Pressured into too many AA meetings?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 20
Pressured into too many AA meetings?
TL;DR - AA member roommate pressuring me to go to meetings every day. When I want to hang out with my boyfriend instead, she seems disappointed, and tells me I am not putting my recovery first. I want to take the AA "suggestions," but with how busy I am, I can't go to a meeting every day and have a life. How do I balance this? Or perhaps more importantly, how can I get my roommate to understand that I have a relationship that is important too, and missing a meeting doesn't mean I'm going to immediately relapse?
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This is my second time getting sober, 16 days so far. In 2009-2010 I made it to 10 months sober after spending a month in an inpatient treatment facility that was not AA-based. I was, however, exposed to AA philosophies once a week while in treatment, and became fairly involved in a group after treatment while I was home for Christmas that year. Aside from those few weeks, though, I have not been a regular attender of AA meetings. I tried a couple meetings in my city after Christmas and couldn't find one that I clicked with.
So, it's been about three years since my last meeting. I recently moved in with a woman who has been sober for 10 years and is very involved in AA. I have wanted to quit drinking for a long time (I'm sick of it, my boyfriend is sick of it) and found that she was a good motivator to get sober again. She didn't know I was an active alcoholic until after I moved in, and she said it made her uncomfortable. I like her and I want this roommate situation to work, so I figured I should make an honest effort at staying sober.
My roommate has been bringing me to meetings with her, all of which I have enjoyed. I still have hesitations about AA's philosophies (I've never done the steps or had a sponsor) for reasons I won't get into, but the meetings definitely leave me with a good feeling and I see nothing wrong with hitting up a meeting a few times a week.
Problem is, I'm finding myself feeling guilty for having a life outside of meetings. Before this spree of meetings, I was hanging out with my boyfriend every night I could since we don't live together and we're both very busy with work. Free moments are hard to find with our schedules. (It's a serious relationship; we have been together for several years and used to live together, so these few evenings a week feel like very little compared to what we are used to.)
When I tell her I can't go to the meeting that night, she says I am not putting my recovery first, etc. I personally do not feel that missing a meeting to go spend time with my partner, who I love and who makes me feel good, is going to cause me to immediately relapse.
I guess the problem is that she has been in AA for a decade and really does think that you should go to as many meetings as possible. I don't think it's quite the life or death situation. I expect to receive two different responses to this:
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This is my second time getting sober, 16 days so far. In 2009-2010 I made it to 10 months sober after spending a month in an inpatient treatment facility that was not AA-based. I was, however, exposed to AA philosophies once a week while in treatment, and became fairly involved in a group after treatment while I was home for Christmas that year. Aside from those few weeks, though, I have not been a regular attender of AA meetings. I tried a couple meetings in my city after Christmas and couldn't find one that I clicked with.
So, it's been about three years since my last meeting. I recently moved in with a woman who has been sober for 10 years and is very involved in AA. I have wanted to quit drinking for a long time (I'm sick of it, my boyfriend is sick of it) and found that she was a good motivator to get sober again. She didn't know I was an active alcoholic until after I moved in, and she said it made her uncomfortable. I like her and I want this roommate situation to work, so I figured I should make an honest effort at staying sober.
My roommate has been bringing me to meetings with her, all of which I have enjoyed. I still have hesitations about AA's philosophies (I've never done the steps or had a sponsor) for reasons I won't get into, but the meetings definitely leave me with a good feeling and I see nothing wrong with hitting up a meeting a few times a week.
Problem is, I'm finding myself feeling guilty for having a life outside of meetings. Before this spree of meetings, I was hanging out with my boyfriend every night I could since we don't live together and we're both very busy with work. Free moments are hard to find with our schedules. (It's a serious relationship; we have been together for several years and used to live together, so these few evenings a week feel like very little compared to what we are used to.)
When I tell her I can't go to the meeting that night, she says I am not putting my recovery first, etc. I personally do not feel that missing a meeting to go spend time with my partner, who I love and who makes me feel good, is going to cause me to immediately relapse.
