I still have hard feelings, but they have different meaning now
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Right here, right now!
Posts: 3,424
I still have hard feelings, but they have different meaning now
I was under the false impression that when I was "recovered" I would not have hard feelings like sadness, anger etc any longer.
I am so grateful that I was once again very, very wrong.
The details are unimportant for the story, but I am in the process of staying with the same company, but going to a part time position that I really want. That part is straightforward, but the politics behind if I can stay in my current position part time is not. I am feeling a full range of emotions around it. Excited about the new job, sad that this move is creating quite a shake up etc.
Last week my current boss (he has a history of this) did some really bonehead things because of this change to my coworkers. It stirred up a lot of hard emotions for me, and I struggled (though I was not even at work the two days it happened). Anxiety, stomach upset etc abounded.
What these feelings did though was astonishing. I am not living with them on a chronic basis any longer and as a result they helped to point me in the direction of what to do to make them better. I got support. I talked about it with friends and my counselor. I made some decisions that put me first, but hopefully can benefit the whole situation.
Recovery is not about not having the feelings it is about not having the hard ones all the time, and most importantly and feeling them.....
I am so grateful that I was once again very, very wrong.
The details are unimportant for the story, but I am in the process of staying with the same company, but going to a part time position that I really want. That part is straightforward, but the politics behind if I can stay in my current position part time is not. I am feeling a full range of emotions around it. Excited about the new job, sad that this move is creating quite a shake up etc.
Last week my current boss (he has a history of this) did some really bonehead things because of this change to my coworkers. It stirred up a lot of hard emotions for me, and I struggled (though I was not even at work the two days it happened). Anxiety, stomach upset etc abounded.
What these feelings did though was astonishing. I am not living with them on a chronic basis any longer and as a result they helped to point me in the direction of what to do to make them better. I got support. I talked about it with friends and my counselor. I made some decisions that put me first, but hopefully can benefit the whole situation.
Recovery is not about not having the feelings it is about not having the hard ones all the time, and most importantly and feeling them.....
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Central Valley
Posts: 131
It is hard to put things in perspective when looking at situations with 'sober eyes' when you once only had fuzzy observations or reactions. At least I did.
My recent job loss was not unexpected and frankly a relief. I too had a boss that had I been in my hazy, hung-over fog, I would have taken what he did and said (or didn't do or say) at face value.
I have realized in the months prior to my not-so-sudden departure, that he means well but is in way over his head. The ridiculous shuffling of desks, offices, responsibilities, job descriptions, at first angered and frustrated me and now, no longer part of it - and being sober at the same time, makes me feel sorry for him. He's got 5 kids and a wife and I'm sure his days are numbered with the company. He is not from this area and it's doubtful he'll be able to roll into another position any time soon.
Previously, I would have blamed a lot of things on myself, feeling insecure, unstable.
Sober-thinking has brought new and a better outlook. Mostly, it's the feeling not of being guilty that I f-ed everything up because my alcoholic brain couldn't deal with the situation and save an otherwise good job. It wasn't a good job, but I am a good, employable person.
My recent job loss was not unexpected and frankly a relief. I too had a boss that had I been in my hazy, hung-over fog, I would have taken what he did and said (or didn't do or say) at face value.
I have realized in the months prior to my not-so-sudden departure, that he means well but is in way over his head. The ridiculous shuffling of desks, offices, responsibilities, job descriptions, at first angered and frustrated me and now, no longer part of it - and being sober at the same time, makes me feel sorry for him. He's got 5 kids and a wife and I'm sure his days are numbered with the company. He is not from this area and it's doubtful he'll be able to roll into another position any time soon.
Previously, I would have blamed a lot of things on myself, feeling insecure, unstable.
Sober-thinking has brought new and a better outlook. Mostly, it's the feeling not of being guilty that I f-ed everything up because my alcoholic brain couldn't deal with the situation and save an otherwise good job. It wasn't a good job, but I am a good, employable person.
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