Panache

Dear all,

Let me start by introducing myself. I am a 25 year old female currently residing in England. I have been a heavy drinker since 2006, but in the past 3 years this has escalated to the point where I can’t go a day without 1 bottle of wine and on most occasions I drink 2 bottles. I have somehow managed to maintain a stressful job, which only adds to the problem as I come home from work and my “prize” for surviving another day is a bottle of wine (and then some). Basically in a nut shell, alcohol has robbed me of the last 7 years of my life and ruined countless relationships.

In the past 3 years I have only managed to do 2 consecutive days sober, then the anxiety takes over and I feel I ‘need’ a drink just to calm my head – even though I know, come the following morning, the desired effects will be the opposite.

I thought I’d join sober recovery as a way of talking to people who are in a similar situation and also for support. Part of me is excited to join a forum where I can talk about a subject I know A LOT about haha.

This will be my first day of sobriety (again) and (as a previous post mentioned) it’s just dawned on me that ‘hopefully’ I will never have another drink again.

Thank you for taking the time in reading this and I look forward to chatting to you all.

Panache

Rennet

Hi Panache,

I'm in a similar situation, 26 and have been drinking heavily for 8-9 years. My drinking was always very consistent and I remained functional but in the past few years has started to spiral out of control. Like you I could only manage the rare 1-3 day stint maybe once or twice per year.

More recently I've pulled off a couple of 10 day periods, within the last 6 months.

I'm only on day 2 now but the reason I'm talking so much about myself is that I feel recovery takes practice. I am getting better at it. Each time I try I get better at it. I also get less afraid to try because I know those first day jitters will pass. The world will not end if I don't get drunk that first night.

One reason I think I'm getting better at it is after getting to days 7, 8, 9, 10.. I do see how it gets a bit easier. I can only imagine a month, or six, or a year. The important thing to remember is those first day jitters you have are because of the drinking. I take a lot of inspiration from the longer term milestones I see posted here

Anyway welcome I've found this place to be a great resource

Panache

Hi Rennet,

I know exactly what you mean about the first day Jitters, I call it the "Grinner", that devil on my back telling me to have a drink as it will make it go away, when really it does the exact opposite. It's mad how well I feel after only 2 days, only to go and ruin it again by drinking 2 bottles of wine - again, I feel I've earned it because I've had 2 days abstinence.

I think part of it is the way it effects sleep. I'm a terrible sleeper as it is, so would often use alcohol to "aid" sleep (obviously making it worse). But when I have sober days I can't sleep at all, I'm very restless and agitated - hopefully this is something which will improve the longer I stay off alcohol.

Rennet

I'm exactly the same way. I just accept it, and sometimes just don't get to sleep when starting out. Maybe start out on the weekend so you can just accept the insomnia. I find that helps with the cravings because you're not just sitting there in the dark for hours. I'll read a book, do work, whatever, if my mind is racing and I know I won't sleep. I've cheated with Tylenol PM before but I'm sure that is frowned upon.

I think what I mean by 'it gets better,' at least from what I see, is when I had not stopped in a year or more, it was terrifying to take a night off. Now I'm pretty calm about it and know how to prepare myself, I shop for foods I know I'll want, things to help with blood sugar (fruits), vitamins, etc. Like if I had the flu and was out buying chicken noodle soup.

But from what I can tell from others is that it does get much better. The alcohol is what is causing all the anxiety, jitters, insomnia once that is removed your body heals. Like I said helps to read people who have been sober a long time talk about this

Panache

I think I'm still in the "terrifying to take a night off" stage. It's so hard to do it and I become so agitated. I managed 2 days last week sober, so hopefully I can capitalise on this.

The sleep situation is dire and that's before I have to fight off the cravings...but staying positive. Like you say reading some of the posts from people with long term sobriety are a great inspiration right now

shauninspain

I was always advised to eat plenty of sweetfoods when first off the drink. Apparently out bodies will also crave the sugar, and this additional craving can be enough to tip us over the edge. Each bottle ofwine you drinkwill have a lot of sugar, somake sure to replace it. Also, buy some good multi vitamans. Replace all the Vit B that has been destroyed. When getting a craving come directly to your computer, log on to SR, and post how you are feeling in the newcomers section. Do it all day if necessary. The craving will pass, and then the next and the next etc etc.

You can do this!!

Panache

Thank you so much ShauninSpain, I'll be sure to do that.

Just signing up to the site and posting my first post had made me feel slightly better about things and reading through posts has shown me, it is achievable but it's not going to be a walk in the park by any means.

Dee74

Welcome Panache

that first step always looks and feels like a doozy, but I think the anticipatory fear is much much greater than the step itself.

you're not alone here - glad you've joined us

D

CaiHong

Hi Panache and welcome.

great that you have found this forum. Inhave been using both this forum and the 12 step program to stay sober coming up to 2 years now.

It does get easier with time. Yesterday I got very agitated and anxious for no apparent reason, I stopped and breathed deeply and thought,in my drinking past I would have definitely got something to drink to calm me down. I am so grateful that today I don't have the need to drink when these feelings come over me.

These are feelings, they come and go. The important thing is not to drink.

it's wonderful that you are young and have seen where the drink is taking you and have decided to do something about it.

CaiHong

Panache

I'm thinking of attending my first AA meeting this week. But obviously nervous about it! But I think I can just turn up and listen as it is an open meeting, if I can just turn up it just give me that extra bit of support I need to stay sober.

least

Your sleep patterns are disrupted due to drinking. It will take a while to get used to sleeping normally but it will happen. The longer you are sober, the better you'll feel and your sleep will get back to normal.