Brett11

Alright i'm new,

I've quit before only for 2 weeks but its always my friends who goat me into drinking... because believe me i've done it to them

But now i know i have to live with alcohol around me, not just pretend i don't interpret it at all... and im willing to take the lumps...

So i've been doing good... until I started seeing a girl... and she's a bartender... but i've liked her for a long time but i don't think i could go cold turkey and still be with her... should i just man up and try it or should i look for a better quality girl?

Dee74

Hi brett - welcome

I found it very hard to be around drinkers when I was trying to get sober.
I also decided to put relationships on the backburner until I got myself together.

there's probably other ways to do it, but I'm glad I chose the way I did. I'm not sure I would have gotten sober any other way.

D

freshstart57

I started by finding a better quality me. Get that part sorted first is my suggestion.

T4texas

Only you can answer that. I successfully got and stayed sober while dating a girl that was an extremely heavy drinker. I was just at a point that I had no interest in drinking. You have to weigh what is most important for your life and not whether you can date her sober or not. And if you talk to her about your desire to stay sober hopefully she will understand and support you. If she doesn't understand or pressures you to do something that you don't want to then it might be time to find another girl that will support what you want for your life. There plenty out there. But again it is your life but make sure you are making the right choice for yourself. Just my two cents.

Also welcome to SR we got your back here and will support you.

coraltint

as a bartender she probably know lots of people who SHOULD quit drinking. if she's supportive of you not boozing...maybe. if she's not, you know the answer.

I agree with freshstart, though, getting & staying sober is gonna take you focusing on you for a while. good luck!!

Brett11

Thank you guys so much! Its unreal how much this is helping me

T4texas

You are welcome. If you would like join us on the Class Of March 2013 thread. There are a ton of supportive people there who have helped me immensely and will do the same for you.

Brett11

Awesome! Ya I'll check it out

ClearLight

Ahhh - as an ex-bartender this phrase jumped out at me.
If you don't think she's the best "quality" girl then do HER a favor and leave her alone.
That's got nothing to do with being sober - that's got to do with being a real man and realizing you're no better than her.

Brett11

1st off i gotta say sorry Clearlight... i didn't mean shes poor quality(especially not because of the bartender thing), i meant that i'm in her boat(she's a big drinker too). And there will definitely be some temptations and urges being around and with her vs someone who already doesn't drink.

Michael66

Hi Brett

I would say the quality of a person is who they are deep down - not what job they have or how they are living at a particular time. As you find your own worth and value, you'll more easily see the worth, value, quality, and inherent dignity in others.

How about asking her and your friends if any of them want to join you giving up? Maybe one or more will join you and you can do some different things together.

ClearLight

Brett-

I might have come off a little harsh there.

Congratulations about doing something about alcohol in your life. That's why I'm here too.

Good luck with that - I hope you find the right girl that will support you in a sober life.

Fandy

The poor choice of phrase "better quality girl" jumped out at me too.
She is a woman not a girl. And perhaps she is looking for a better quality MAN who who does not have preconceived ideas about her?
And i think Michael presents a great idea, but if you really want to stop drinking, you might have to focus on yourself.
Welcome to SR and congrats on stopping.

trachemys

I can see that being a problem. He job, her friends, all temptation all the time.

soberlicious

LOL the "better quality girl" thing was like...what, WHAT?! but I won't bust your chops because I see you've addressed that.

Think about the things you have in common with her? Are they things you can build a friendship/relationship on? Does her life revolve around the bar or does she just work and leave?