I guess the problem is that she has been in AA for a decade and really does think that you should go to as many meetings as possible. I don't think it's quite the life or death situation. I expect to receive two different responses to this:
- AA members who agree that I should be going to meetings every night and will fail for not strictly adhering to the "suggestions"
- People who will help me free myself of guilt for having a life by guiding me about how to deal with someone with such black-and-white beliefs about how to stay sober (not the same as being in recovery, which may be the crux of the issue here)
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 522
Go to as many meetings as you need to stay sober.
I have just over 6 months, and my sponsor never said go to a meeting every day, never said do "90 in 90" (that is nowhere in the big book).
I go to 3 or 4 meetings a week, because I want to, not because I have to. It's just the right amount for me.
I've stayed sober over 6 months doing what I've been doing, so I'm going to keep doing it.
Remember, your recovery is just that, yours, not your roommate's.
I have just over 6 months, and my sponsor never said go to a meeting every day, never said do "90 in 90" (that is nowhere in the big book).
I go to 3 or 4 meetings a week, because I want to, not because I have to. It's just the right amount for me.
I've stayed sober over 6 months doing what I've been doing, so I'm going to keep doing it.
Remember, your recovery is just that, yours, not your roommate's.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,960
Find a sponsor and work the steps and see how you feel.
Many people attend more than one meeting a day and have decades of sobriety and have been doing so since they first became sober.
They also have well rounded lives and volunteer regularly, attend church, work, take care of their homes and families, sponsor others and get to more than one meeting a day. Amazing how this can be done.
There are others who choose not to attend meetings daily.
Both types of people can remain sober.
Only you can decide how important your sobriety is to you. Also how to work and see your boyfriend and balance everything.
Your life, your decisions.
Many people attend more than one meeting a day and have decades of sobriety and have been doing so since they first became sober.
They also have well rounded lives and volunteer regularly, attend church, work, take care of their homes and families, sponsor others and get to more than one meeting a day. Amazing how this can be done.
There are others who choose not to attend meetings daily.
Both types of people can remain sober.
Only you can decide how important your sobriety is to you. Also how to work and see your boyfriend and balance everything.
Your life, your decisions.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Let me preface this by saying I am not in AA, though their precepts have helped keep me sober for two and a half years.
Three years ago you were told you weren't putting your recovery first. You drank for three more years. Seems that person was right. Your current roommate says the same thing. Is she right? I don't know. But don't be surprised if she asks you to leave.
She has ten years sober. You have sixteen days. I think she has your best interest at heart. Perhaps you should listen.
Just my opinion.
Three years ago you were told you weren't putting your recovery first. You drank for three more years. Seems that person was right. Your current roommate says the same thing. Is she right? I don't know. But don't be surprised if she asks you to leave.
She has ten years sober. You have sixteen days. I think she has your best interest at heart. Perhaps you should listen.
Just my opinion.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,474
Well, one thing I know for sure is that balance is crucial for me, every day. I walk every day and do yoga most days. I read spiritual and inspirational books. I spend quiet time with myself, and I work on keeping a positive attitude. That's what works for me.
It sounds like you're in an awkward situation with this woman who is pushing you to go to a lot of AA meetings, but you do like her and want to continue living with her. It sounds like the living arrangement may not work out if you don't follow her lead to the AA meetings. So, I guess you need to do some soul-searching and decide what you want in recovery and in your living arrangment. Hopefully you can peace in both areas.
It sounds like you're in an awkward situation with this woman who is pushing you to go to a lot of AA meetings, but you do like her and want to continue living with her. It sounds like the living arrangement may not work out if you don't follow her lead to the AA meetings. So, I guess you need to do some soul-searching and decide what you want in recovery and in your living arrangment. Hopefully you can peace in both areas.
now's the time
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,181
It sounds like she's projecting. Recovery is a big deal and I think all of us, no matter which approach we're taking, can accidentally start thinking we know the answers for everyone. I feel like lately I've been telling everyone, in every situation, to do yoga. Too tired? Yoga! Can't sleep? Yoga! Cravings? Yoga! JUST DO YOGA IT'LL FIX IT GUYS I SWEAR.
Anyway it comes from a good place.
