New To Admitting I have a problem
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 1
New To Admitting I have a problem
I've recently had an awakening. I realize that I am a binge drinker. I don't drink every day. In fact I've gone months at a time without having a drink. But I've seen the pattern building over the last couple of years and in particular the last few months, that when I do drink, it's potentially a complete disaster.
I drink to get drunk, and when I'm not drinking to get smashed, I drink to deal with life.
I drink like I'm gonna win a prize at the end of each bottle.
I also drink til I can't drink no more, blackouts, and hangovers, and thanks to a combination of a 54 pounds weight loss, brown liquor and a compulsive drinking problem, I won an all expenses trip to the slammer for public intoxication. I don't remember getting there. All I remember was being at a friends house one minute about to leave for home, and then next standing in an isolation cell at a police station wondering wtf happened. Then I realized what happened. I drank so much that I was arrested.
I left jail with the confidence of a potato and the realization that I can't do this anymore. I raced home to get to my new job, and then couldn't make it past 5 hours, i was so hung over. I'm praying that no one realized why I was sick and that it will be okay when I go in on Monday. I'm sneaky. I plan to lie and tell them it was food poising. That's awful, but I don't want to lose this job.
A little more about me. I'm 27, live at home with my alcoholic mother, I can't afford to move out. I finally just got a steady job. I feel like the floor has been ripped out from under me.
I reached out to some friends for support, and then found posts on their facebook that say, just got off work, I need a drink and a smoke. Thanks...
I have to work tomorrow, but I can't sleep and I am thinking all sorts of things, like how am I gonna go through life without drinking. Social events, holidays. And I look at every bad behavior at all of them. I don't want to go to AA. I have nothing against AA. But it feels weird to be a binge drinker and not chemically dependent on the same level, and I don't want to go and run into someone I know, even though I don't know of anyone I know being there or sit in a room full of people face to face. People with eyes... scary scary eyes. I don't think I could handle it. Maybe some day, but not today. Today I want to be invisible. I want to crawl into bed and never come out. I want to he healthy and happy and I want to be sober...
I also want to talk to people with no eyes, people that understand...
I drink to get drunk, and when I'm not drinking to get smashed, I drink to deal with life.
I drink like I'm gonna win a prize at the end of each bottle.
I also drink til I can't drink no more, blackouts, and hangovers, and thanks to a combination of a 54 pounds weight loss, brown liquor and a compulsive drinking problem, I won an all expenses trip to the slammer for public intoxication. I don't remember getting there. All I remember was being at a friends house one minute about to leave for home, and then next standing in an isolation cell at a police station wondering wtf happened. Then I realized what happened. I drank so much that I was arrested.
I left jail with the confidence of a potato and the realization that I can't do this anymore. I raced home to get to my new job, and then couldn't make it past 5 hours, i was so hung over. I'm praying that no one realized why I was sick and that it will be okay when I go in on Monday. I'm sneaky. I plan to lie and tell them it was food poising. That's awful, but I don't want to lose this job.
A little more about me. I'm 27, live at home with my alcoholic mother, I can't afford to move out. I finally just got a steady job. I feel like the floor has been ripped out from under me.
I reached out to some friends for support, and then found posts on their facebook that say, just got off work, I need a drink and a smoke. Thanks...
I have to work tomorrow, but I can't sleep and I am thinking all sorts of things, like how am I gonna go through life without drinking. Social events, holidays. And I look at every bad behavior at all of them. I don't want to go to AA. I have nothing against AA. But it feels weird to be a binge drinker and not chemically dependent on the same level, and I don't want to go and run into someone I know, even though I don't know of anyone I know being there or sit in a room full of people face to face. People with eyes... scary scary eyes. I don't think I could handle it. Maybe some day, but not today. Today I want to be invisible. I want to crawl into bed and never come out. I want to he healthy and happy and I want to be sober...
I also want to talk to people with no eyes, people that understand...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: 5280
Posts: 10
Charlie,
I too am in my 20s, a newbie to sr, and also binge drink. I know what you are going through-I joined a few days ago, didn't drink for 2 days, and drank heavily last night due to the holiday. today i found myself drinking to make my hangover less noticeable...remembering how amazing i felt waking up a few days prior, being able to do my job efficiently. tomorrow is a new day...my job too is on the line due to my drinking...showing up late...smelling like booze...the whole nine. i am surprised on how many chances i have been given...i am probably on 2nd strike...if i don't confront my problem i will lose my job, my apartment, and all health & dental benefits. i know the feeling of blacking out...my parents too have alcohol problems and are in denial...i do not want to go in public and announce my problem-at least not until i am comfortable and sober for more than 48 hours...I welcome you-take each day at a time
I too am in my 20s, a newbie to sr, and also binge drink. I know what you are going through-I joined a few days ago, didn't drink for 2 days, and drank heavily last night due to the holiday. today i found myself drinking to make my hangover less noticeable...remembering how amazing i felt waking up a few days prior, being able to do my job efficiently. tomorrow is a new day...my job too is on the line due to my drinking...showing up late...smelling like booze...the whole nine. i am surprised on how many chances i have been given...i am probably on 2nd strike...if i don't confront my problem i will lose my job, my apartment, and all health & dental benefits. i know the feeling of blacking out...my parents too have alcohol problems and are in denial...i do not want to go in public and announce my problem-at least not until i am comfortable and sober for more than 48 hours...I welcome you-take each day at a time
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 223
Hi Charlie, I'm new too. have a look at my post "Help, I'm dying of shame, humiliation and embarassment" - in the Newcomers to Recovery forum and you'll know I know how you feel. I'm also a binge drinker. Don't drink every day although I have to concentrate on not doing so. But when I do, sometimes it spells disaster on a large scale and other times (most times) I'm lucky enough to fall into bed before anyone sees me.
