Kimmay

So I hope im starting this off right. Kinda just going to go on about the past 10 years of my life and the way alcohol has wasted so much of my time, life, money, and I could go on. Started binge drinking at the age of 16 (now 26). Ive never been one to drink everyday, wake up and need to drink, got angry when I didn't have alcohol, never sold or stole to buy alcohol. None of the "typical" alcoholic attributes. Actually ages 18-20 I didn't really drink much, and kinda figured I went through a lot of downs in my early teenage years so at 16/17 I was just in my rebel stage and a "social" drinker. Although I did still drink it wasn't an every weekend thing anymore until I hit about 22. Than it was o Its Friday we gotta drink, its so n sos bday we gotta drink, this bar has specials we gotta drink, its a holiday we gotta drink, etc etc etc. But again I only drank w "friends" and only on "drinking" days. That stopped once I got away from "friends" and than I went back to only drinking once or twice a month. At about 25 I went through some moody stage in my life and would drink every weekend again for about 5 months this went on. Now I drink sometimes once a weekend or once every other weekend. Might sound as my issues isn't too bad. Thing is I am not "social" drinker as I tried to once claim. I am a problematic drinker. Alcohol turns me into someone im not. 70% of the 100s of times ive drank in the past 10 yrs have had something negative happen. I have had countless arguments and fights w my spouse (how hes still with me im unsure and no he does not have any drinking problems) I have totaled 2 cars, I have one dui, a public disturbance, a public drunkness. Ive beat charges I shouldn't of, been in multiple fights, broken ankle falling when to drunk, Fines out of my a## and way to many bad decisions I want to admit to while ive been drunk!! Ive missed work, ive made my kids miss school bc I couldn't get up, ive fought with friends and strangers for no reason, I had a very sexual past bc of bad decisions when drunk, as I get older, even if I don't drink til I cant anymore, I wake up and don't remember anything. I spend money on going out /drinking even when I know I cant afford it. I could probably go on and on w the negatives alcohol has had on my life. My friends really aren't help. I live literally in an alcoholic town. when I got my dui a had friends who wanted to take me out to "welcome me to the dui club" I get a public drunkness my friends say wow you must of had a fun night. When no nothing fun about it. Its ruining my life, my family and myself. Im finally sitting down admitting my issues. I can go months without drinking. But I can not sit down and have a few sips of wine or one cocktail. Even if im home drinking by myself I can down a whole bottle of rum. and after that first sip I cant stop til its gone. I just need help to stop drinking all together. I always give myself the o I had a long/bad week, I want a drink, or night out w the girls, or im bored. Again I may only drink 3/4 a month but I drink enough in those times for 3-4 months. Me spending the money causes issues, me being drunk causes issues, me being belligerent and ignorant causes issues. Like idk how to look for help. Bc it sounds pretty easy right. Just stop drinking. And I tell myself that and I wont. But than something traumatic, emotionally or stressful will happen and I feel I HAVE to self medicate w a few drinks. Trust me I am not a nice or happy emotional drunk. I guess I need a new way to deal with things? Idk not really sure. Past 10 yrs ive self medicated w alcohol and I need to learn how to stop. I don't want to be a social drinker weekend drinker I just don't want to be a drinker at all anymore. 10 yrs is enough! I just really think I need to know someone is here w me and understands me. Ive tried talking to my spouse about my problem last year and first he kinda laughed than he kinda got mad asking if I was saying I was an alcoholic and what was wrong w me. and the convo basically ended there. So I told myself im not an alcoholic and kept drinking. NOw im drinking every week so im having problems more n more. I don't have anyone who understands me. Without anyone to talk to when the weekend rolls around or I have a bad day and the thought of drinking pops in my mind, sometimes I can hold it off other times I get down n out n say im already a **** up might as well not stop now. But I have to stop if not for Me. To be the happy awesome Mother I am. Not and amazing mother for 20 days and than hungover the next day. I don't want my children to go through this so I need to stop now before they are the ages my drinking affects their opinions on alcohol. If you believe you could help or my situation sounds even a bit familiar. I would love to talk. Just knowing I have someone to turn to that would understand and be there I think would help.

Coldfusion

This is a good place for folks who understand about drinking.

We can also give you support in staying sober!

SoberD

Your story sounds like me about 10 years ago - serious weekend binges, drugs, sex, partying, dui, public drunkenness, etc - however, it most certainly progressed from just weekends to 4-6 days a week and sometimes benders for weeks. Glad you are seeking help before its get worse...because it almost inevitably will...

MythOfSisyphus

Welcome to SR! The first step is to realize you have a problem that you're not fixing. You can stop! SR is a good resource to help.

nfijules

Hi Kimmay...your story is also my story....I can relate. I had 5 children ages 2-20 and was married, job, etc. I was soccer mom/party mom. I For many years it worked, then slowly, the fights, hangovers, etc. Two years ago, I threw my hands up and surrendered. I went to treatment so I could learn sober ways of living and have joined AA and CMA....life changed only for the better for me. You may PM me anytime. Goodluck girl - u are NOT alone!