My advice would be that rather than trying to take it as it comes, e.g., a little minor argument every time you turn down a meeting invite, have a big sit down conversation with her. Explain that you really respect her sobriety and see her as an incredible resource, and that if you ever felt that you were sliding she would be one of the first people you would turn to for advice (if that's OK with her). But that you feel like you and she have slightly different needs and approaches. You'd like her to respect that and also to stop worrying... you feel good and very well supported.
I can't imagine she'll not respond to something along those lines. Once she does, when she starts up again you have a calm discussion to refer back to ("This is one of those things I was talking about... right now for my recovery I'd like to spend a nice evening with my boyfriend.")
If she can't be reasonable even in that setting, then maybe you need a new roommate.
Anyway it comes from a good place.
My advice would be that rather than trying to take it as it comes, e.g., a little minor argument every time you turn down a meeting invite, have a big sit down conversation with her. Explain that you really respect her sobriety and see her as an incredible resource, and that if you ever felt that you were sliding she would be one of the first people you would turn to for advice (if that's OK with her). But that you feel like you and she have slightly different needs and approaches. You'd like her to respect that and also to stop worrying... you feel good and very well supported.
I can't imagine she'll not respond to something along those lines. Once she does, when she starts up again you have a calm discussion to refer back to ("This is one of those things I was talking about... right now for my recovery I'd like to spend a nice evening with my boyfriend.")
If she can't be reasonable even in that setting, then maybe you need a new roommate.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 20
Originally Posted by doggonecarl 
Let me preface this by saying I am not in AA, though their precepts have helped keep me sober for two and a half years.
Three years ago you were told you weren't putting your recovery first. You drank for three more years. Seems that person was right. Your current roommate says the same thing. Is she right? I don't know. But don't be surprised if she asks you to leave.
She has ten years sober. You have sixteen days. I think she has your best interest at heart. Perhaps you should listen.
Just my opinion.
Three years ago you were told you weren't putting your recovery first. You drank for three more years. Seems that person was right. Your current roommate says the same thing. Is she right? I don't know. But don't be surprised if she asks you to leave.
She has ten years sober. You have sixteen days. I think she has your best interest at heart. Perhaps you should listen.
Just my opinion.
Now, is the answer 90 in 90? As in, if I don't take that suggestion, am I doomed for a repeat and relapse again? Obviously I trust the advice of those with longer periods of sobriety. That's why I'm doing the meetings. I just don't know if it is reasonable to expect that I essentially abandon my relationship in order to go to a meeting every night. I don't think it is going to mean life or death for me in the recovery process. I need a non-AA life too in order to be happy and healthy.
I'm a very willing participant in AA. I just don't know if I should be feeling like I'm doing myself a disservice and will eventually relapse if I don't make it to a meeting every night...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
I don't think it was fair of you to become this person's roommate and NOT disclose to her that you have a severe problem with alcohol.
She's a great "motivator" for you? it sounds like you are using her but you still want your terms. She says it makes her uncomfortable and she is instilling her program to you...Did you even think that your drinking might be a trigger for her?
I'm glad that you are trying to quit and i DO NOT practice AA.
But this woman's home is her safe haven. You don't know how difficult it was for her to achieve and keep her own sobriety. If she is active in AA and makes it her life, maybe this is what she needs to do for herself. it's not your place to judge her either.
I'm not saying that you cannot practice your own way to sobriety, but you should do it without stepping on her lifestyle. I think that it was wrong for you to not share this information with her before she allowed you to be her roommate.
If it is HER house, you should move out for now. This way you can remain friends and not use her. If you wanted to ask for her help outside the living situation how would you feel about her suggestions?
Like I said, i think it might be threatening for her to have you around, newly sober with a different lifestyle and perhaps prone to relapse.
She's a great "motivator" for you? it sounds like you are using her but you still want your terms. She says it makes her uncomfortable and she is instilling her program to you...Did you even think that your drinking might be a trigger for her?
I'm glad that you are trying to quit and i DO NOT practice AA.
