First time here, hello!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 12
First time here, hello!
Hello all... I've been reading stuff for a while, I appreciate everyone's thoughts and stories. I stopped drinking March 11th. This is the story of my life though, I've gone 5 days without drinking a hundred times. As soon as I start feeling healthy and confident again, I convince myself I should reward myself by drinking.
I have been an alcoholic from 16-28 years old. I am a terrible alcoholic when it comes to the amount I consume. I have 25-30 drinks a day. I can say, "I'm just going to drink ONE day, or JUST the weekend." I cannot, for the life of me, not end up drinking well into the next week. I binge for at least 5 days straight, always. The only reason it stops is because I KNOW I shouldn't be drinking, it just takes me nearly a week to make myself feel sick enough.
I can't stop because I developed this type of drinking in high school, and I can't do it any other way. I will never be able to have "just one". I hate that, but I have to face the truth.
When I was proud of drinking back in my high school years, I never tried to stop. When I was in high school at age 16, I remember making an X on my calendar for everyday that I drank, and I had about 20 days in a row Xed off. Always had a bottle of Bacardi O (haha) that I would get a random person buy for me outside of a liquor store.
When I was 17, I was suspended for a week and not allowed to attend prom, because I was drinking at school in anticipation for spring break and they found 5 handles of liquor in my car that all my friends had chipped in to buy for our upcoming beach spring break. If you haven't noticed by now, my Dad drank as well, and pretty much let me get away with anything I wanted, and I was malicious in my attempts to get my way. I had to take a substance abuse class because of this incident with the school. The instructor gave $10 to the first person who could solve a problem-solving group activity.. I won, and used the $10 to buy a pint of whiskey that I drank that weeknight.
At 18, all of our friends would get in the car and the first mission was the liquor store. We would chug 40s, drink whiskey out of the bottle, do some coke.. on a weekday. Needless to say, I had missed over 30 days in a single semester in 12th grade. I don't know how I did it. I always did as little as I could to get things done. I played baseball and was on the all-county team. I made Varsity in 9th grade. I could have played in college, if I didn't put alcohol first. (One of my biggest regrets) I still graduated with a 3.0 and I earned my business degree from a major university in 5 years. Pretty good for an alcoholic. While I would like to say I'm a functioning alcoholic... I'm not. I get things done, but when I drink, I am worthless.
I don't want to get into more detail on what I do now, and other details to give myself a way if someone I know happened to read this!... I would like to hide in anonymity... but I need a support system of people who know what I'm going through.
To fast forward today: When I drink, I drink AT LEAST 25 drinks. I drank about 10 out of the last 11 days before I stopped on March 11th. My standard order would consist of an 12 pack of beer, 6 pack malt beverage, and then something stronger: either two bottles of champagne (I know.), or a pint of Vodka.
A few nights it would be a fifth of Kettle One and a 12 pack.
On my last few nights, these 25+ drinks weren't enough. If I EVER thought I was running low, my biggest fear, I would go to the gas station and get a few 24's or 40s. I was drinking and driving nearly every night to go get more alcohol and some nasty food. I never remember eating at night. I never remember going to bed. I wake up with the worse hangovers in the world and SWEAR I will never drink again, and then drink later that afternoon and do it all over again.
My girlfriend has since moved out into her own place. I hide my problems from friends and family. I am a productive person when I'm sober. When I binge, I go into hiding. I have my own place, I will sit around all afternoon and night drinking by myself. I don't drink socially anymore. I used to always get in trouble when I would party, so I just started doing at home, where it is safe. It's sick.
I'm 240 pounds now, when I was 190 last March when I went 140 days sober. 5 days of not drinking and I feel amazing. My confidence, looks, personality all come back when I'm sober. When I drink, I can't see family or friends without them commenting on my puffy eyes and fat face. The body is an amazing thing, and I want to treat it right. The amount I drink isn't sustainable... 30 drinks a night, my organs will rot... I will die. I went out to eat with my friend on March 11th and I felt like I was going to pass out and die. I have severe depression in and after these binges. If I keep drinking, I will die.
I wish I posted right after I quit... even these 5 days and I feel amazing. Nothing feels better than being productive, drinking some coffee, exercising, and eating some good food. The win-win of not drinking is amazing... I know this, and I still think of drinking.
My biggest dilemma now is that I have a wedding to go to soon with all my old drinking friends. There is no way I can not drink, it is going to revolve around alcohol. I thought about waiting until after that to join this group... but the fact is the same: I have to stop or I will ruin my life, and die young.
