blueholly

So today I turned the big 4-0-! I just posted last week that my AS was doing so well. Clean ect... Well yesterday I got a phone call that he was thrown in jail. Drunk all weekend and out of control. Beat the crap out of his wife. (something I won't stand for cuz his dad did the same to me, although now he regrets it) So after speaking numerous times my exh (his dad) tells me that he really hasn't been clean at all. He just calls me and says "Mom , things are great" I have no reason to believe otherwise. I rarely see him, as he lives 8 hrs away.
So after I am late for work yesterday, talking to the Ex and son that is in jail. My AH finally wakes up in a haze to ask me what is wrong. (meth crash) I tell him nothing and leave for work, without speaking any further to him...

I was somewhat beside myself all day. My life has become way more out of control than I could imagine... I always had this image in my mind of how good life was going to be when I was fourty. A new house, summers at the lake. Laughing while we ski behind our new boat this was long before I knew of my AH "problem" 2 years ago when I was buying house plans. We were talking about selling the business and retiring early.

Now not only do I have an AH (and the business is in a hole) Now my son has slid his way into his own darkness... again... I'm on the phone all day and night with his father and my dad... "where are we going to get this kind of money?" (his bail is HIGH.. to say the least) what are we going to do, what are we going to do... And how do I deal with this when I am living with an addict. (although I am getting out I dont feel like I am in a position to be giving advice..) And he is no help. In his own little meth world.

So after my sis calls to say in her smartest as* voice she can... "well, happy birthday tomorrow." *smirking* ( we are smart ass*s to each other, what can I say..)
My exh calls and says to me... "we don't HAVE to bail him out" And for ONCE in his life he was right.... so I said, before i drifted off to sleep "God you take over..I can't hang any more.." And, when I woke up this morning I thought, (excuse me) F*** you people! ( I don't think God put that exact word in my head... )

I am 40 years old today!! I DON'T HAVE to bail out my kid... again! I don't have to take all these phone calls and, worry about what we are going to do! I DON'T HAVE to call my AH who didn't come home last night!! And I sure the h*ll don't have to go to dinner with my AH when I really don't want to!! Because today is MY BIRTHDAY!! And I will do what I damn well please!! Even if it's just for today ....

So today I let go....Of EVERYTHING.. even if only for a day, I know it will be the first of many...

Thanks for letting me rant! And I am sorry for the potty mouth..
P.s. I'm going to get my nails done

Justfor1

Good for you. His high bail amount could be because of previous "run ins" with the law. It's his problem & consequences.

Freyja

Happy birthday!!! Enjoy your day and focus on you!!! :-)

blueholly

Thanks guys!

wicked

Sounds like a great plan for you, and that is what it is all about!
Have a fantastic day!

julez

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

And hell no you don't have to do anything you don't want to do today

I'm very sorry to hear about your son. Have you spoken to his wife? Is she ok? What stands out the most to me was that your ex said he never was clean. That makes me sad for you. How disappoined you must feel...

I really hope you can enjoy today, and do whatever it is that makes you happy!!
xoxo

Ilovemysonjj

Happy Fortieth! I agree you dont HAVE to nor SHOULD you bail him out.
Enjoy your day and YOUR TIME
Hugs
Teresa

blueholly

I have spoken to her. We have a pretty good relationship so she feels like she can call me. They put a 90 day protection order on her (the cops, I think this is best) They need some time apart. She is super codie. So I think the time apart is good for them. Yes she is ok. She left her town to come where I live to her mothers. So I at least get to see my grandbabys