ThirstForLife

I continue to abuse myself with recklessness. Disregard for life and family. I wanna stop...truely...but in my line of work...its difficult. Let me explain. I am a med tech for hospice patients. I deal with family and patients every single day with 6 months or less to live. And I work 12 hours a day...minimum. I never drink on the job. I love my job but hate it at the same time...I got into it because I want to commit my life to helping people...but yet I cant help myself...how bizarre is that? Its about as twisted as it can get. I see people day in and day out on there last days from vices like smoking, drinking, poor health, weak immune systems, ect... and here I am thinking I am 10 foot tall and bullet proof. Ridiculous!

Dee74

I commend you for your job. My grandmother was in hospice for a long time - the staff there really made an incredible difference to her last days.

It was 20 years ago but I still get choked up with gratitude.

But...if the price you have to pay is all of this - maybe it's time to think about a new job TFL?

D

Nonsensical

Your job sounds very stressful. If you quit your job, but continued to drink, what would your next step be?

2granddaughters

Do you attend meetings, TFL?

All the best.

Bob R

choublak

You may not be drinking ON the job, but the effects of the alcohol are still there.

Anna

Working in a hospice must be a very difficult job, though obviously much appreciated by patients and their families. Maybe it's time to consider a different job, at least for awhile until you get some recovery for yourself?

ThirstForLife

I'm sorry it took this long to respond. For all the questions: No I dont attend meetings. I find time to drink because I am on a 3 on..3 off schedule...12 hours+ a day...basically I work 4 days..48+ hours a week..and usually it runs up around 60 hours. So I have 3 days in a row to do unlimited damage on myself. Its sickening really. I do a few drinks after work but nothing like my days off. I dont think my job and the stress is why I drink to be truthful. I think its because I am single, in my 40's, and come home to an empty house...only to drink, sleep, wake up, work...and repeat. Its a monotonous, empty existence.

2granddaughters

My life was a monotonous, lonely existence too until I committed to AA.

I discovered that if I could find time to drink in the past that I could find time for meetings in the future.

It works for me and it would work for you if you tried it.

All the best.

Bob R

sugarbear1

time to change!

You can stop and stay stopped!!

Glad you found SR!

MythOfSisyphus

I'm only a little older than you, single and also in a stressful job. I can completely understand the difficulty you're having; I had the same problem. All I can say is that you suffer under the same illusion that I used to- that booze was actually helping you deal with the stress. Trust me, it's not helping! It's anesthetizing you to the pain, postponing it, but not really solving it at all. I soooo have been where you are and I can truly understand why you're drinking but I can also say you're fooling yourself.

We all drink as long as we can until something forces us to stop. Maybe there'll be one lucid moment for you when you finally see the fool behind the curtains. We all need something to jar us into seeing the truth, and I hope something jars you.

Peace! I wish you all the best and commend you for the work you do.