Will this weight ever be lifted???
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: New Hamphire
Posts: 5
Will this weight ever be lifted???
Not only am I a mom of one addict but I am the mother of two addicts. Both of my boys (19 and 15) have had the misfortune of meeting a demon in their adolescent years. For my husband and I, our worst nightmare has literally drained us emotionally and mentally. Although I am happy to report that my eldest has been clean since March 9th after a relapse of being clean for 108 days, we have been struggling and continue to struggle with our youngest who feels that his addiction is controllable and really not a "problem".
He has been an addict for almost 3 yrs and after multiple interventions, dr's, therapists and psychologist appts., nothing has seemed to help him and we are just hitting a roadblock as to what to do next with him. Tonight we attended our first NA meeting and although I was shocked to hear some of the stories, I was also honored to have been present while a young man was being recognized for his 1 yr sobriety. All I could think was, "if I could get my son to just stop for 1 day I would be ever so grateful let alone 1 yr". No parent wants to face the fact that their child/children now have to fight for the rest of their life to stay sober. I would give anything to go back and start their adolescent years over. Would it be different? One will never know but I do know that I would give anything to open my eyes and know for ONE day I would not have to worry whether or not my children are going to use or not.
He has been an addict for almost 3 yrs and after multiple interventions, dr's, therapists and psychologist appts., nothing has seemed to help him and we are just hitting a roadblock as to what to do next with him. Tonight we attended our first NA meeting and although I was shocked to hear some of the stories, I was also honored to have been present while a young man was being recognized for his 1 yr sobriety. All I could think was, "if I could get my son to just stop for 1 day I would be ever so grateful let alone 1 yr". No parent wants to face the fact that their child/children now have to fight for the rest of their life to stay sober. I would give anything to go back and start their adolescent years over. Would it be different? One will never know but I do know that I would give anything to open my eyes and know for ONE day I would not have to worry whether or not my children are going to use or not.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 2,684
Hello and welcome. I hope you've had a chance to see the sticky threads here and all the helpful information offered by many, parents included, who've walked a similar path.
Have you gone to any NarAnon meetings? My son had also used as a teen and, at one point in time, when he would attend NA meetings, I would head to NarAnon meetings, same time, same church; I found those meetings encouraging and helpful. There were NarAnon meetings offered at other facilities in my area as well, and I did go to one one of those at another location; at that time, though, I wasn't really ready to hear what the speaker was offering as far as letting go of the addict.
IMO, it's like a double whammy to parents - the growing pains of letting go of teens moving into adulthood to make decisions on their own along with trying to come to terms with the realities of substance abuse in those we love dearly.
We're here for you and I hope you stick around.
Have you gone to any NarAnon meetings? My son had also used as a teen and, at one point in time, when he would attend NA meetings, I would head to NarAnon meetings, same time, same church; I found those meetings encouraging and helpful. There were NarAnon meetings offered at other facilities in my area as well, and I did go to one one of those at another location; at that time, though, I wasn't really ready to hear what the speaker was offering as far as letting go of the addict.
IMO, it's like a double whammy to parents - the growing pains of letting go of teens moving into adulthood to make decisions on their own along with trying to come to terms with the realities of substance abuse in those we love dearly.
We're here for you and I hope you stick around.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
A mother's heart will always carry a weight as long as a child is in active addiction but it is possible to find a great degree of serenity in spite of it.
Welcome to SR......there are a lot of mothers and fathers here who will walk with you. You are not alone.
gentle hugs
ke
Welcome to SR......there are a lot of mothers and fathers here who will walk with you. You are not alone.
gentle hugs
ke
The sun still shines
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 472
Shelby, I am sorry for what you are going through. To answer your question, it does get better. Life goes on and joy does return.
This place is amazing. I came here in total darkness and the support I got helped me to find some lightness again.
This place is amazing. I came here in total darkness and the support I got helped me to find some lightness again.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Shelby, my grown son is an addict and I cannot imagine having twice this pain.
For years I tried everything to save my son, I couldn't love him clean, I couldn't buy him clean, I couldn't cry, beg, scream, threaten or manipulate him clean, and I almost died in the process.
If love could save our addicted loved ones, not one of us would be here.
What helped me find my balance and my sanity again was going to meetings and learning to work 12 steps that literally saved my life and have been a good foundation for living my life well...regardless of how my son lives his.
Al-anon, Nar-anon and CoDA are three similar fellowships that have helped many of us here, maybe give them a try and see if they don't help you too.
I am glad you joined us and hope you find some comfort and support here. My prayers go out for your boys...and for you. No mama should ever have to feel this pain.
Hugs
For years I tried everything to save my son, I couldn't love him clean, I couldn't buy him clean, I couldn't cry, beg, scream, threaten or manipulate him clean, and I almost died in the process.
If love could save our addicted loved ones, not one of us would be here.
What helped me find my balance and my sanity again was going to meetings and learning to work 12 steps that literally saved my life and have been a good foundation for living my life well...regardless of how my son lives his.
Al-anon, Nar-anon and CoDA are three similar fellowships that have helped many of us here, maybe give them a try and see if they don't help you too.
I am glad you joined us and hope you find some comfort and support here. My prayers go out for your boys...and for you. No mama should ever have to feel this pain.
Hugs
Grateful Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: MI
Posts: 1,080
Hi Shelby and welcome!
I am very sorry that you are having to deal with the pain of this horrible disease. My daughter is 18 and I struggle also with letting her be the "adult" she is, while being very codependent myself.
Its hard letting go of any child, even the ones on the right path, but letting go of a child for your own serenity sometimes just doesn't make sense to the mommies in us.
We are all here in the same boat, and all can really support each other.
God bless
I am very sorry that you are having to deal with the pain of this horrible disease. My daughter is 18 and I struggle also with letting her be the "adult" she is, while being very codependent myself.
Its hard letting go of any child, even the ones on the right path, but letting go of a child for your own serenity sometimes just doesn't make sense to the mommies in us.
We are all here in the same boat, and all can really support each other.
God bless
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