But this woman's home is her safe haven. You don't know how difficult it was for her to achieve and keep her own sobriety. If she is active in AA and makes it her life, maybe this is what she needs to do for herself. it's not your place to judge her either.
I'm not saying that you cannot practice your own way to sobriety, but you should do it without stepping on her lifestyle. I think that it was wrong for you to not share this information with her before she allowed you to be her roommate.
If it is HER house, you should move out for now. This way you can remain friends and not use her. If you wanted to ask for her help outside the living situation how would you feel about her suggestions?
Like I said, i think it might be threatening for her to have you around, newly sober with a different lifestyle and perhaps prone to relapse.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 20
Originally Posted by fantail
It sounds like she's projecting. Recovery is a big deal and I think all of us, no matter which approach we're taking, can accidentally start thinking we know the answers for everyone. I feel like lately I've been telling everyone, in every situation, to do yoga. Too tired? Yoga! Can't sleep? Yoga! Cravings? Yoga! JUST DO YOGA IT'LL FIX IT GUYS I SWEAR.
Anyway it comes from a good place.
My advice would be that rather than trying to take it as it comes, e.g., a little minor argument every time you turn down a meeting invite, have a big sit down conversation with her. Explain that you really respect her sobriety and see her as an incredible resource, and that if you ever felt that you were sliding she would be one of the first people you would turn to for advice (if that's OK with her). But that you feel like you and she have slightly different needs and approaches. You'd like her to respect that and also to stop worrying... you feel good and very well supported.
I can't imagine she'll not respond to something along those lines. Once she does, when she starts up again you have a calm discussion to refer back to ("This is one of those things I was talking about... right now for my recovery I'd like to spend a nice evening with my boyfriend.")
If she can't be reasonable even in that setting, then maybe you need a new roommate.
Anyway it comes from a good place.
My advice would be that rather than trying to take it as it comes, e.g., a little minor argument every time you turn down a meeting invite, have a big sit down conversation with her. Explain that you really respect her sobriety and see her as an incredible resource, and that if you ever felt that you were sliding she would be one of the first people you would turn to for advice (if that's OK with her). But that you feel like you and she have slightly different needs and approaches. You'd like her to respect that and also to stop worrying... you feel good and very well supported.
I can't imagine she'll not respond to something along those lines. Once she does, when she starts up again you have a calm discussion to refer back to ("This is one of those things I was talking about... right now for my recovery I'd like to spend a nice evening with my boyfriend.")
If she can't be reasonable even in that setting, then maybe you need a new roommate.
I would like to have a discussion like that with her. I think she will understand, but I also think she will continue to watch me, almost waiting for me to fail. Does that make sense?
OTOH, plenty of people go to meetings and fail at sobriety too...nothing is foolproof.
Aka.. Indamiricale. :)
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Dr.Bob's Neighbor
Posts: 2,728
I can only speak for me..
I was asked how often did I drink?
Because no matter what I could find time for that, so I could find a hour a day....
And if you don't get a sponsor and work the steps, your simply hanging out in a room with coffee..
And this only you can decide when you want to surrender, and its true I have seen it over over, anything you put above your sobriety You will lose..
So as long as you don't drink and are happy thats awesome. But I needed a way to find a life without drinking and AA was and is the way for me..
I was asked how often did I drink?
Because no matter what I could find time for that, so I could find a hour a day....
And if you don't get a sponsor and work the steps, your simply hanging out in a room with coffee..
And this only you can decide when you want to surrender, and its true I have seen it over over, anything you put above your sobriety You will lose..
So as long as you don't drink and are happy thats awesome. But I needed a way to find a life without drinking and AA was and is the way for me..
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
My old AA sponsor told me that there is 24 hrs in a day and if I give 1 hr to an AA meeting that the other 23 hrs will go better.
Those were good odds, particularly based on how my life had been before AA ......
What does your sponsor say about your attendance ?? I had to listen to my sponsor and the oldtimers.
All the best.
Bob R
Those were good odds, particularly based on how my life had been before AA ......
What does your sponsor say about your attendance ?? I had to listen to my sponsor and the oldtimers.
All the best.
