daisie13

Ive been clean for two years on the 17th. Ive created a new life full of people and love and support but its hard. In alot of ways harder than being in the mists of addiction, because at least that was simple. I had a goal in mind, get it, get high, and now everything seems so complicated. I just miss it.

Threshold

I appreciate your honesty. I feel that way at times. Well, I don't miss the dregs of addiction, but I never did it to get high, only to get numb.

But I miss the simplicity, the excuse to slip into oblivion, all self righteous with anger and sadness. There was a melodramatic simplicity to it, a particular role to play.

Now...it's all up in the air, changing from day to day. It's challenging, but there are rewards and one of them for me is the satisfaction I get from facing things and taking care of myself. That sounds like a platitude, or it did to me when I was a mess and people with clean time told me that, but I DO feel that now, occasionally.

But what's best for me is freedom. I was a slave before, to booze, drugs, sex, food, my feelings. I hated that, I used more and more to try to hide from the fact that I WAS a slave. Now I'm not a slave, I can choose, and that's trickier, but I like it better. Any day I want I could choose to return to using, but I don't choose that anymore. I like that.

but hugs...to the times when we miss the weird inside out safety of it all...hey, at least I didn't have to think.

daisie13

Thank you I really needed someone just to get it, y know

2granddaughters

Do you attend meetings, Daisy?

All the best.

Bob R

daisie13

I don't anymore, no