Willowgrace326

Well... I've posted a few things, but haven't introduced myself. I'm Haley, 30 yrs old, have a good job & family, and I'm an alcoholic.

In August 2012, I finally admitted to myself that I'm an alcoholic. I have been on a rollercoaster in every way possible since that day. Good days & bad - mentally, emotionally, and physically. At the same time I've been on the alcohol rollercoaster. 3 weeks sober...a 4 day binge...2 weeks sober...a week long binge...you know the drill.

Just a few days ago came my wake up call. While on a binge, I drank my normal amount of a bottle of vodka, but IT WASN'T ENOUGH! So I picked up my keys, drove to the liquor store, and bought another bottle. I've had a DUI before (8 years ago while in college--I convinced myself everybody did I was just the one that got caught). However, I have still drove drunk after that. Until 3 years ago when 2 children in my town were killed by a drunk driver...I could have been that driver! Thank you God, I wasn't! I still kept drinking to the "point of no return"...but the little part in me fighting this disease, would not let me drive...Until a few days ago

I can't & won't do it anymore!

Thank you for reading my story...& thank you to everyone that has been there before still giving your time, experience & advice. I just joined, but reading your posts has given me strength for a long time.

Any positive thoughts or ways to deal with the first few weeks or maybe months would be appreciated...

Hevyn

Hi Haley. I'm glad you posted and told your story. You sound determined to do it this time.

It's very difficult at a young age to realize we can't touch it. When I was 30 it never occurred to me that I'd have to stop all together. So I kept playing with it. The result was a ruined life - and almost death. Things would have been so different if I'd only done what you're doing now - taking a hard look at what alcohol is doing to your life. Be proud of this stand you've taken. You can do it Haley - and you'll never have to go through the terrible times many of us have.

Dee74

Hi Haley

I can recommend the March thread - there's some awesome support there

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-3-a-15.html

D

instant

Keep at it. I found joining the daily thread a great help.

I used to worry about still being over the limit the morning after ( amongst many other alcohol caused worries). Whilst I was filled with dread and struggled for years to string sober days together, I am so happy to find life is so much easier sober. Any hardships from not drinking are easily dealt with, unlike the major negatives of drinking.

I highly recommend the personal stores at the end of " The Big Book" of AA

Paddler

Sounds like we have really similar drinking patterns. Sober... binge... sober a little longer... longer binge... It sucks and that's why we're both here.

I honestly find the hardest day(s) is/are the immediate day after that binge. My binge would end with me thinking "I can't do this anymore... I feel absolutely terrible..." Then I'd chug a bunch of water, chew a vitamin, drink gatorade, whatever.. Then you wake up committed to knowing you need to cut it off. Plug it up...

That first day isn't unlike the mornings of the previous days of the binge. You feel like crap. You want to drink to feel better. Maybe, like me, saying "I'll just buy that 6 pack of Hornsby's or other cider... just have a couple" then drink all 6 and buy another 6 pack.

If you can get through that first day, day two, three, then four... your body (if you're like me) is finally returning to normal. Your body won't crave it. You'll start to feel better... then a week later you might say you're never going back you feel so great. Two weeks later you'll say "Hell, yes... I feel amazing"... That's about the time I would start spending lots of time thanking God for my sobriety and helping me to stay hangover and alcohol free..."

Then, while feeling so wonderful, I talk myself into that drink. Just one.

That's where I am right now. Learning what makes me drink that first one. I'm learning to say no to that first one which won't be one. It will be days of drinking. I'm giving it another go with the help of AA... but I'm so early I haven't started working the steps. My first goal is to get 30 days of clarity and keep trudging along from there. I want to do the steps in hopes of finding out more about myself. Even if it doesn't tell me much about my drinking I've read and heard enough to realize it can and should be very therapeutic.

If you're coming off a binge I always find hot tea to work. Exercise and take long walks... spend lots of time reading through posts here and googling all kinds of questions...

Best of luck and I hope some of my rambling helps. =)

Anna

Willowgrace, I think you're experiencing the progression of the disease. And, good for you for recognizing it and putting a stop to it. I remember some horrible moments when I realized that I crossed lines I hadn't reached before. It's not easy to make the decision to stop drinking and I'm glad you have. SR has always been a lifeline for me.

Willowgrace326

Thank you all for your support & advice
.

sugarbear1

SR chat room and AA meetings got me through that time.

Big hugs,
~SB

quitforme79

I stay sober with SR and AA. The first month can be challenging but it's like coming home to yourself. Every day you string together gives you more confidence and inner peace.

FreeFall

Welcome Haley! It is really scary that the addiction convinces us to do things we're completely against and would never consider doing sober. Making decisions while impaired can have seriously devastating results so it's great you're ready to take the steps to stop. It will bring you a sense of relief when you break the cycle you've been trapped in. It is great you're figuring this out at 30, I wish I had!