Synfull Vyxun

Well i managed to leave my alcoholic mother and move back home to Australia. My labrynthitis has now gone, i still don't sleep properly as my brain never stops thinking. My dad rings about every fortnight and has been in contact with the mother, who wants to ring me as i left owing money, she reckons. She is not happy with the way i left and my reasons. I have told dad to give her the phone number as my aunty will answer the phone to her as i live down the road with no phone. I have just shown my aunty all the videos amd pictures of proof i took of my mother, so she knows i am not making it up in my head. Mothers day has just been and gone back in England. I have sent my mother 2 letters since i have been here, but no contact other than that. I feel bad i didnt send her a card, but know that if i did she would think i am fine with her now. I am not!!! I try to stop thinking and worrying about her, but it is hard.

mia82

I think the worrying part is the worst; the fact that you feel that something will happen because of your lack of involvement. I will tell you something that I can't do yet and that is: You have the right to focus solely on your life and make decisions that will benefit you solely. Don't feel bad for not sending anything for mother's day, if she deserved it, you probably wouldn't have tried to escape, right?

Kialua

HI! If you do ever send a card don't use your real return address, maybe use your Aunt's address. Just in case. Now that you are feeling better maybe it's time to start working the steps to learn to let go. I can't remember where you are with that but it's a great resource. It's really hard to not be in the chaos, expecting the next problem all the time and of course feeling responsible. But you are not responsible. If you don't have meetings out there, then get the book and the workbook and/or work online the steps:

Friends and Family Step Study - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

DghtrOfAlc

Yes! There has already been one "suicide attempt". I say that because she denies it but she was calling everyone telling them she loved them, how proud she was and then took half a bottle of pills. Whether it was an attempt or cry for attention...the thought is still there. I've come to terms with the fact that even if she does decide to do something like that, it's not my fault and I didn't cause it. I will grieve for the person she used to be and the fact that she was never able to get that back but I will also be relieved that she is finally at peace.

I feel the same way about Mother's Day. If you're separating yourself from her then there is probably no reason to send a card. Even worse, imagine trying to find one that fit the situation. I've struggled for years to find a card that didn't say how much she did for me growing up, how i looked up to her or any of those things that Mother's Day cards typically say. I find the most basic one possible and just sign my name (except for this year.....no more.)

tromboneliness

No question, she'll still claim you owe her money, you took advantage of her, robbed her blind and abandoned her in her hour of need when she had broken her head open, blah-blah-blah, tune up the violin, etc. Writing to her is a waste of ink -- these letters we write to our alcoholic parents never have any effect, unless it's to annoy them and just provide one more illustration of what rotten kids we are! I don't know how many times my sister wrote to my Dad -- it had zero effect except to make him yell at her.

She'll try her best to make you feel guilt and shame, and maybe to send her money, etc. Don't fall for it! This cr*p our parents do to us is not our fault, no matter how often they try to say it is.

But the important thing, now that you're out of the immediately dangerous situation, is to work on your own stuff. Moving to the other side of the world gets you out of one kind of trouble, but your brain comes along with you, so whatever work it needed back there, it still needs down here! I had great results with the ACA Workbook, with my sponsor, and am now starting in on Al-Anon's Blueprint for Progress workbook, which has a lot of the same type of writing exercises. Good luck!

T