing. It was supposed to be 1 month but then my friend died so I stayed an extra month. I am leaving soon. Adults living with their parents is a recipe for disaster no matter what. That your parents seem to be alcoholics with mental issues makes it even more difficult. If I were you, I'd try to find some kind of work and then search to rent a room from someone on craigslist so that you can move out. As someone who, as a an adult, moved in with his parents for over a year a few years back, I will tell you it doesn't get any easier. Alcohol can only worsen it.
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