Wanted to Share...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 8
Wanted to Share...
Hey All!
Just wanted to share this post from my blog that I wrote this weekend.
Hope everyone is well! I'm officially 1 week sober
Hanging in there.
s
I dated a woman for nearly 7 years who was sober. Actually, her whole family was sober and I never really understood it. The 12 Steps seemed shrouded in religiosity, something which really turned me off. Interestingly enough, this family also had a spiritual teacher/community in India that they visited regularly. Because of my anxiety issues, I never made it to India with their family – but it’s still on my Bucket List. Spirituality does not turn me off. Actually, spirituality is and has been, since I was a little tyke, something I willingly grapple with. My issue is always the intersection of science on the idea of Faith.
When I decided to quit drinking, I knew I’d need support. More than the support of my girlfriend (and Oh! how she supports me, this amazing woman). I’d need this support because I’m a high functioning alcoholic (I can’t believe I just typed that) and so many – SO MANY – people will respond to my saying I quit with, “You aren’t even an alcoholic!” Especially in New Orleans where, well, drinking is a huge part of the culture. I knew I’d have to come up with an automatic, rote response since every time someone will question my choice to quit, I, myself, will wonder, “Maybe I don’t need to quit…I mean, I just drink wine at night…” That’s how it works. And I like to cut that little voice off before it even starts. So when people ask me why I quit drinking I now say, “OMG, I was a raging drunk. I hit bottom. I nearly lost my dogs one day when I was drunk!” That shuts them up.
Fact: I’m not a raging alcoholic. Never hit bottom. Never lost anything because of booze. Well, people. I did lose things, but that’s a story for another day. Bottom line, I was called to stop drinking. Does that even make sense? Probably not which bring us back to my ex and her sober family.
What came first, my desire to quit drinking or my desire to be back on a spiritual path. I don’t know. Yet. I don’t think it matters. Actually.
But here’s the thing. I went to my first ever AA meeting this week. I got my chip for being 24 hours sober, which felt silly to me since being sober for 24 hours isn’t really hard. For me. I sat and listening as the group discussed making amends. I skimmed the literature and I wondered if it’s truly possible to be present there if I don’t have the same beliefs about God. And then I realized, that, right there, that wondering is enough to begin.
What I’m realizing is that the Steps are not rules. The Steps are for Working On. I liken it to a young scholar and discussing the Talmud with a Rabbi (something that I’ve always loved about Judaism), it’s about the Questions that come up. Getting sober is as individual as the disease. No person’s story and all the elements that made them an addict are the same. No person’s recovery is either. And it’s never one way, one path. It’s many, many cul-de-sacs on the way. You keep coming back to the Step with questions, concerns, resentment, tears, struggle … until eventually, you make peace with the message and it becomes yours, you OWN the Step. And then you move on.
My challenge that I bring to the Steps is the language (and I realize I’m not alone in this struggle). And this girl can debate. I also feel very strongly that it takes more than just The Steps to stay sober. To me, working the Steps opens the door to limitless possibility for growth – spiritual, emotional, and intellectual. They are just the beginning.
I used to tell my ex and her family they all sounded like they belonged to a cult when they talked about AA. And it does sound like dogma at times, no doubt. But so does everything. I read a LOT of blogs, and something I feel like I’m reading the Cult of Obsessive Parenting or the Cult of Excessive Minimalizing. We are all on a Path and our level of commitment and belief and need brings that Path to life. And for some of us (bloggers, writers, artists) bring it into the spotlight. The sharing of a Path by a person who is breathing it to life can seem dogmatic or simply opinionated.
The separation of cult and path is, to me, the grace. It is in the Questioning and the receiving/accepting the Answers.
thanks
Just wanted to share this post from my blog that I wrote this weekend.
Hope everyone is well! I'm officially 1 week sober
Hanging in there. s
I dated a woman for nearly 7 years who was sober. Actually, her whole family was sober and I never really understood it. The 12 Steps seemed shrouded in religiosity, something which really turned me off. Interestingly enough, this family also had a spiritual teacher/community in India that they visited regularly. Because of my anxiety issues, I never made it to India with their family – but it’s still on my Bucket List. Spirituality does not turn me off. Actually, spirituality is and has been, since I was a little tyke, something I willingly grapple with. My issue is always the intersection of science on the idea of Faith.
When I decided to quit drinking, I knew I’d need support. More than the support of my girlfriend (and Oh! how she supports me, this amazing woman). I’d need this support because I’m a high functioning alcoholic (I can’t believe I just typed that) and so many – SO MANY – people will respond to my saying I quit with, “You aren’t even an alcoholic!” Especially in New Orleans where, well, drinking is a huge part of the culture. I knew I’d have to come up with an automatic, rote response since every time someone will question my choice to quit, I, myself, will wonder, “Maybe I don’t need to quit…I mean, I just drink wine at night…” That’s how it works. And I like to cut that little voice off before it even starts. So when people ask me why I quit drinking I now say, “OMG, I was a raging drunk. I hit bottom. I nearly lost my dogs one day when I was drunk!” That shuts them up.
Fact: I’m not a raging alcoholic. Never hit bottom. Never lost anything because of booze. Well, people. I did lose things, but that’s a story for another day. Bottom line, I was called to stop drinking. Does that even make sense? Probably not which bring us back to my ex and her sober family.
What came first, my desire to quit drinking or my desire to be back on a spiritual path. I don’t know. Yet. I don’t think it matters. Actually.
But here’s the thing. I went to my first ever AA meeting this week. I got my chip for being 24 hours sober, which felt silly to me since being sober for 24 hours isn’t really hard. For me. I sat and listening as the group discussed making amends. I skimmed the literature and I wondered if it’s truly possible to be present there if I don’t have the same beliefs about God. And then I realized, that, right there, that wondering is enough to begin.
What I’m realizing is that the Steps are not rules. The Steps are for Working On. I liken it to a young scholar and discussing the Talmud with a Rabbi (something that I’ve always loved about Judaism), it’s about the Questions that come up. Getting sober is as individual as the disease. No person’s story and all the elements that made them an addict are the same. No person’s recovery is either. And it’s never one way, one path. It’s many, many cul-de-sacs on the way. You keep coming back to the Step with questions, concerns, resentment, tears, struggle … until eventually, you make peace with the message and it becomes yours, you OWN the Step. And then you move on.
My challenge that I bring to the Steps is the language (and I realize I’m not alone in this struggle). And this girl can debate. I also feel very strongly that it takes more than just The Steps to stay sober. To me, working the Steps opens the door to limitless possibility for growth – spiritual, emotional, and intellectual. They are just the beginning.
I used to tell my ex and her family they all sounded like they belonged to a cult when they talked about AA. And it does sound like dogma at times, no doubt. But so does everything. I read a LOT of blogs, and something I feel like I’m reading the Cult of Obsessive Parenting or the Cult of Excessive Minimalizing. We are all on a Path and our level of commitment and belief and need brings that Path to life. And for some of us (bloggers, writers, artists) bring it into the spotlight. The sharing of a Path by a person who is breathing it to life can seem dogmatic or simply opinionated.
The separation of cult and path is, to me, the grace. It is in the Questioning and the receiving/accepting the Answers.
thanks
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
