Kathy45s

Hello, I need help in understanding my significant other. I feel like I am being neglected. All of his thoughts are focused on the rooms. He has been clean and sober for 23 years now. And I have been in this relationship with him for the past 19 years. I didn't know him when he was using, but now I am starting to feel like I am being pushed aside. He just never seems to want to stay home. If he does stay home, his eyes are glued to the TV or he is sleeping. I just want to have the conversations we used to have. Am I being selfish in wanting him home to just have conversations with him?

FreeFall

If he's been in successful recovery for all the years you've been together, and this is a more recent change maybe something else is going on with him? Mid life crisis? Depression? I know when my boyfriend was out of work he shut down emotionally. Maybe something is bothering him and that's how he's coping.

Do you have other interests outside of the house? Maybe he needs some space if you're home all the time. If you're out doing things there's more to talk about too...

1free1

Some people live recovery. I don't feel this is a bad thing, but I can understand you feeling as you do. Left out neglected. You said you have been with him a long time are you in recovery also? If so or not I would strongly consider Alanon. It's a great program to help you learn to take care of yourself. I learned there that I don't need someone else to make me happy and they taught me to build a life outside my relationship. I became very productive and really had the most confidence ever. I wouldn't demand from him or smother him as this can make someone pull back. Schedule a time with him to sit down and talk. After 23 years in recovery, I would think he knows the importance of talking things out. In a possitive manner let him know you would like more intimate time with him and maybe you can plan a date night once a week where you can focus time on each other. Ask him if there are any of his meeting that you can go also. At some meetings around here Alanons are wellcome to attend with there mate. Recovery can become a serious part of a addicts life and let me tell you it's better than the alternative( him going back out) Also, I believe in prayer and having a God of my understanding If you develop a relationship with a higher power and ask him for help, he will. Love yourselfand go out and have fun. And if no one has told you they love you today, I love you and am here if I can help in anyway.

Brett11

The more you give the more you get...

Do something nice for him in his own way of expressing love...

is he a needs to be talked to guy, a kino guy(touch), gift of love guy, quality time guy, or a do something nice for me guy?