Bob R
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
Originally Posted by StarlessNight
I just don't know if it is reasonable to expect that I essentially abandon my relationship in order to go to a meeting every night. I don't think it is going to mean life or death for me in the recovery process. I need a non-AA life too in order to be happy and healthy.
I'm a very willing participant in AA. I just don't know if I should be feeling like I'm doing myself a disservice and will eventually relapse if I don't make it to a meeting every night...
I'm a very willing participant in AA. I just don't know if I should be feeling like I'm doing myself a disservice and will eventually relapse if I don't make it to a meeting every night...
When I think of all the effort I put into drinking and getting booze, nothing would have stopped me. Recovery should be the same.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by StarlessNight
doggonecarl - Nobody told me three years ago that I wasn't putting my recovery first. (?) I relapsed in 2010
Like neferkamichael said so concisely, "...if you want to stay sober, you will."
I think you will find a lot of folks here got sober a lot of different ways. None more right than anyone else's way, just right for them. If you understand we all tend to trumpet what worked for us, you will glean a lot of wisdom from the blare.
I hope this go around for you is the one that sticks. Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
Oooh, let me spread my infinite wisdom on this one. Just kidding, I'm only 8 months sober, but I do have some thoughts and have been down that road.
I also spent time in an inpatient facility and so far I've made out okay, haven't relapsed. I went to AA as a mandatory thing in treatment but didn't follow up hard core afterwards. I still use AA once in while, I might even go this weekend. I like to go every once in a while, listen, share some thoughts and move on.
Unfortunately there's been a growing pressure. I've been told by people who JUST MET ME, who don't know me, that I'm "Not Doing Enough", and it completely sours me on the whole thing. I get pressured to join other meetings, to attend events (that honestly don't sound like much fun - a bake sale party? Really? During the NCAA Tournament?). I have been approached by certain "cliques" in this AA group and everyone wants a piece.
For me, I tried honoring their requests and it just didn't work. It was so uncomfortable and forced. It honestly made me wonder what cult these people belong to, and how they can all just follow this "system" so blindly. I totally understand the need for structure, but whatever happened to independent thought? Why is it so bad to think for yourself?
Don't be bullied. Your instincts are right - there are a lot of people who frankly are very very very lost, and the automatic friendship you get from AA is the most important thing in their lives. I have a basic sense of how to live independently - and if you do too, then you should just do what you want! This is the spooky side of AA. Beware. Your instincts are right on.
Good luck and congrats! Keep sober!
I also spent time in an inpatient facility and so far I've made out okay, haven't relapsed. I went to AA as a mandatory thing in treatment but didn't follow up hard core afterwards. I still use AA once in while, I might even go this weekend. I like to go every once in a while, listen, share some thoughts and move on.
Unfortunately there's been a growing pressure. I've been told by people who JUST MET ME, who don't know me, that I'm "Not Doing Enough", and it completely sours me on the whole thing. I get pressured to join other meetings, to attend events (that honestly don't sound like much fun - a bake sale party? Really? During the NCAA Tournament?). I have been approached by certain "cliques" in this AA group and everyone wants a piece.
For me, I tried honoring their requests and it just didn't work. It was so uncomfortable and forced. It honestly made me wonder what cult these people belong to, and how they can all just follow this "system" so blindly. I totally understand the need for structure, but whatever happened to independent thought? Why is it so bad to think for yourself?
Don't be bullied. Your instincts are right - there are a lot of people who frankly are very very very lost, and the automatic friendship you get from AA is the most important thing in their lives. I have a basic sense of how to live independently - and if you do too, then you should just do what you want! This is the spooky side of AA. Beware. Your instincts are right on.
Good luck and congrats! Keep sober!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: fort wayne, IN.
Posts: 1,085
I have done AA, counseling, church, and here. Right now SR is what I need. When I was younger I had a different approach. A few years ago I had a sponser who insisted I call her everyday. OK, I did. She liked to talk on the phone. I had two kids at the time and a business to run. I would say things like," I got to get dinner for my kids or I have to take a call" and it would sail over her head. I had another one who wanted a daily phone call and a daily meeting. I would leave work , drive across town, attend a meeting. I would get home and rush around. My sponsers were not understanding about my reluctance to give so much time to AA. I felt like a kid making excuses. Anyway, AA meetings all full of people who devote a lot of their time to them and those people stay sober. Bless their hearts.
