bagpussgirl

Hi
So the last time I was on here was pretty much 12 months ago. At the time I thought I had a drinking problem. Went to one AA meeting, told my husband and suddenly he changed his mind and decided I was over reacting, that I wasn't an alcoholic and that it was insulting to other alcoholics to go another meeting!

So 12 months on I'm in the same situation. ...husband saying I have a drinking problem "but not an AA type problem. ..before we go down that route again" (his words).

I don't know. ..I don't think I drink normally but an alcoholic? ?? That's a whole other ball game. Since my son was born 5 years ago I have drank pretty much at least a bottle of wine every night. I have tried to stop more times than I can imagine but never manage more than 2 days. I have been of work with depression for the past 5 weeks and things seem to be getting worse. I have been drinking tequila at home alone. ..drank during the day at home for the first time yesterday. I usually make an excuse to go out for lunch and drink.

I have been chancing driving when ive had borderline too much to drink. I an very against driving whilst drunk. ..so this is very out of character.

The other night I woke my son up and made him walk to the shop so I could get extra alcohol. ..he was exhausted and practicality slept walked there but at the time all that mattered was getting more wine.
I felt so bad the next day.

So my question is. ..am I being dramatic? Does this sound like a habit I should change or do you think I have a drinking problem? My mum was an alcoholic and im scared I'll lose my son x

avocado

stop being worried about what word you use to describe yourself. 'alcoholic' is an arbitrary term. the fact is, you're obviously concerned about your drinking and at least part of you seems to think you need to change. worry more about your behavior and the steps you need to take to fix that behavior, rather than some relatively unimportant word you could use to describe that behavior.

FullofShame

Avocado is right. Don't think about the word. If you're here, that's a good indication that you might have a problem. And if you're waking up your five year old to drag him to buy booze that could be a warning sign too.

doggonecarl

How is it that with smokers nobody asks, "Am I addicted to cigarettes, or do I just have a smoking problem?" No. Every smoker probably accepts they are addicted.

Yet with alcohol, people so fear to define themselves as an alcoholic, as if having merely a drinking problem is a free pass to continue one's affair with alcohol.

You know your drinking isn't normal. It is causing you problems. Life will likely be better if you quit. What are you waiting for?

Admiral

Someone around here put it really well; when you go out to eat do you worry about how much broccoli or salad you had? Do you worry that you eat too much salad? Do you think about it often? The answer is no, alcohol is the same way for normal people. They can take it or leave it just like the vegetables with their meal.

I didn't drink every day, I didn't ruin friendships, I didn't have financial disaster due to alcohol, but I still have a drinking problem because I can't drink normally.

Does your husband really want it to get bad enough to be an "AA problem"? Why let it get that far, it will only be harder.

Xenshe

Hi bagpussgirl -

"So my question is. ..am I being dramatic? Does this sound like a habit I should change or do you think I have a drinking problem? My mum was an alcoholic and im scared I'll lose my son x"

My opinion (nor your husband's) is not so much what matters. It's yours, and I hear (or read) that you believe you do have a problem. From what you've shared, I'm guessing that if your drinking was something you could change by virtue of your own will, you would have already done so.

Not only is drinking and driving illegal, but if you could end up injuring (at best) yourself and others - including your son.

I don't know why your husband feels as he does about your potential involvement with AA. I would suggest that for your own sake, you worry about yourself right now. AA isn't the only solution (although it has worked for me), but it's free and available to you, right now. And I can't see any harm in that. Can you?

ReadyAtLast

your drinking sounds very much like mine was. If it is a problem for you then it is a problem. I agree with the previous posters-imo labels don't matter,it doesn't matter what term you use.If alcohol is causing you problems then it is a problem for you.For me cutting down,moderation, only drinking 1 type of drink -heck I've tried them all and failed. I can't control alcohol -it controlled me. I quit 3 months ago and I've never felt better. It's not easy don't get me wrong but it can be done . I realized I was only half living and was not the best mum I could or should have been drinking a bottle of wine every night. My husband was exactly the same ,thought I prob drank a bit too much but not THAT bad Now though, he hopes I don't pick up again as can see how much things have improved. Don't listen too much to what others in your life say or think,YOU know if you have problem and people who don't have adrink problem don't understand. People on SR understand though,hope you stick around

2granddaughters

Two things were true in my drinking days as I look back.

1) People could always talk me into or out of thinking I was an alcoholic.. and I blew in the wind.

2) When I finally got so bad that I could not deny it any more, everyone else had know for a long time.

All the best.

Bob R

bagpussgirl

Thanks for the replies. I've just had enough of making a fool of myself and self harming when drunk. My husband Suggested that I should have just one glass of wine a night but I want to get drunk. ..One glass doesn't cut it. When he's been watching I sneak more and then fill the wine bottle up with water so he doesn't know how much I have really had.

