choublak

How many of you, before you really knew what was going on, tried to "punish" the A in your lives? I did. A lot. I still feel guilty about that.

stella27

I was about to 'fess up, but I don't think I ever did.
What I am guilty of is taking some pleasure when the natural consequences kick in and not being willing to unravel his messes for him.

AXH still thinks that I am responsible for everything that doesn't go his way, though.

choublak

Mine was a binge drinker, so he didn't fit my (or his own) idea of "an alcoholic" (i.e., someone who drinks/is drunk all day every day). So my thinking was like, "okay, you're not an alcoholic, so quit acting like one sometimes" to which he of course thought I was exaggerating. But yeah, I would do stuff like call him out on it in public, or like when we were around other friends. I didn't know any better.

stella27

I did suffer under the delusion that if I could just EXPLAIN what the problem was, that he would see that I was right and address it and shape up!

I still think that sometimes, but I have been cured of telling him about it. Or talking to him at all.

My favorite racehorse name in the derby was "Done Talkin'." Because I am done talkin'.

skella99

I think I still do. Though, to be honest, before I knew what was really going on, I thought my AD was mentally ill and tried to go that route. So after all these years, she can no longer hide her alcoholism and I feel duped. I feel lied to and mistreated, so I have a lot of anger and resentment about it.

choublak

Well, after I told him I didn't like to be around him drunk, he started hiding it. He would drink in secret and then lie about being drunk. One time, he and I went out to a comedy show and then to dinner with three of our friends. At the comedy show, everyone was allowed two free drinks so we each had those. My RABF had been pre-gaming by himself before we went out, unbeknownst to me. So after the comedy show, we were trying to find a restaurant, and RABF was being all loud, acting like a drunk person (which he was at the time). We went into this one restaurant where we had to wait a few minutes before being seated, and RABF went to use the bathroom. While he was in the bathroom, one of our friends asked me "was he pre-gaming?" and I said no. But as soon as I'd said that, I felt really stupid. Stupid, and embarrassed. So, he gets back from the bathroom, we all go sit down, and RABF pulled out my chair for me. One of our friends (the same friend who asked me if RABF had been pre-gaming) said to him jokingly, "hey Romeo, you're making the rest of us look bad," and I responded, "don't worry about looking bad, because he's an alcoholic". And then everybody was all like "ooh, BURN!" and RABF didn't talk to me for the rest of the evening. Yes, I used the term "alcoholic" as an insult because I didn't know any better and I thought that if I called him an alcoholic then he'd quit acting like one. Kind of like how sometimes when people are called names they sometimes stop acting like what they are called.

LexieCat

When we know better, we DO better.

skella99

I have done this to my daughter. More recently because she has had SOOO many drunken episodes. and Ive done it for the same reasons. I DONT want her to end up the drunk sleeping in the park or wandering the streets.

For me, its just an act of desperation. WHat else can we do? what else can we say? Nothing. I think.

firebolt

ya
<---WAS queen of the 3 day silent treatment
Getting better every day.