...not falling down them
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,200
Obviously I don't know all the ins and outs of the situation, or your roommate.
Based on what you have shared here though, I say no, I would not be able to tolerate that situation. You're being set up to fail every day. That can't be good. I would start looking for a new place and focus on my recovery without that daily pressure/control issue happening.
Or, if you do want to go to meetings, go to different meetings than her mostly then together maybe once a week. If my RAH and I went to the same meetings together all the time it would be suffocating.
Based on what you have shared here though, I say no, I would not be able to tolerate that situation. You're being set up to fail every day. That can't be good. I would start looking for a new place and focus on my recovery without that daily pressure/control issue happening.
Or, if you do want to go to meetings, go to different meetings than her mostly then together maybe once a week. If my RAH and I went to the same meetings together all the time it would be suffocating.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 20
Originally Posted by Fandy
I don't think it was fair of you to become this person's roommate and NOT disclose to her that you have a severe problem with alcohol.
She's a great "motivator" for you? it sounds like you are using her but you still want your terms. She says it makes her uncomfortable and she is instilling her program to you...Did you even think that your drinking might be a trigger for her?
I'm glad that you are trying to quit and i DO NOT practice AA.
But this woman's home is her safe haven. You don't know how difficult it was for her to achieve and keep her own sobriety. If she is active in AA and makes it her life, maybe this is what she needs to do for herself. it's not your place to judge her either.
I'm not saying that you cannot practice your own way to sobriety, but you should do it without stepping on her lifestyle. I think that it was wrong for you to not share this information with her before she allowed you to be her roommate.
If it is HER house, you should move out for now. This way you can remain friends and not use her. If you wanted to ask for her help outside the living situation how would you feel about her suggestions?
Like I said, i think it might be threatening for her to have you around, newly sober with a different lifestyle and perhaps prone to relapse.
She's a great "motivator" for you? it sounds like you are using her but you still want your terms. She says it makes her uncomfortable and she is instilling her program to you...Did you even think that your drinking might be a trigger for her?
I'm glad that you are trying to quit and i DO NOT practice AA.
But this woman's home is her safe haven. You don't know how difficult it was for her to achieve and keep her own sobriety. If she is active in AA and makes it her life, maybe this is what she needs to do for herself. it's not your place to judge her either.
I'm not saying that you cannot practice your own way to sobriety, but you should do it without stepping on her lifestyle. I think that it was wrong for you to not share this information with her before she allowed you to be her roommate.
If it is HER house, you should move out for now. This way you can remain friends and not use her. If you wanted to ask for her help outside the living situation how would you feel about her suggestions?
Like I said, i think it might be threatening for her to have you around, newly sober with a different lifestyle and perhaps prone to relapse.
She doesn't want, however, an active alcoholic in her house, as it feels unsafe for her. Understandable. I moved in knowing that I was nearing the end of my run with booze (again) and I felt she would be a good influence in my life. So far, so good. I would not characterize accepting her offers for help to be "using" her.
If I relapse and become a problem to her, she's more than welcome to ask me to leave, and I would understand if she did. I would not put myself in this living situation unless I was ready to quit...for good. I'm getting sober for me, but I'm also putting myself in a situation where me staying sober matters to someone else, too.
Every Mother's Worst Nightmare
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Deep in the heart of LaLa land
Posts: 688
Originally Posted by StarlessNight
If I relapse and become a problem to her, she's more than welcome to ask me to leave, and I would understand if she did.
I'd do the decent thing and move out.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
I also think moving out would be your answer. It's not fair on her having another alocholic as a room-mate.If she knew this before you moved in she would prob not have let the room to you. Maybe she just wants you to go to meetings as she is terrified you will drink again. this situation is not good for either of you. I agree being forced into meetings every day isn't good for you but the situation isn't good for her either so I understand why she is doing it.I think moving out is the best option for you both
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