Reintroducing myself
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Seattle
Posts: 5
Reintroducing myself
Hi, guys. I know I created an account here a few months ago, but I totally forgot about it. I'm gonna introduce myself and I'm interested in hearing anything you have to say, especially if you can relate your story to mine.
I've been drinking for over a year. Not with perfect consistency; I've taken a little time off here and there, when I was motivated enough. But the general trend has been a downwards spiral. Cocaine has been mixed in there, when I have enough money. If I'm drunk and have money for cocaine and if a hookup is available, there's a 100% chance that I'm doing it.
It's impossible for me to separate my drinking/drugging from my depression. I'm not sure which came first. Was I depressed, then caved into substance abuse? Or did I cave in to substance abuse, then become depressed? I don't know. It was a self-perpetuating downwards spiral in any case -- and I was very good at hiding it from other people.
Do I want to commit to never drinking/drugging again? What a tough question. Honestly, at this point, I at least want to take time off, but there's a little voice in my head that says I should keep the option open.
I've been drinking for over a year. Not with perfect consistency; I've taken a little time off here and there, when I was motivated enough. But the general trend has been a downwards spiral. Cocaine has been mixed in there, when I have enough money. If I'm drunk and have money for cocaine and if a hookup is available, there's a 100% chance that I'm doing it.
It's impossible for me to separate my drinking/drugging from my depression. I'm not sure which came first. Was I depressed, then caved into substance abuse? Or did I cave in to substance abuse, then become depressed? I don't know. It was a self-perpetuating downwards spiral in any case -- and I was very good at hiding it from other people.
Do I want to commit to never drinking/drugging again? What a tough question. Honestly, at this point, I at least want to take time off, but there's a little voice in my head that says I should keep the option open.
Recovering ostrich
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Tampa Bay, Florida
Posts: 2,551
I can tell you for certain that the coke and drinking aren't helping. I was on a really self destructive path about eight or nine years ago after a miserable breakup of drinking and taking coke. All I remember is the misery and that was the lowest I had been.
Come here, hang out and read. Do you have a plan to stop?
Come here, hang out and read. Do you have a plan to stop?
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
I think it is unlikely that alcohol and cocaine are recognized treatments for depression.
Now I am sober my moods have improved, I have more energy, laugh more and my thinking capacity has really kicked on.
Living sober is far easier than I imagined once I got over the initial fears and hurdles.
Now I am sober my moods have improved, I have more energy, laugh more and my thinking capacity has really kicked on.
Living sober is far easier than I imagined once I got over the initial fears and hurdles.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Welcome back TheLostXanadu 
It might be hard to determine what came first because they're likely very intertwined and certainly one feeds of the other. Maybe trying an extended period of sobriety would just help you figure out what your base line is and give you the opportunity to get some help with your depression. Glad you're here x
It might be hard to determine what came first because they're likely very intertwined and certainly one feeds of the other. Maybe trying an extended period of sobriety would just help you figure out what your base line is and give you the opportunity to get some help with your depression. Glad you're here x
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,634
Welcome back - Making that commitment in a challenging first step that I too wrestled with for a long time.
Focusing on a shorter period, even 1 day at a time helped me to get going. You may find that you'll have more clarity to make the permanent decision after a period of extended sobriety. AVRT techniques may also be helpful.
Focusing on a shorter period, even 1 day at a time helped me to get going. You may find that you'll have more clarity to make the permanent decision after a period of extended sobriety. AVRT techniques may also be helpful.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 28
Im in the same boat there bud, i didnt think i had a problem with my drinking till i got depressed too...
Then I got into the cocaine for the last time it was outta control...
Im pretty sure you just need to figure out your depression and everything will be good...
For me its getting laid/a girlfirend... but i know i'm not finding that woman being a drunken coked out mess so i joined SR... Depression isnt near as bad when you have hope and all these awesome ppl supporting you. Thanks again everybody
Then I got into the cocaine for the last time it was outta control...
Im pretty sure you just need to figure out your depression and everything will be good...
For me its getting laid/a girlfirend... but i know i'm not finding that woman being a drunken coked out mess so i joined SR... Depression isnt near as bad when you have hope and all these awesome ppl supporting you. Thanks again everybody
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
Welcome back! To me drinking and drugging and depression make up a chicken-and-egg cycle; it's impossible sometimes to decide which came first. But I can say that in the 5+ months that I haven't drank or used I can't remember what depression felt like (aside from the normal kind you feel when you see examples of man's inhumanity to man).
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Seattle
Posts: 5
Originally Posted by hypochondriac 
Welcome back TheLostXanadu
It might be hard to determine what came first because they're likely very intertwined and certainly one feeds of the other. Maybe trying an extended period of sobriety would just help you figure out what your base line is and give you the opportunity to get some help with your depression. Glad you're here x
It might be hard to determine what came first because they're likely very intertwined and certainly one feeds of the other. Maybe trying an extended period of sobriety would just help you figure out what your base line is and give you the opportunity to get some help with your depression. Glad you're here x
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
I'd suggest you try to frame it as a medical issue. Be clear that you're not "just feeling down" but subject to prolonged intense bouts of depression that you feel may be clinical depression. Let them know it's not about blame or any particular "issue" you have. People are generally a lot more understanding and aware of depression today than 20 years ago.
If you were bleeding or had a bone sticking out of your arm you wouldn't hesitate to seek medical help! Don't let brain issues slide, either.
If you were bleeding or had a bone sticking out of your arm you wouldn't hesitate to seek medical help! Don't let brain issues slide, either.
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