How to say no?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 4
How to say no?
Hi,
I am getting really tired of my man using on top of methadone!
He says things like "arn't I doing well?" But he's not he's just using methadone to cover the cost of being high and any other money he has mostly gets spent on more OxyContin and paying back his debts from it.
I want to be there for him but he gets irritated when I bring the subject up
I lent him $80 to pay for his doses this morning but I feel like I'm enabling him and helping him at the same time!
Please how do I bring up the subject? Do I give him an ultimatum?
He hates ultimatums and he brings up the fact I knew he was a user when I started going out with him-BUT he always said he was going to quit!
How do I tell him I am not happy with this situation?
He seems like he's so proud of himself for what? Being able to be on methadone for 2 weeks?
But he's using on top of it!
What do I say???????
I am getting really tired of my man using on top of methadone!
He says things like "arn't I doing well?" But he's not he's just using methadone to cover the cost of being high and any other money he has mostly gets spent on more OxyContin and paying back his debts from it.
I want to be there for him but he gets irritated when I bring the subject up
I lent him $80 to pay for his doses this morning but I feel like I'm enabling him and helping him at the same time!
Please how do I bring up the subject? Do I give him an ultimatum?
He hates ultimatums and he brings up the fact I knew he was a user when I started going out with him-BUT he always said he was going to quit!
How do I tell him I am not happy with this situation?
He seems like he's so proud of himself for what? Being able to be on methadone for 2 weeks?
But he's using on top of it!
What do I say???????
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
"No" is a complete sentence.
How do you tell him you're unhappy with the situation? I suspect (if you're like most of us) you've expressed that you're unhappy with the situation. If he's like most addicts, he shuts you down, turns it around, and next thing you know.....the conversation is about all the things you've done wrong.
The best way to tell an addict that you're unhappy with the situation is to do something positive for yourself. Addicts hear what we "do".......not what we say.
gentle hugs
ke
How do you tell him you're unhappy with the situation? I suspect (if you're like most of us) you've expressed that you're unhappy with the situation. If he's like most addicts, he shuts you down, turns it around, and next thing you know.....the conversation is about all the things you've done wrong.
The best way to tell an addict that you're unhappy with the situation is to do something positive for yourself. Addicts hear what we "do".......not what we say.
gentle hugs
ke
Restoring myself to sanity
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Georgia
Posts: 1,018
I agree with KE, No is a complete sentence.. How do you say no? You just say NO!! Practice saying it over and over with different scenarios.. Once you say no, it gets easier the second and third time around.. Ill never forget the first time I said NO to my ex, I think we were both shocked..
Have you attended an alanon meeting yet? I encourage you to do so, it will give you the tools to set some very strong boundaries for yourself and the sentence No will be spoken quite a lot..
Have you attended an alanon meeting yet? I encourage you to do so, it will give you the tools to set some very strong boundaries for yourself and the sentence No will be spoken quite a lot..
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I agree, what we do is a better indicator than what we say.
"I'm sorry I have no money" followed by silence while he pleads and storms says you will not participate in his addiction.
This worked with my son, how do you argue with "I have no money"?
It's a sad situation you are in. My prayers go out for both of you.
Hugs
"I'm sorry I have no money" followed by silence while he pleads and storms says you will not participate in his addiction.
This worked with my son, how do you argue with "I have no money"?
It's a sad situation you are in. My prayers go out for both of you.
Hugs
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