jerect

I see a lot of newbies on here struggling with No Contact and there are a lot of people like me that have gone No Contact but their Ex or soon to be Ex partner doesn't respect their decision to go No contact..

So I thought I would share some of the things that have helped me stick with No Contact..

First of all No Contact is for YOU and not a way to punish or manipulate the addict in your life.. No Contact allowes you to distance yourself from the situation in order for you to move on in a healthy manner.. It's putting the focus back on yourself and off of the addict..

Here is how I enforced No Contact..

Block all forms of communication from your ex; this includes text messages, phone calls, facebook, email and other social media sites.. Most cellular carriers will block a number for you and I know that verizon will allow you to block up to five numbers for free for up to 90 days then you just go back in and block them again.. To block by email, you remove them from your contact list and mark them as spam or if you have ***** you can filter their name so that it will go directly into the spam folder.. If the above doesn't work you can always change your email addy and phone number.. Its a minor inconvenience but sometimes neccessary in order to commit to NC..

Do Not ask mutual friends about how your ex is doing and what he is up too and if friends start involentarily telling you this information then kindly tell them that you wish to change the subject.. after all do you really want to hear that he or she is dating someone new or on another bender..

Do not stalk their Facebook page or any other social media site.. but then again if you blocked them in the first place you wouldn't be able to do this

Do not do drive by's.. meaning dont drive by their home or just happen to show up at their regualar watering hole.. again this is a form of contact and its not helping you move on with your life

If you happen to work with your ex ( this is a tricky one) either ask to be moved to another department or only speak to your ex if it is work related.. anytime your ex starts to bring up your relationship or their personal business.. walk away
If you see your Ex in a public place just turn around and walk the other way.. if they try to approach you just ignore and keep walking.

Remember if you slip up and contact them, dust your hands and keep following the above steps..

The first week of No Contact is hard.. you are withdrawling from your DOC.. so be gentle with yourself and maybe give yourself a small reward for each week that passes that you have successfully achieved No Contact.. Pretty soon you wont be thinking about him or her much at all.. Warning; They will try to contact you again.. trust me, and when that happens you just give them the response that they are not looking for.. SILENCE..

Block and Walk.. If I can do it so can you

LoveMeNow

Great post Jerect. Thank you for sharing! I vote for a sticky!!

Lily1918

I second LMNs sticky vote! Great post.

AnvilheadII

whew, at first I thought you were still asking the question!!! instead you have moved into the solution! (stand down anvil, stand down!)

pianogirl1193

Great post. I agree to add as a sticky! So many people are struggling with the NC thing I think...me included.!

Ann

^^


Anvil, love you girl, you just crack me up.

Block and Walk!!! Love that phrase Jerect!!!

And yes, this will become a smiley once it runs its course here.

Lily1918

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

blackandblue

Thanks jerect- no contact has been challenging although somehow have managed it for 2 months and I don't really have to think about it now. I fortunately did not have to change my number or email and hope that never becomes an issue because it is a major inconvenience for work. But I would if I had to. I think I was not ready to face what no contact meant which is really simple but painful- no contact means no contact. It's part of detachment with love. It's not very fancy or dramatic. It's just going to any measure possible to eliminate any form of contact to maintain serenity and focus on our recovery. It can be for a set amount of time or forever. It's a personal decision and a tough one to make only if and when we are ready. I like your list because it's all the ways we try to skirt no contact. Blessings to all of those thinking about going no contact. It's been a minor miracle for me.