I would like to keep it anonymous for now, so I'll sign off as Palimpsest, which by the way I had never seen before until I looked up some interesting words. Look up the meaning, I think it applies to all of us.
I have been an alcoholic from 16-28 years old. I am a terrible alcoholic when it comes to the amount I consume. I have 25-30 drinks a day. I can say, "I'm just going to drink ONE day, or JUST the weekend." I cannot, for the life of me, not end up drinking well into the next week. I binge for at least 5 days straight, always. The only reason it stops is because I KNOW I shouldn't be drinking, it just takes me nearly a week to make myself feel sick enough.
I can't stop because I developed this type of drinking in high school, and I can't do it any other way. I will never be able to have "just one". I hate that, but I have to face the truth.
When I was proud of drinking back in my high school years, I never tried to stop. When I was in high school at age 16, I remember making an X on my calendar for everyday that I drank, and I had about 20 days in a row Xed off. Always had a bottle of Bacardi O (haha) that I would get a random person buy for me outside of a liquor store.
When I was 17, I was suspended for a week and not allowed to attend prom, because I was drinking at school in anticipation for spring break and they found 5 handles of liquor in my car that all my friends had chipped in to buy for our upcoming beach spring break. If you haven't noticed by now, my Dad drank as well, and pretty much let me get away with anything I wanted, and I was malicious in my attempts to get my way. I had to take a substance abuse class because of this incident with the school. The instructor gave $10 to the first person who could solve a problem-solving group activity.. I won, and used the $10 to buy a pint of whiskey that I drank that weeknight.
At 18, all of our friends would get in the car and the first mission was the liquor store. We would chug 40s, drink whiskey out of the bottle, do some coke.. on a weekday. Needless to say, I had missed over 30 days in a single semester in 12th grade. I don't know how I did it. I always did as little as I could to get things done. I played baseball and was on the all-county team. I made Varsity in 9th grade. I could have played in college, if I didn't put alcohol first. (One of my biggest regrets) I still graduated with a 3.0 and I earned my business degree from a major university in 5 years. Pretty good for an alcoholic. While I would like to say I'm a functioning alcoholic... I'm not. I get things done, but when I drink, I am worthless.
I don't want to get into more detail on what I do now, and other details to give myself a way if someone I know happened to read this!... I would like to hide in anonymity... but I need a support system of people who know what I'm going through.
To fast forward today: When I drink, I drink AT LEAST 25 drinks. I drank about 10 out of the last 11 days before I stopped on March 11th. My standard order would consist of an 12 pack of beer, 6 pack malt beverage, and then something stronger: either two bottles of champagne (I know.), or a pint of Vodka.
A few nights it would be a fifth of Kettle One and a 12 pack.
On my last few nights, these 25+ drinks weren't enough. If I EVER thought I was running low, my biggest fear, I would go to the gas station and get a few 24's or 40s. I was drinking and driving nearly every night to go get more alcohol and some nasty food. I never remember eating at night. I never remember going to bed. I wake up with the worse hangovers in the world and SWEAR I will never drink again, and then drink later that afternoon and do it all over again.
My girlfriend has since moved out into her own place. I hide my problems from friends and family. I am a productive person when I'm sober. When I binge, I go into hiding. I have my own place, I will sit around all afternoon and night drinking by myself. I don't drink socially anymore. I used to always get in trouble when I would party, so I just started doing at home, where it is safe. It's sick.
I'm 240 pounds now, when I was 190 last March when I went 140 days sober. 5 days of not drinking and I feel amazing. My confidence, looks, personality all come back when I'm sober. When I drink, I can't see family or friends without them commenting on my puffy eyes and fat face. The body is an amazing thing, and I want to treat it right. The amount I drink isn't sustainable... 30 drinks a night, my organs will rot... I will die. I went out to eat with my friend on March 11th and I felt like I was going to pass out and die. I have severe depression in and after these binges. If I keep drinking, I will die.
I wish I posted right after I quit... even these 5 days and I feel amazing. Nothing feels better than being productive, drinking some coffee, exercising, and eating some good food. The win-win of not drinking is amazing... I know this, and I still think of drinking.
My biggest dilemma now is that I have a wedding to go to soon with all my old drinking friends. There is no way I can not drink, it is going to revolve around alcohol. I thought about waiting until after that to join this group... but the fact is the same: I have to stop or I will ruin my life, and die young.
