Lily1918

why? what have I to complain about? why do I want to lay in bed and stare at the wall? It makes no sense. I have a dear friend who has chosen recovery. He could walk out those doors and leave anytime he wants and yet chooses to stay. I have two beautiful children who love me and look up to me. I have a small group of friends who love me and accept me. why then am I sad? I have no reason to be. I have been given everything I have prayed for, and yet something is missing. There is still a hole in my heart. I asked for "D's" choice of sobriety. given. I asked for help for my son. given. I asked for a car. given. why then am I still struggling? what am I missing? I just don't understand the source of this depression. I feel like if I could find the source I could eradicate it...

Katiekate

((((Lily)))))


Sounds like something you might want to explore with a counselor.

Kindeyes

awww Lily.....you are one of my favorites around here. You have so much ESH to share and seem to be such a really dear person. I'm sorry that you're so sad. If I could, I'd invite you to go on a lovely walk to get some fresh air and enjoy the gentle rain (it rains here a lot) and then inside for a nice cup of tea and good chat.

It's ok to be sad sometimes........I just hope you don't stay there too long.

gentlest of hugs to you today
ke

zoso77

Do you have a history of being depressed?

wicked

Lily1918,

I am a recovering alcoholic codependent with a major depressive disorder.
If this bad feeling continues for more than two weeks, you might want to see a doctor, a psychiatrist just to be sure the source is not organic.

Sometimes sadness is just that. Like right now, I think this winter will never end.

I feel like this, annoyed..........

Instead of this, sad................

I hope you find the way out of the depression and apathy soon. I understand both.
With hugs,
Beth

bluebelle

I agree that you might want to talk to someone if this continues. I got some help from The Feeling Good Handbook. It usually helps me to go through the things I'm thankful for. Moderate exercise also helps--short walk, some stretching. Those kinds of things help me, plus I get medical help for depression. It all really helps me. Take care.

janiebluebird

Is there anything you can pinpoint that may be bringing down your mood?

Try checking out some books on positive psychology. As said, exercising has very promising side effects - even if you have to make yourself go out for a 15 minute walk a few times this week, it may start to grow on ya. Listen to upbeat/positive music (nothing depressing!) or a podcast.

AnvilheadII

it could be that now that the crisis is past and you are in a relatively SAFE space, you can finally drop your guard and FEEL all the stuff you've had bottled up.

if you need a day in pj's camped on the couch, eating Cheetos dunked in ranch dip then DO IT. start to listen to your body....it has been waiting for you to come back!

Lily1918

Ya know I think you hit the nail on the head anvil. I have no adreneline, no crisis. I think Im just bored! Bwahaha talk about a codependent huh? Thanks everyone for your replies.

Lily1918

Maybe a day at the amusement park with the kids would help. Riding rollercoasters always gets the blood flowing

LoveMeNow

Cynical One had a great post about the brain chemistry of living with an addict. Basically it said our brains are used to making more adrenalin because of the stress. When we remove our stress, we undergo many physical and chemical changes. Sounds to me like your brain is starting to heal and make the adjustments needed.

If we only knew then what we know.

Vale

.....feel that Winter wll never end,huh!?

(it ended at 4:02 AM PDT.........warmer/better days coming FAST!)

Keep looking up,Lily.

pianogirl1193

I do struggle with clinical depression so I know where you are coming from! Maybe it is because things are calm for once and you are "bored" but if it does continue for too long, i would suggest as others said to consider seeing a psychiatrist! Otherwise, exercise is great...getting outside to get some sunlight... being around people...doing things you like to do...journaling...shopping ... just some suggestions! Hope you start feeling better. Don't be so hard on yourself... yes, some great things have happened, and that is awesome, but it is still okay for you to be sad! Feelings are feelings..they just are. They are acceptable and important. Try not to judge or minimalize them! Accept that they are there, cope with them, and move on.

Lily1918

well so much for a frown face.... I live in Arizona.... I've never experienced a "real" winter. although I love the metaphor because it made me giggle. I didn't see snow until I was a teenager. bwahahaha! we have two seasons in the desert. warm and hot. I've baked cookies in a car and made eggs on the blacktop. I can't even imagine a world without flowers and grass and sunshine all year long :l just baffles me. ever seen "the king and I" THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS SNOW! >=[ isn't that what the pink cloud feels like after all? lol dying laughing. thanks vale, you accidentally gave me ammo against the pink cloud that years its beautiful head every now and again.

oh and I had my counseling today. jealousy. really? jealousy? I should have known. My friends all have husbands who come home every night and keep thier beds warm and food on the table for them. they have normal kids and could never imagine how I cope with ds disability, and nice pretty little houses with white picket fences and nice office jobs while Im here slangin coffee and water at the diner to pay rent on my dinky apartment cuz I dug my head in the sand for so long I let BF pay the bills instead of learning how to take care of myself. addict or not, there was food on the table and rent was paid when he was here. anyway, the grass is always greener cuz its fertilized with bull**** hmmm.... there's gotta be something. Thier lives can't be that perfect. There's just no way.

Im grateful for what I do have, but man oh man am I jealous of the beaver cleaver lifestyle of my friends. and Im just so tired. tired of waiting tables. tired of running for nothing. oh a dollar... thanks... ugh... sorry, venting. courage to change the things I can right? the only way out I see is school.

Vale

Nobody's life is perfect,Lily.
Vent any time.
Just know your input (and your life)
....is important.

(I hope your test results are good!)
Vale

tjp613

I saw an interesting documentary on Netflix called "Happy" which studied and talked about what makes people happy. They found that once the basic needs of food, shelter and clothing are taken care of that people are not "happier" just because they have more money. They found that what really makes people happy are these important things: a sense of gratitude for what you have, regular contact with good friends, physical activity, a spiritual practice of any kind, and service to the community.

Interestingly, the guy who inspired the film was a rich Hollywood producer, living a lavish lifestyle yet he was unhappy and unfulfilled. He wanted to explore what makes people happy and this film is the result. It's quite good. If you have Netflix, I highly recommend it.

hopeful21

Does anyone know if this post is still available? I think I need to read it too!

Lily1918

I Googled it. there's all kinds of information on it.

Lily1918

will do. most assuredly