exhaustd

Hi, my husband is addicted to pain killers and I am codependent. I think I have hit rock bottom and I don't want to live like this anymore. After months of soul searching I came to the decision the other day that I have to let go of my anger and resentment towards my husbands behavior because it is eating me alive. I also had to admit to my role in the chaos of our lives. I am codependent, I have allowed his addiction to suck all of the joy out of my life and turn me into someone I don't even recognize anymore. I am and have been for years completely consumed by his addictions and bad behavior, blaming everything that has gone wrong in my/our lives on him, it seems like every waking moment is spent dwelling on the problems in our lives. I am ready to take responsibility for my part in all of this and start making some changes. I do not want to live the rest of my life like the last twenty + years. I'm so tired of being miserable and just plain tired.

I am going to talk to him about getting professional help for him to get clean. I honestly do not think he is strong enough to do it on his own or even on an outpatient basis, but i guess that is up to him. I know I need council ing too but I don't know where to turn because we just can't afford it and I don't have insurance. I read the post on codependency and wish I was surprised that it described me so completely, but I wasn't surprised just sad.

What I really want to do is ignore it and hope it will get better on its own, that has been my pattern for years, i say "I'm done" but then never do anything. My anxiety level skyrockets when I think about dealing with it, I'm just so tired and dealing takes so much energy. But I know that it's never going to change if I don't DO something, take some kind of action, I used to be so decisive but now I'm lucky if I can decide what underwear to put on in the morning. I would love a plan of action to follow to get me started so I don't feel like I'm just floundering or running in circles. AND what if he doesn't admit his / our problems? Then what?

Ok, that's another of my patterns, worrying about the future, I get myself discouraged projecting future problems I give up before even taking a step. Geez, I never thought I would be such a mess at this point in my life. I want that happy, laid back, positive person I used to be back.

Sorry this is so long, I could actually go on for days it's been a long time since I've let all of this out. I would love it if someone could point me in the right direction.

Thanks

doggonecarl

You can't do anything about your husband's recovery, but you can do something for your own. Consider a Na-anon meeting.

Also, see our friends and family forum. Lots of folks going through exactly what you are going through.

Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

And welcome.

Richierich777

How did he get hook to pain meds? Anyway just get someone there friends or family and have a meeting with him. My wife told me I better stop the BS or she would leave. I stopped because I love my life. I love them as well