Going to the cinema I get alcohol drinks and secretly poor them into coffee cups so I can drink during the film. Normal people don't do this stuff right?

Opivotal

I didn't listen to my "inner voice" when my drinking became something I looked forward to. I started watching the clock. I knew at that point alcohol was becoming much to important to me. I carried on anyway and I progressively got worse. Way worse.

I went from a glass of wine while cooking dinner to an everyday all day drinker. This happened in a matter of 2 years. In my humble opinion your "inner voice" is speaking to you.

Save yourself years of pain and misery. Listen to that voice! Doesn't matter the title you give yourself, what matters is stopping the train before it derails. Inside you know the truth. I sure did.


Best Wishes To You!

ReadyAtLast

No it's not normal at all. It's easy for everyone else to say 'oh just have one.,learn to control it, stop after 2 glasses' For me, I'd tried for 20 years to do all those and it never worked. Who on earth just wants 1 glass of wine! I've never understood anyone who has just one drink.Why? What's the point? That's how I know I can never have just one and never will be able to.accepting that was a key moment for me

Anna

No, normal people don't do those kinds of things. And, it really doesn't matter if you apply the label alcoholic to yourself or not. The main thing is that alcohol is causing you problems in your life and you can change that.

YouRmySunshine

What is sounds like is you are powerless over alcohol.
Sounds like parts of your life are unmanageable, and you have concerns about what you are doing to yourself & your family.

Good thing is your starting to recognize this.
Hope you stick around & learn more.
Its freeing when you admit your ready for a new, better, sober life.

misspond

Hi there - at the end of the day bagpussgirl alcohol is a drug and if you're sneaking it, hiding it, taking your little one with you to buy more of it when he should be asleep and safe in his bed, if you're taking it to places to drink it when it's not what you can usually buy there then yes, I think it's a problem. Trust me, I'm only saying this because I have struggled with some of the same questions for a while and the people around me, who also drink, would always say, "Nooo, you don't have a problem! You only drink as much as I do don't you?"

Hmm. I didn't dare tell them that I drink abottle every night, and there have been two occasions recently when I have drunk my one bottle of wine a night, wanted more and have left my two children in their beds for 5 minutes (I'm a single parent) whilst I have have driven down the road to buy another bottle. driving seemed logical to me as it was the fastest way to get more wine. Tell me, do you think I have a problem? Yeah, me too.

Don't worry, you're here now, there's so much support here it's over-whelming, but most of all it's awesome.

Actually, I now have a new problem, I'm addicted to SR.

bagpussgirl

I am totally with you...as to why people would have one drink. ..I REALLY don't get it!!! This is what makes me think I might have a problem.

smacked

Honestly, this alarms me:

It doesn't matter what your husband thinks. He is not a treatment provider or qualified to tell you what type of drinking you should be partaking in. Does he know the extent of this "problem"? Are you solely responsible for your son's health and safety but too inebriated to respond to an emergency situation (and emergency for him, not for when you run our of liquor). Denial is super common with addiction of any kind, I get that. I'm an addict, I lived it for years. To answer your question(s) NO, 'normal' drinkers do nothing that you're describing, ever. Does that help you decide to get rid of this life for yourself (and that sweet boy of yours)?

I'm sorry to be blunt, it's in my nature, but when it comes to the mental and physical welfare of children who are the true victims in this, I sort of lose my ****.

Please get help.

Threshold

I never met you, but all the people I have met and know who have stories similar to yours...are alcoholics.

At any rate, your behavior is troublesome (down right scary to me) so I'd get right on it. Heck YOU know what it's like to have an alcoholic for a mom...do yourself, son and spouse a favor. I'm sorry your husband has issues accepting this, but that is NOT a reason to delay addressing this. You don't have to harm yourself or others any further in order to convince him.

Once you are sober and in solid recovery, I'm pretty sure he'll look back and say "hey, maybe it WAS bad as all that."

It's bizarre how many people seem more frightened of AA than of the dangers of alcoholism.

2granddaughters

Just have 1 drink or put the drink down if it's causing you grief.

If you can't, and know you can't and have proven time & time again you can't. Then come to AA with me. I can't...WE can.

All the best.

Bob R

ScottFromWI

How much does your husband know about the hiding and walks to the liquor store in the middle of the night with your 5 year old son in tow? Perhaps he doesn't see the problem because you hide it very well - many of us did. Only you can decide to quit, but frankly waking up even on your own in the middle of the night to go to the liquor store is a warning sign....and involving a young child in the process is frankly irresponsible and borderline criminal. I wish you the best of luck, welcome to SR and please continue to seek help here and elsewhere if you do have the desire to stop drinking.

Duffster

Many people are in deep denial of their spouse's addictions.

Doesn't the fact that you dragged your sleeping son out of his bed to a liquor store in the middle night tell you that yes, you have a problem: "at the time all that mattered was getting more wine."