Quinne

Hey all,

I've been living in supported accommodation for 5 months now. A new girl moved in about 5 weeks ago and since then, I have felt uneasy almost 24/7. I "finished" (formally speaking) step 3 with my sponsor today and felt much "lighter", but on the journey home I felt the sense of dread that accompanies sharing a house with someone who keeps secrets, is verbally aggressive and quite frankly, has very poor personal hygiene. The couch i'm sitting on now has been sprayed with fabric freshener multiple times because the stench just lingers Her chores aren't getting done and the place is a near-constant mess of leftover food, dirty dishes, etc.

This girl stopped taking her anti-depressant about 10 days ago and didn't tell any of us. It came out at the house meeting a few days ago that she couldn't be bothered getting a refill (after we'd all been asking her in about that space of time if she was OK because her behaviour had been markedly withdrawn and she'd stopped engaging) and today, another housemate told me that she'd decided to stop her anti-depressant completely. We're supposed to have a written letter from any of our Doctors after being given the green light to taper, cease, or increase medication. A bit of common courtesy and a heads-up as to what's been going on would've been appreciated. Actually, I expressed that I was really quite angry to the other two girls earlier tonight.

What this girl said at the house meeting is that it "does my ****ing head in when you ask how I am-makes me really angry. I'm not used to people caring about me. I haven't been completely honest with anyone, ever. Not my sponsor, not you guys and not my worker". The latter part really concerned me. She then spent a night away, and let us know where she was. The following night, not so much as a text message. I believe she may have been embarrassed, because like it or not, she's still a sister in recovery and we WILL ask her.

Just a little tired of coming home and after saying hi and asking how her day has been and the response being an aggressive "****house" or "i've done **** all". To be brutally honest, I actually find this girl quite offensive. The language, the attitude, the racism, the hygiene........everything.

I know there's quite a bit to this post, but any advice on how to broach ANY of the above with this girl would be appreciated

Xx

sugarbear1

How about completing your 4th and 5th and 6th and 7th steps? Step 4-moral inventory, 5-discussion, 6-hour of deep reflection, and 7 is a prayer. Wow. This is when step 3 came to life for me!

Just a thought....

.....also pages 66-67 help immensely.

Quinne

sugarbear My sponsor and I will be starting step 4 in a couple of weeks

I realise there's a lot of my own hostility and anger voiced within that post; I haven't lived with someone like this before and I can tolerate a lot, but not so much breaking the rules set by the organisation and the air of tension that is constant. Hygiene is a damn awkward one to approach too-thing is, everyone else is extremely mindful of how their behavior can (and does) impact on others. I try to communicate in a positive fashion, but I get my head bitten off in return....I find it exceptionally off-putting and I'm at a point where I don't see the point in instigating conversation.....

Xx

least

I hope you all can come to a satisfactory arrangement between you and your housemates regarding this person.

Anna

My suggestion is to focus on yourself and your recovery. The young woman will find recovery if and when she wants it. Honestly, I wouldn't have had the energy to deal with someone else's recovery at that point in my journey. As you focus on your recovery, you will become more able to move on from the place you are living and get your own accomodation.

laurie6781

Oh (((((Quinne)))))

I so understand. the first 3 months of my recovery I lived in a Recovery home for Alcoholic women. It accommodated up to 15 women and it was always full. I look back on those days and truly wonder how we did not kill each other.

I believe it was because of the 'house meetings' and a 3/4th majority had to agree on any action before it was put in place. (no not killing a redsident, rofl but if we thought it was time to ask the resident to leave for 'breaking the rules', etc)

This sounds like it is time for a house meeting again, and a decision be made by ALL as to if the rules are being broken or not, and as to what the consequences are for said breaking of the rules, etc then take your vote to the 'managers' of your facility and see what they say.

I learned a lot about 'patience' and 'tolerance' while living there. Some really great lessons. I had to constantly remember that we ALL were sick and some of us were just sicker than others of us. There were times when I had to put the 'pray for the person for 14 days straight' into action. I also started learning about 'working the program I would like to see others work', in other words setting an example by my own ACTIONS not my words.

Yes and there were some gals that would 'bite the head of another off' when greeted. So the solution was to just say "Hi" and keep moving toward my room, or the kitchen or the big living room, etc

This would be a good topic to sit down with your sponsor and see if she has any suggestions on 'actions' you can take for your own recovery.

Love and hugs,

Quinne

Thanks for the speedy and helpful responses

I have proposed a house meeting for tomorrow night, when everyone will be home.

My sponsor has only really suggested spending time away from home; between meetings, stepwork, catching up with friends and the boy and having started a PT job last week, that in and of itself is not really an issue But it's my home too and in any case, i've been spending more time by myself early mornings doing my thing-probably my favourite time of day, irrespective of the situation

I have already put in some action and spoken with our peer support worker on a couple of occasions. He gave me some suggestions as to how to broach some of these things-i.e. starting with the basics and keeping it impersonal, such as the chores and general tidiness, which I raised for the second time last week. This has been slightly better.

laurie6781, I really appreciate your perspective and experience Some days are better/worse than others and really, all I have to do is talk about it when it comes up. People have a habit of broaching topics or struggles only at the house meeting (we all share for about 5 minutes) and I also brought this up at the last meeting. All growing and learning, really!

15 women?!?! Gosh, props to you! :P

Xx