Mizzuno

On my way home from the eatery, the idea of alcohol creeps into my mind. This would be the time that I drink. I am done with my responsibilities and all is well in the world. This insidious disease will destroy every part of a human being if allowed. Even after reaching for the stars, and landing what I thought was a job that would satisfy my talents and desires only to lose it. I still think of alcohol and consuming it. I am appalled. Seriously brain? Do you not know the damage that this liquid monster has caused? Do you not know that you are going to die if you continue drinking?
On top of it all, I believe that my sponsor dumped me. Its a gut feeling. I havent been attending 6 meetings a week. The ones that she goes to are honestly to damn early for me. I need to sleep, go to work, do the next best thing. I am sober and have no reason to not be. One day at a time, I am figuring out how to live my life without WINE. It is hard and troublesome. That is alcoholism my friends.

(excuse the grammar....Im working on it)

Richierich777

Hey at least you did not drink and shared that with us. Thank you. I just have to think what will happen if I do ... No way. I have a great job and all of the crap I did before , hiding, sneaking like a kid, I'm to old for that crap anymore. I do think about it, but I would let a lot of people down and myself. Thanks for sharing and as they say, "keep coming back." LOL

Nonsensical

The part of your brain that craves alcohol has absolutely no idea that it's bad for you. And you have absolutely no control over whether it craves alcohol or not. All you can do is tell it "no".

It doesn't like to be told "no". It's like a 2-year-old who has discovered candy and does not understand why it can't have more. So it whines and begs and pleads and rationalizes and negotiates and threatens and insults and throws tantrums - whatever it can think to do to convince YOU to give it alcohol. It can't be reasoned with, so don't bother asking it if it understands. It doesn't. YOU do. IT does not. In the end, however, it's annoying, but powerless - unless you do what it says.

Tell it "no" and tune it out! Good job!

fantail

At least you recognize it! I'm a big meditator and one of the principles in practice is to acknowledge your thoughts, observe them, and let them go... Trying to control our thoughts in some ways leads to alcoholism ("I don't want to feel sad right now, I'm going to drink until I don't"). By acknowledging your thoughts and letting them be, but not acting on them, you're moving in a positive direction!

2granddaughters

It's AlcoholISM ... not AlcoholWASM.

All the best.

Bob R

Mizzuno

True, True. Very good.

Anna

I found it really helped me to change my routine during the time of the day when I was most likely to drink. I got out of the house right after supper and walked for an hour. The benefits had a ripple effect in my life.

I'm glad you got through the day!

Toss

Not sure how much you relate to the "Addicative Voice" or "Beast" thought, but I really relate to it. I have isolated the beast in a deep dark corner of my mind, and he is tolling in obscurity. It took a while to progress with this thinking, but I associate all my alcoholic desire to the beast. To me, he is only trying to do one thing, fulfill his desire to drink. In my mind, if that type of thought presents itself, I control it, not the beast. I ignore him, to me he is death.

I know your struggling, keep talking, you can get through this.

Toss

Mizzuno

And getting through it I am. I am such a thinker. There was no way in H##l that i was going to succumb to the addictive voice. I know what this is....I know the scenario very well. I can not handle any more self destruction. I was amazed that the thought would even enter this brain. That is what it does though. That is what it is.

Toss

But that is what the AV does, it won't give up. I have no desire to drink but it's funny how many times I think about it everyday. You can't beat yourself up for it. It's a normal thought pattern that you can learn to deal with and admonish.

Driving to work, I daily pass by a "beer on sale" billboard, then a few miles later the "Don't lose it all to alcohol" billboard. I come home and watch a sporting event sponsored by "the offical beer of the NFL", etc...., it's almost unavoidable.

I went to lunch today with co-workers and heard for thirty minutes about what alcohol was their favorite or least, and war stories about this years Mardi Gras and how trashed they all got. I ate quietly and daydreamed about this weekend, working around the house with my family and practicing baseball with my son.

I could feel my AV perking up, but he didn't dare.

Hope my rambling helps,

Toss

RDBplus3

I drank for 40 years, and just 4 months ago I made a Commitment to Sobriety, and freedom from the Addiction. The continual cycling of thoughts and impulses to drink coming from my addiction-corrupted Beast Brain is unnerving at times, and understandable. I have let that Beast Brain get control twice in these 4 months...I let the Screaming Bloody Murder of the Beast get traction, and almost subtly, the impulse was as natural to drink as it was before I made my Commitment.
I realize the mistake.
I have now revisited my Commitment to Sobriety, and have made it the most important rule, no matter what, I don't drink alcohol. If the clamoring of my addiction-corrupted Beast Brain starts to get traction, I just remember...I have driven a stake in the ground called SOBRIETY, and I have chained that Beast to it like a DOG. It can't get much traction, because I know it is chained to that Commitment, and it gets NOTHING from me.

kizzy40

I know this will sound strange but can you ever be truly cured if there is a part of your psyche you are at odds with?...
To be a whole you must make peace with the sums of your parts in a way, if theres an issue face it directly and assertively don't lock it away as theres the chance it may escape and go on a rampage... Rehabilitate it

mecanix

For me Mizz, the urges got less and less frequent the longer i went from day 0 .

I'd fully expect it to be a riot in your head for a while yet, it was with me . It will get better with time . It was good after 2 months , great after 6 , and i think it finally gave up after 10 ( i remain vigilant though) .

Desire is the thought of having something pleasurable at some point in the future , i found it incredibly dull to have to keep shepheard my own "flock of stray cats" thoughts away from certain well worn ruts in my head, it can be done and with pitience the new ways of thinking become habbitual , re-enforced by my own version of aversion therapy with relation to alcohol having any positives .

keep on

bestwishes, M