I would like to keep it anonymous for now, so I'll sign off as Palimpsest, which by the way I had never seen before until I looked up some interesting words. Look up the meaning, I think it applies to all of us.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 303
Hi Palimpsest! Congrats on 5 days sober that is not an easy task. I think what helped me get past my first week and stay motivated was my health improving. I dropped weight, my face cleared up, my depression lifted, and I felt great. I want to see what I will feel like in a year with no drinking. What type of person will I be because for the past 20 years I know what a drunk I had been. Congrats again and please hang around here for the support through you next week of sobriety.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Hi Palimpsest 
Actually you have a few choices - you can decide not to go (my personal preference), or you can decide to go and have a plan in place to stay sober...
resigning yourself already to drinking is self-defeating, and self destructive when you drink like we do.
There comes a time when we have to draw that line in the sand. It's always going to be difficult - there will always be testing occasions, at least for a while... but the sooner you make the commitment the better it'll be, trust me.
You'll look back and thank God you stopped when you did.
Its hard and scary - but you're not alone - welcome to the gang
D
My biggest dilemma now is that I have a wedding to go to soon with all my old drinking friends. There is no way I can not drink, it is going to revolve around alcohol.
resigning yourself already to drinking is self-defeating, and self destructive when you drink like we do.
There comes a time when we have to draw that line in the sand. It's always going to be difficult - there will always be testing occasions, at least for a while... but the sooner you make the commitment the better it'll be, trust me.
You'll look back and thank God you stopped when you did.
Its hard and scary - but you're not alone - welcome to the gang
D
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Palimpsest; when I saw your online name I wondered what it meant and will look it up as soon as I finish this.
If you are sure you will drink at this wedding, don't go. I could go to functions if I prepared myself carefully and started with soft drinks right away, but you know yourself best.
You are 100% right about the damage the alcohol is doing to your body, and if this is a motivator for you I suggest you seek out as much reading as you can find on the topic. It's definitely a motivator for me, as well as seeing the long term effects of alcohol abuse on people I know.
You've relapsed before, so get past this barrier by doing everything you can to support your sobriety. Think of it as training for a big sports event. You need to do more than running round the oval every night. You need to concentrate on your nutrition, your mindset, your support team, your self-talk, your toughness and determination and your intelligence. Bend them all towards your goal.
If you are sure you will drink at this wedding, don't go. I could go to functions if I prepared myself carefully and started with soft drinks right away, but you know yourself best.
You are 100% right about the damage the alcohol is doing to your body, and if this is a motivator for you I suggest you seek out as much reading as you can find on the topic. It's definitely a motivator for me, as well as seeing the long term effects of alcohol abuse on people I know.
You've relapsed before, so get past this barrier by doing everything you can to support your sobriety. Think of it as training for a big sports event. You need to do more than running round the oval every night. You need to concentrate on your nutrition, your mindset, your support team, your self-talk, your toughness and determination and your intelligence. Bend them all towards your goal.
Night owl
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Orion spur of the Milky Way galaxy
Posts: 2,050
"An object, place or area that reflects its history." That's the second def. from the American Heritage Dictionary. I like that and would agree it, and def. no. 1, do indeed relate to and reflect those of us in recovery!
Welcome to SR! You've made a great and lifesaving choice to quit drinking and SR is a great place to find and receive support, wisdom and information. And it's great that you are quitting while you are still young and can heal your body from the damage done.
Have you any other plans to help in your recovery? Rehab--either inpatient or intensive outpatient can be incredibly helpful to help you stay quit and learn how to live life sober. AA has helped millions of folks, I'm sure other posters who go to AA will be along to share their thoughts. There are a lot of other options too which are listed on this site. Having support is essential, there's nothing like knowing you're not alone.
Take care and welcome aboard!
Welcome to SR! You've made a great and lifesaving choice to quit drinking and SR is a great place to find and receive support, wisdom and information. And it's great that you are quitting while you are still young and can heal your body from the damage done.
Have you any other plans to help in your recovery? Rehab--either inpatient or intensive outpatient can be incredibly helpful to help you stay quit and learn how to live life sober. AA has helped millions of folks, I'm sure other posters who go to AA will be along to share their thoughts. There are a lot of other options too which are listed on this site. Having support is essential, there's nothing like knowing you're not alone.
Take care and welcome aboard!
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