SoberD

Well, the enthusiasm of being back is somewhat in jest but I found this to be a great place to learn and share during my last sober run and now I'm ready for another serious attempt. Essentially, I have scared the hell out of myself again by unintentionally driving for hours in the snow and lost while completely blacked out. Awful.

A few months ago, I made it to about 45 days and thought I was cruising. Oddly, it wasn't that I just slipped back into alcoholism but rather, made a conscious decision to start "carefully" drinking again. Of course, this worked for a few weeks before then devolving into my typical pattern of 4-5 day major benders followed by a few days of mild withdrawal and guilt. The cycle then repeats.

In thinking about why I went back, it was mostly the lifestyle of parties, social events, sporting events, concerts, women, etc. that I felt like I was missing. (BTW, I'm 33 and divorced). So the question is...when, if ever, do people fee comfortable doing the things that they like to do without alcohol? I mean, I really enjoy these things but alcohol has become so engrained in them that I just feel isolated because when I don't drink, I don't socialize. Is there a time months down the road where people just feel comfortable doing the things they used to do without the booze??

SoberD

Oh, and I am currently on day 9.

NotSureOfMyself

Not sure how partying and events can get better. I find it annoying being around other drunks when im sober. Takes some adjusting anyway I'm slipping up sometimes because I can't handle everything sober yet. It'd be nice to just buy a new brain.

SoberD

[QUOTE= It'd be nice to just buy a new brain.[/QUOTE]

Yes, sometimes I just get angry that I can't have a blast like some people do by drinking a few and then shutting it down. Why do I have to turn one night of fun into days of boozing. Well, I guess I know the answer to that. I mean, do recovered alcoholics go to parties, events, and such and enjoy them or do they just find other things to do?

Dee74

I thought the only thing I had to do to make my life better was stop drinking. I was wrong.

Not drinking was only the first of the changes I needed to make.

I found that even when I wasn't drinking I still thought like I was -I thought the only way to have a social life and to be happy was to be around drinkers.

Some people can do that and stand their ground, You sound like me though - when I was around drinkers, the same people I used to get drunk with, I wanted to get drunk with them.

I needed to change my life and my friends - at least for a while.

When I felt secure enough in my recovery I did go back to some old haunts (I was a musician)

I found I didn't like it anymore - didn't like a lot of my old drinking buddies either but that's ok - I'd outgrown it all...you might find your experience is different, I dunno.

D

Coldfusion

I have been sober for about 4 1/2 months, and at least at this point I am avoiding being around alcohol. I have some good friends who drink, so I visit well before happy hour. I wouldn't go to parties that serve alcohol--the social gatherings I have been to recently are with AA fellows.

SoberD

Thanks D. I have a feeling that I probably wouldn't like my drinking crew very much either if I wasn't drunk. The irony of this is that I always met people easily at bars but now I would like to meet somebody whose life doesn't revolve around drinking (but bars have been traditionally where I meet anyone). I have plenty of other hobbies and activities, but not all conducive to meeting people. Honestly, I can say that if I was surrounded by sober people that really cared about me, this wouldn't be that difficult...but left to my own devices, I hop right back on the crazy train when I get bored and lonely...

Brett11

Honestly alcohol was my excuse to act like a fool(i actually loved it, making people laugh is great), it wasn't the alcohol that made you fun or outgoing it was you the whole time. All you have to do is turn off the part of your brain that thinks people judge you for expressing yourself. All you have to do is break through that initial comfort zone, and you can do it by jumping in the pool or dipping your toes in. Your call

Hope this helps!!! We got your back bro!

SoberD

Do you think that you may be able to integrate yourself again after more time? I just would like to think that there might be a time when I can comfortably go to a concert, for example, have fun around people (even those who are drinking), and not think twice about drinking myself...damn.

least

I've been sober over three years and I can enjoy any activity without alcohol. It does take some getting used to, but it's possible.

Abetterway

I have managed to string together over 15 months and I can say that, at least for me, the answer is very much yes. Last night I went to dinner with a friend and he had one drink and I had sparkling water. The conversation was animated and food was good. Didn't even occur to me to drink.
In the past going out to dinner was just an excuse to drink.
Afterwards I went to a party where a few were drinking and one person was drunk. I enjoyed catch up. This morning I woke up feeling bright and happy. So, yes.

Dee74

I can go anywhere and do anything now D...but I needed to put clear daylight between old me and new me.

I need to develop my sobriety muscles - once I did, and I knew I actually preferred being sober - there's no place off limits to me.

I don't frequent bars now - I find them sad - but I have a 'crew' of normal occasional drinkers I hang with - we do anything we like.

I often buy dad booze for his birthday (thats what he wants) I can walk into a liquor store and never even think about buying stuff for myself.

D

SoberD

Thanks man, it does. I'm somewhat of an introvert by nature but quite confident and comfortable with myself, even around strangers. It's almost like I just don't really giving strangers my time, whereas when I am drunk, I feel that "love" for everyone around me and connection to people that makes me outgoing. I think you are right: if it is a part of me when I am drunk, why can't I choose to make it a part of me while sober.

Brett11

Can you think of a time when you were that outgoing guy and you were sober?

SoberD

Awesome. This seems to be my major impediment: the fear that life without booze will be such a drastic change, with little or no "fun," and living like a monk by myself. Clearly the booze is a problem for me but I find the lifestyle to be equally addictive. If I can still go to dinners, parties, etc., without the booze, there would be nothing destructive about it.

Dee74

LOL do you really think we'd all still be sober if it meant being monastic, D?


D

SoberD

For sure. When I get to know people, even slightly, I am quite comfortable. Usually that comes within minutes of meeting too. While ashamed to admit it, sometimes I just don't take the time to meet new people because I don't feel like going out of my way to talk to them. It's not that I'm afraid or shy. The alcohol seems to break down the barrier of just liking people, whomever they are.

SoberD

Haha, yeah, probably not...otherwise, a chain of monasteries for sober people would be my next business venture I guess it is a somewhat bizarre vision of what it is like to be sober. I actually read recently that 35% percent of Americans are abstainers, which makes me think, where the hell are all these people cause I never meet them!

SoberD

"Sobriety muscles" - I like that. I just want to have no place be off limits to me either and apparently I haven't given myself the time to just adapt my sober brain to whatever environment(s) I have always liked and appreciated. Yes, I doubt that I will want to be anywhere where the main activity revolves around getting drunk but just want to enjoy people and activities like a normal human being. I couldn't care less about people seeing me not drink or feeling pressured; I simply want to actually enjoy these experiences (whilst not drunk).

llastchance8

Hello, SoberD,, it is really great to see that you are analyzing the cause of your relapse. We can fully relate to your situation. After years of activities around alcohol, it is indeed difficult to start enjoying and socializing without alcohol. However, here are few things , which helped me.

1. With some close observations, I realized that both me and my friends wanted more and more to get same high effect,as months and years went by. The lovely pleasure ,we used to get by just drinking couple of beers at the beach, was rare even after having a case of beer or finishing 2 pints of whiskey amongst 3 of us.. Needless to say, this deadly decease is progressive of very slow nature. It changes our body cell structures and neurotransmitter balance so that we always want more and more, There is no end to it. It may sound that for few months ,we can enjoy and really stop after 2 bottles of wine.. But it does not stay that way for long. It progresses up wards, never down wards.

2. It takes time to change the associations . As you would have read in many posts, it is a good idea to keep away from drinking buddies and parties, till we can convince ourselves that the real and natural joy comes from the reality of event and not from alcohol. Once, that realization comes, nothing will bother us.. Not even, 100 people drinking around us .

Keep at it. You will succeed.