Dazimae

I am just not sure where to go from here. I can not detatch, I can not work on my own life, I can not stand the thought of living here while he is drinking, It makes me feel like an idiot. I try to be loving, caring, and understanding.
He was in Rehab and signed himself out, SAID of all things I can 't stand being locked up I cna beat this on my own........ and here he is again drinking and lieing about how many. Like anymore than 1 matters. I DO go to alonon and they teach you how to live with an alcoholic... what about those that do not wish to live like that? That can't overcome the pain.
I am just sick inside and out., I can not love him knowing he is breaking all the rules, he had help once he signed himself out he lost all help for a year... that is a very long time. I am mad and can't seem to get past that.
I have not found any strong answers guess those are within myself.

Gabe

Hey Dazimae,
Big hugs to you. I'm sorry you're so frustrated and disappointed. You're not an idiot. You love him and you want him to get well. Unfortunately, our love doesn't save them.
This is rough stuff to deal with. One day at a time, you will get to a better place.
Sending some light your way,
Gabe

smf30

Ugh. I am so sorry you are going thru this. I totally understand what you are feeling. Maybe it might help you to go to individual counseling if you're not interested in the al-anon meetings? Just an idea. That's what I'm going to do - I've been to a couple al-anon meetings and it just builds up more resentment in me about the situation. Maybe that is something that will go away, but it frustrates me.

I did meet a woman from Al-anon and have talked to her on the phone a couple times. THAT actually helped more than the meetings. When I told her I didn't know if I could be married to an alcoholic, she told me she is only married a day at a time.

kodfishy

I tried being married one day at a time, but it wasn't worth it for me.

What are your boundaries? How much are you willing to put up with? And if that line is crossed, what are you willing to do?

I'm not advising that you do this, but my personal experience is that I just couldn't handle it anymore. Being with my AH, even when he was sober, was just plain miserable. And it really sucked because we spent nine years together before he started drinking, and they were fabulous. We separated, and it was a terrible, gut-wrenching decision process, but once he left I felt a zillion times better. I haven't looked back. Now I'm snot-poor and a single parent, but I feel so much better about myself that it's worth it.

My prayers are with you.

Lorelai

(((Daz)))
One of the things I think that I have learned is that it would be much, much harder to leave my AH if I was leaving because of what he did. It may even be impossible for me because I can't seem to stay angry - I get over things very quickly and go right back into the same old mode.

I started to examine myself, why I stayed with him all this time, what it is I want for my life. I know that, over the years, I have told him at least a thousand times that someday he will look back at his life and be sorry that he spent his life drinking. To my surprise, I never applied that to myself. I need to look at my own advice. I don't drink the beer but I have allowed my life to be tangled up in it for all these years. Will I someday look back at my life and be sorry? If I choose to leave him, it will be because of me - not because of anything he has done or not done.