New here - hoping for some advice and support
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 3
New here - hoping for some advice and support
Hi,
I just posted in the newcomer section but not sure that was where I was meant to be.
I'm the girlfriend of a partner who has been using methamphetamine on and off for over 9 years. We've been together over 1 year now and I discovered 6 weeks ago that he's been using again, he's also been distributing to cover some financial difficulties which I think worsened his using. It's been a great shock to my system and I've not handled it well. He fought for weeks that it was just recreational use but the last three weeks that has proven to be false. He got to the stage where he told me 'my reactions to the situation were causing some of his binges.' Pretty hard to hear.
This week is the week he agreed to clean up. We put together a plan where he was to go sober for a few months to prove he has control of the situation, but I fear if he can even make the three months that after that disaster will strike once more.
At this point things are at their worst. I wonder if offering my constant help and support I'm making it worse and he's attitude towards me, his family, his son and his friends is disgusting. I'm surprised I'm still hanging around. But I guess I hope deep down, underneath all the drugs, the man I fell in love with is still there.
By coming here to chat I'm hoping for some support from people in similar situations, a place to vent, and some good advice.
Thanks for taking the time to read this post.
Blanca
I just posted in the newcomer section but not sure that was where I was meant to be.
I'm the girlfriend of a partner who has been using methamphetamine on and off for over 9 years. We've been together over 1 year now and I discovered 6 weeks ago that he's been using again, he's also been distributing to cover some financial difficulties which I think worsened his using. It's been a great shock to my system and I've not handled it well. He fought for weeks that it was just recreational use but the last three weeks that has proven to be false. He got to the stage where he told me 'my reactions to the situation were causing some of his binges.' Pretty hard to hear.
This week is the week he agreed to clean up. We put together a plan where he was to go sober for a few months to prove he has control of the situation, but I fear if he can even make the three months that after that disaster will strike once more.
At this point things are at their worst. I wonder if offering my constant help and support I'm making it worse and he's attitude towards me, his family, his son and his friends is disgusting. I'm surprised I'm still hanging around. But I guess I hope deep down, underneath all the drugs, the man I fell in love with is still there.
By coming here to chat I'm hoping for some support from people in similar situations, a place to vent, and some good advice.
Thanks for taking the time to read this post.
Blanca
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Welcome to SR.
Meth is a particularly destructive drug and I pray that your partner can beat this addiction once and for all.
Sometimes it takes a long time to quit for good, some make it first try and some never do. There are many here at SR who are living proof that it can be beaten, and I hope your partner becomes one of them.
Take a read around, especially the sticky posts at the top where you will find a lot of helpful information.
Again, I am glad you joined us and hope you find some comfort and support here.
Hugs
Meth is a particularly destructive drug and I pray that your partner can beat this addiction once and for all.
Sometimes it takes a long time to quit for good, some make it first try and some never do. There are many here at SR who are living proof that it can be beaten, and I hope your partner becomes one of them.
Take a read around, especially the sticky posts at the top where you will find a lot of helpful information.
Again, I am glad you joined us and hope you find some comfort and support here.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Welcome to SR Blanca.....although I'm sorry for the reason that brings you here.
My son is a meth addict.....currently in recovery.
His addiction took over my life. I found myself doing things that were....well....crazy. And eventually my life was spinning so far out of control that I sought help for myself and I found it in Nar-Anon and Al-Anon. It worked for me. Others have found help through other sources such as individual counseling. At some point someone told me that if I really want my son to get clean, to work the program I wished he would work. So I did that with all of my energy. It didn't get him clean, but I regained my life and my sanity. I was able to maintain serenity whether my son was using or not.
Although I do not take any credit for my son seeking sobriety, I believe that my healthier interaction with him as a direct result of my own work on me, helped him.
I hope you stick around. Read. Post. Keep an open mind. Ask questions. You and your ABF will be in my prayers.
gentle hugs
ke
My son is a meth addict.....currently in recovery.
His addiction took over my life. I found myself doing things that were....well....crazy. And eventually my life was spinning so far out of control that I sought help for myself and I found it in Nar-Anon and Al-Anon. It worked for me. Others have found help through other sources such as individual counseling. At some point someone told me that if I really want my son to get clean, to work the program I wished he would work. So I did that with all of my energy. It didn't get him clean, but I regained my life and my sanity. I was able to maintain serenity whether my son was using or not.
Although I do not take any credit for my son seeking sobriety, I believe that my healthier interaction with him as a direct result of my own work on me, helped him.
I hope you stick around. Read. Post. Keep an open mind. Ask questions. You and your ABF will be in my prayers.
gentle hugs
ke
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 951
Welcome to SR!
You are in the right place and just got one of the best greetings anyone could get above from 3 of the most amazing posters around here, Ann, Impurrfect and Kind Eyes.
As suggested above, reading as much as possible on the F&F forums will be really helpful to you.
Sorry for the problems that brought you here, but so glad you found the SR Forum.
Peace,
Hanna
You are in the right place and just got one of the best greetings anyone could get above from 3 of the most amazing posters around here, Ann, Impurrfect and Kind Eyes.
As suggested above, reading as much as possible on the F&F forums will be really helpful to you.
Sorry for the problems that brought you here, but so glad you found the SR Forum.
Peace,
Hanna
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Colorado
Posts: 577
Hi Blanca, I'm glad you found this site. My son is addicted to meth and I can totally relate to your concerns, fears and frustration. This site has been invaluable to me. I agree with kindeyes...I'm trying to work the program I wish he would work. Mostly so I have tools at my disposal when the craziness gets turned up a notch. As you know, it can happen at any moment. Al-anon has been a great resource as well. I've found so much clarity and can recognize manipulative behavior so much quicker now. I still have moments where I question the stance I'm taking with him (No-contact until he's ready for treatment)...but am really beginning to appreciate the serenity in my life and am much more careful now in giving it away. Be kind and patient with yourself...keep coming back. There are some really amazing women on this site who are so generous with their experience, strength and hope...I know you'll find some comfort here. Big hug to you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Colorado
Posts: 577
I'm sorry!! There are some amazing men on here too who are also willing to provide their insight and support too...didn't mean to leave you guys out! Forgive me....pffbbttt...sometimes my fingers type faster than my brain!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 3
Thanks to all of you for your welcome.
I will have a read of some of the former threads and see if there are some situations on here I can relate to.
My partner is, to the best of my knowledge, now three days clean, and I just received the 'I'm so sorry, I can't believe you're still in my life after how I've treated you, I miss you' what I feel is the obligatory text message or contact during a period of depression that follows the ceasing of using this particular substance.
I've simply acknowledged the contact and appreciated the thought but made it clear I'd heard these words before and action was what I needed to see.
The next week will be more telling. I have hope, but I'm also preparing for the worst.
Thank you again for the welcome, and taking the time to read my post.
Good luck to all of you and I look forward to chatting with you all more.
Blanca
I will have a read of some of the former threads and see if there are some situations on here I can relate to.
My partner is, to the best of my knowledge, now three days clean, and I just received the 'I'm so sorry, I can't believe you're still in my life after how I've treated you, I miss you' what I feel is the obligatory text message or contact during a period of depression that follows the ceasing of using this particular substance.
I've simply acknowledged the contact and appreciated the thought but made it clear I'd heard these words before and action was what I needed to see.
The next week will be more telling. I have hope, but I'm also preparing for the worst.
Thank you again for the welcome, and taking the time to read my post.
Good luck to all of you and I look forward to chatting with you all more.
Blanca
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