pattyG

I am coming here to prevent myself from reaching out to someone who doesnt exist anymore. I am alone at Army Reserves and was missing my XAGF. I wanted to call her, talk to her. I called some friends but when I sat at my computer alone I started looking at old photos, 4 yrs ago, when we first got together. The pictures of her, me and the kids from that first few years....things weren't perfect, but so much better. The alcohol and mental illness hadn't destroyed her mind.
I have pretty much made up my mind to give my babysitter notice...for a lot of reasons. If you remember, she talks to my ex daily and a lot of info has been passed that way. The decision feels very finalizing. I won't have any avenue to ask about her or try to get info. Nor will she. I know this is best for everyone but my heart hurts tonight so much...for all i had hoped for for us....for the family I thought I had. I know its gone now and I have to accept that it is me and my kids....but I hurt

Crazed

I can truly relate. Dont call. We are here. Calling may feel good initially, but you will feel worse.

LexieCat

It will still hurt from time to time, patty, but it will get better. Staring at photos from the past, though, is a lousy use of your time. Moreover, it is like an alcoholic standing with her nose pressed against the window of a liquor store. Sound like a good, healthy thing to do if she wants to stay sober? Neither is looking at pictures good for YOUR recovery.

Letting the babysitter go is a GREAT idea. Keep snipping at those threads that keep you tied to someone who is out to destroy you. And that's what she is trying to do. She is forcing you to shell out a bunch of money in legal fees just so you can keep your OWN CHILDREN. What kind of person does that? An extremely selfish, deluded one. She could drop this ridiculous attack any time she wants. Instead, she is causing you no end of grief.

There are many caring, TRULY loving, generous people who you can bring into your life when the time is right. People who won't put you down and treat your children like chess pieces.

Please keep doing loving things for yourself. It WILL get better--but you have to give it some time.

wicked

Acceptance is key, but it does still hurt.
I am sorry for your hurt, but glad for you and your children.
Letting go of the babysitter is a good idea.

Beth

pattyG

Thank you all, Lexie you are so right. Looking at pictures is really self torture. I called home and Skyped with my girls. It made me feel so much better. They are so innocent and happy, 5,3 and 3. What a great age! I have seriously thought about taking them on a cruise May 1-9. The ship has free daycare so I could have some me time, yet they would love the boat, beach and ocean. I have alot of travel for the military over the next few months and the thought of 8 uninterrupted days with them sounds like heaven. Granted i will miss my son, but at 11 months, this is a good time to go if I'm going to do it. Am going to think on it somemore and make a decision by Mon.

SparkleKitty

I have read on here a few times and it always makes sense: No New Contact = No New Hurts.

The cruise sounds marvelous!

LexieCat

The cruise sounds like an AWESOME idea. And what a wonderful, nice break it would be for you--out in the middle of the ocean, nobody to disturb your time with your kids.

I vote a big thumbs-up on that idea!

And, I think it is great that you Skyped your kids instead of lingering over the photos. You will have lots of new photos to bring back from a trip with you and your lovely kiddos.

pattyG

Sparklekitty,

You are right!!! I like that!! No new contact=no new hurts! My mantra for times like this!

pattyG

Lexie,

I am 99% on board (pun) with the idea! and the money i will save by switching babysitters will help.