Welcome, oh and by the way, I have no eyes, only shoulders.
Welcome, oh and by the way, I have no eyes, only shoulders.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Mesa, AZ
Posts: 5
I have been a binge drinker for decades. I never got fired for drinking on the job. For years I always told myself I could quit if I wanted to. Every time something bad would happen I could rationalize that I didn't have a problem. I would use my alcoholic dilutional mind to say I was ok. I had to hit my bottom, which is different for everyone. I don't know why but I just gave into the glaring reality one day that I was out of control. If I continue down the road I was on I will finally loose everything of value to me. I have lost enough. Family, friends, money. My accomplishments during my years of drinking research include the usual arrests, fights, DUI's, blackouts, divorce, and my kids now grown, have nothing to do with me. Everyone has a different story but they are all similar in some respects. This disease kills. I know I have one more binge left in me but I am scared to death I may not have anymore recoveries left in me. I go to AA meetings regularly because I get strength there. No one is there to judge me. If they are, I don't care because I'm there for me. It is so liberating to be honestly working the 12 steps of AA. I hope you decide AA is worth an honest effort. I hope you don't wait until you are as old as me. (I'm 56). I wish I was 27 again. Do it man. It is worth the fight. Do the next right thing.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 12
Same
Also born in 1985... also drank from 16-28... I know it's time to stop. I can't not drink less than 20 drinks... time to stop kidding myself. I have the opposite problem, I eat a ton when I drink, and consume 3000+ empty alcohol calories every time... So I've gain 50 pounds in the last year. Haven't drank in 8 days and I've already lost 6 pounds... one of the many things alcohol does to me. I feel great, but I have a terrible craving.
I lived with one of my parents last year, the only thing that got me out, and now I have my own house... was being sober for 140 days. I also run a half marathon on day 130 sober. Since I started drinking again, I haven't run but a couple times in the last year. So, health, independence, success, future all rides on whether we drink or not, we know what we have to do.
I lived with one of my parents last year, the only thing that got me out, and now I have my own house... was being sober for 140 days. I also run a half marathon on day 130 sober. Since I started drinking again, I haven't run but a couple times in the last year. So, health, independence, success, future all rides on whether we drink or not, we know what we have to do.
greenturtle
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 208
Charlie - To be honest I'm not a big fan of AA. I've gone many time over the past two years on and off - once for three months straight - but always left after a while. Sometime due to just not liking the members and the "political" bull**** that you sometimes deal with when groups have been together a long time with the same members. I was surprised to realize that some were judgmental even though that's not what the program was about.
Anyway, however, I did attend a meeting today and got my 24 hr chip. Everyone was supportive and anxious to let me know to keep at it. I think you just have to find the right group pf people. AA is at least a good thing to try in the beginning because it allows you to be around a group of people who know what you are going through and who can give you advice and support.
Welcome and best of luck to you!
Anyway, however, I did attend a meeting today and got my 24 hr chip. Everyone was supportive and anxious to let me know to keep at it. I think you just have to find the right group pf people. AA is at least a good thing to try in the beginning because it allows you to be around a group of people who know what you are going through and who can give you advice and support.
Welcome and best of luck to you!
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Welcome to SR.
I am not going to tell you that you are alcoholic, I'm not going to tell you that you need to go to AA to get sober. But I am going to tell you that normal drinkers don't lay in bed and think about how they are going to get through life without alcohol.
And as far as being chemically dependent on alcohol, you don't know. Until you string together some time alcohol free, you won't know. But something drives you to drink and do stupid stuff. If not addiction, then what?
You're here posting. I hope you find the answers you are looking for and the strength to turn your life around.
Originally Posted by Charlie1985 
I have to work tomorrow, but I can't sleep and I am thinking all sorts of things, like how am I gonna go through life without drinking. Social events, holidays. And I look at every bad behavior at all of them. I don't want to go to AA. I have nothing against AA. But it feels weird to be a binge drinker and not chemically dependent on the same level...
And as far as being chemically dependent on alcohol, you don't know. Until you string together some time alcohol free, you won't know. But something drives you to drink and do stupid stuff. If not addiction, then what?
You're here posting. I hope you find the answers you are looking for and the strength to turn your life around.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 303
Hey Charlie, people here understand and we have no eyes......just experiences and words..... Personally, I am beginning to really understand how alcohol tricks us, and how Governments collude with that trickery by promoting one of two drugs they can levy a tax on and so gain a huge amount of income. That's why it feels like you can't get through celebrations and holidays without alcohol. You can, give it a try, and there's so much support here it's unreal.
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