choublak

Some active A's will come and bother people, asking the same question over and over again, trying to get others to engage in conversation when under the influence. Why? Is it because they are less inhibited under the influence? Or what?

skella99

Are you talking about a specific person or just in general? I think I have seen this and from what I recall, its from someone who is so drunk out of their mind that they dont even know what they are saying or doing.
They actually scare me when they do it because then I think they are going to flip a switch and start getting angry and violent. Which I have seen often enough.

choublak

When my RABF was still active he would get drunk and cook something, and then keep coming over to me, asking me if I want a piece, five, ten, fifteen times, even after I'd said "no thank you". Not violent, just annoying.

Reedling

Yeah, one of my qualifiers does this then escalates to belligerence if his insane questioning is not indulged. I have learned to leave at first sign of this particular behavior.

It still bothers me when people try to talk him through it, not realizing there is nobody home-- if they'd disengage and not feed the troll, maybe he would just wander off and watch tv or go to BED. Ugh, it's a family disease and we all have it.

keepingmyjoy1

Interesting question. My AH would get drunk and retell the same exact stories using the same exact words...over and over and over. OMG and he would really believe that he never told it 5 minutes before and actually get mad if I were to nicely say, "yeah, I know you just told me that 10 times already!".

I have no idea why they do that...I always used to think it was like a record with a scratch on it, the needle gets stuck every time you play it and keeps playing the same note...that is how their brains are after years of alcohol abuse.....

redatlanta

I have one friend who when she drinks becomes like a skipping record. She starts telling a story, never gets to the end, and starts back at the beginning telling the same thing over and over with no conclusion. She is definitely an A - we don't hang out anymore though she is a close friend I can't stand listening to her when she is drunk.

Redvelvetcake59

Well my brothers birthday is Feb 21st and mine is Feb 22nd. He called me on my birthday and although he had never spoken to me in this manner in 49 years, he cursed me out, called me names and threw the phone down and kept cursing. He was angry at the entire family because he left a backpack at his friends house where he attended a party and his drugs were in there and he had to get that bag. He wanted me to get up although I had the flu, but even if I did not have it, I never would have done this and he knew it, yet he screamed and demanded that I do something about getting him his drugs and bag.

I love my brother, but there was no way that I would have done this. I guess the drugs and alcohol made him think he had some imaginary courage and he called thinking this would convince me. I really felt bad for him, but I am the only person in the family that will not move or budge on anything involving alcohol, drugs and cigarettes. I know some of you probably wonder why I added cigarettes but if you think about it....that is an addiction and a nasty one I might add and I put it right up there with the rest of the addictions.

skella99

When my AD is like this, I just tell her the same thing over and over, "I will not talk to you while you are drunk or drinking, we can talk when you are sober."

It makes me sound like a broken record too, but it is more to remind me that there is no point in engaging in any conversation with her while she is under the influence.

Redvelvetcake59

[QUOTE=skella99;3869698]When my AD is like this, I just tell her the same thing over and over, "I will not talk to you while you are drunk or drinking, we can talk when you are sober."

It makes me sound like a broken record too, but it is more to remind me that there is no point in engaging in any conversation with her while she is under the influence.


This is just how I sound when I say this. I thought it was just me, but glad to hear there are others who follow this rule as well. One day, the person will listen hopefully after they are unable to get you to talk to them.

choublak

When I did that with RABF, he would deny being drunk.

dandylion

Dear Chpublak, it is not necessary to get the other person's agreement. Just do what you need to do for YOU. This is for your own relief.

dandylion

Justfor1

choublak, I think the most important thing to remember when talking to someone intoxicated is that they could be dangerous. This is especially true if they have previous incidents of violence.

Reedling

What justfor1 said.

I think it's really important with my violent qualifier NOT to tell him he's drunk and I won't talk to him, because that is the attention he is looking for and an excuse for him to escalate. I withdraw without saying anything, no meaningful or reproachful looks, nothing. I just disengage and leave.

This is how I have learned not to get drawn into conflicts that the A won't even remember the next day but are extremely hurtful to me and even dangerous.