shortayp18

me and my aef saw each other for probably 4 days within like a week and a half and we talked one day about everything. I got so overwhelmed on the 4th day b/c we were having sex and then i felt sad bc i dont think he will stop drinking. well i ignored him all day yesterday and he was mad then he sent me a text this morning saying...

"Why would you keep coming over and out of no where decide you dont want to talk anymore, you are being very selfish and hurting me plus yourslef so again what is your excuse for all of this? or a possible explanation of what your trying to start or create?"

I was confused by what he was saying....so i said back..

"the reason we are not togehter is bc you choose to not get help for your addiction,i thought you were going to do something about it when u said baby steps but i realized you didnt.. I cant live my life with you lying , hiding, and "trying" to beat a addiction that you cant beat on your own .YOur not willing to be a better person for your self and be a better person for me and our future family."

and he said back " You should accept me for me!! I shouldnt have to change for you. To be with you! "

in the minds of alcoholics why is he saying that and what does that mean???

tjp613

I think he is saying, "I am not ready to quit drinking. I have no desire to quit drinking. Either accept me the way I am today, warts and all, or choose someone else."

AnvilheadII

he has told you on more than ONE occasion either accept him EXACTLY as he is or no deal. he doesn't WANT to change, not right now, not because you say he should. i too really don't understand going over to his place, having sex with him (he is your EX right?) and then pulling the silent treatment??? that's some serious game playin' there.....

Hanna

First - if something it important, it needs to be discussed in person or in a letter. Text messaging is meant for
"I'll see you at 8."
"Running Late"
"Please pick up bread at the store"

Not for serious relationship discussion. Too much room for misunderstanding and mis-communication.

If he previously indicated that he was not going to stop drinking, having sex with him implies you are okay with having a serious relationship with him without changes. It isn't fair to him or healthy for you.

Be honest and fair. Tell him that you realize you cannot expect him to change for you, but that you will are not willing to be in a relationship with someone you believe to be an active alcoholic. That you do love him but that you want a family and do not believe you can have a healthy future together. It's not a judgement of him, but a firm boundary of what is acceptable in your life and ultimately, a difference in goals and values.

shortayp18

i didnt go over with the intentions of having sex. i gave in one night and texted him and he was begging me to come over bc he had some thigns he wanted to talk about and i told him how i felt and was crying and then he started crying and pretty much nothing got resolved but he said he wanted to take baby steps and see how things went. so he made me think that he was going to do something about his problem but in allreality he had no intentions he just wanted to keep me around and make me accept his addiction. he told me that he didnt want me to talk to any other guys or anything and he wouldnt talk to girls. He manipulated into having sex with him...yes i shouldnt have done it but it was hard bc i havent seen him in 2 months. I think he thought that i would accept his drinking and think its all okay which i dont. Specially bc of all the incidents in the past that have happened bc of drinking..its not just acceptable.