How to Act Around Someone in Treatment
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 3
How to Act Around Someone in Treatment
Hello all. I just need advice on how to deal with my A/DAH.
He's currently seeking addictions treatment in an outpatient setting. He's been going for two weeks now.
Every single day, he gets really angry and verbally abuses me. Then a few minutes later, he's back to being nice. Today, he said something about wanting to kill himself because he might relapse. He thinks he can't get rid of the addictions. Then he says I should leave him the hell alone but then a minute later he'll say he doesn't want me to leave. He will say he wants me to move out so he can miss me and come after me. He's expecting me to shack up in a hotel but for how long? I told him I'll have to get an apartment and he hates the idea so now he doesn't want me to leave. It's so confusing.
Is this normal behavior? Any advice? I really don't know what to expect during the first few weeks of treatment.
I don't know what to do. I'm not sure if me saying "I believe you can do this!" helps at all.
Thanks.
He's currently seeking addictions treatment in an outpatient setting. He's been going for two weeks now.
Every single day, he gets really angry and verbally abuses me. Then a few minutes later, he's back to being nice. Today, he said something about wanting to kill himself because he might relapse. He thinks he can't get rid of the addictions. Then he says I should leave him the hell alone but then a minute later he'll say he doesn't want me to leave. He will say he wants me to move out so he can miss me and come after me. He's expecting me to shack up in a hotel but for how long? I told him I'll have to get an apartment and he hates the idea so now he doesn't want me to leave. It's so confusing.
Is this normal behavior? Any advice? I really don't know what to expect during the first few weeks of treatment.
I don't know what to do. I'm not sure if me saying "I believe you can do this!" helps at all.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
When my husband was in inpatient rehab, I was still able to visit him. The first several weeks were especially hard for him. My husbands main drug was pain pills, but he also used benzo's (xanax) and some cocaine. The Benzo in particular left him with mood swings. Each drug has different effects, so you might just do a google search and see what withdrawal is like. My husband wasnt able to handle stress very well at first and had a lot of anxiety. So small things could just be too much for him to handle and it would be noticable.
When mine was in rehab, I started working with a therapist. That was a huge help to me on many levels. If your husband is in outpatient, it is very likely they also have support for family members, family sessions, or can recommend support groups compatible with his program method.
I also tried to be supportive, and say encouraging things. My husband said it did help him, at a minimum he at least knew i cared and was trying. But I think it depends on the persons emotional state, etc. Sometimes what we say might just be viewed as pressure, etc. I think that is something you have to judge by the response you see coming back, or maybe a conversation about the topic when he is up to it.
When mine was in rehab, I started working with a therapist. That was a huge help to me on many levels. If your husband is in outpatient, it is very likely they also have support for family members, family sessions, or can recommend support groups compatible with his program method.
I also tried to be supportive, and say encouraging things. My husband said it did help him, at a minimum he at least knew i cared and was trying. But I think it depends on the persons emotional state, etc. Sometimes what we say might just be viewed as pressure, etc. I think that is something you have to judge by the response you see coming back, or maybe a conversation about the topic when he is up to it.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Ferndale, Wa.
Posts: 68
Hi Hermione
I was just in treatment well 7 months ago. And I just wanted to add one more reason he is having a hard time,P.A.W. post acute withdrawl. You might google it. I had it for a few months,and it sounds alot like him. Just a thought
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Their emotions are all over the place when they first put down the drug. It doesn't excuse his behaviour, but I wouldn't try to make any sense of it, instead just protect yourself from verbal abuse. And be careful it doesn't escalate to physical.
Make a plan for when he starts these tirades, go for a walk or for a coffee, take the car and drive to a meeting for you.
Abuse of any kind is not acceptable. Recovery or not, there is no excuse.
Take care of yourself.
Hugs
Make a plan for when he starts these tirades, go for a walk or for a coffee, take the car and drive to a meeting for you.
Abuse of any kind is not acceptable. Recovery or not, there is no excuse.
Take care of yourself.
Hugs
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
I lived in a Recovery Home for Alcoholic Women my first 3 months into recovery.
There were 15 women total.
Let me tell you that to this day I do not understand how we did NOT kill each other, lol
The ups and downs in early recovery are horrible.
For me it took almost 6 months before my mind didn't feel like it was just mush and the fog was gone.
Ann said it perfectly. Yes he is confused and bewildered and doesn't know if he is coming or going, BUT that doesn't mean his verbal abuse is okay. It is your right to be able to say to him:
"If cannot say something nice then do NOT say anything at all. I will not tolerate your verbal abuse. If you don't like what I just said, go talk to your sponsor, counselor, etc."
Are you attending Alanon or Naranon and/or have a counselor of your own? One of those will help you to 'deal' with his early recovery.
Keep posting as we do care about you!
Love and hugs,
There were 15 women total.
Let me tell you that to this day I do not understand how we did NOT kill each other, lol
The ups and downs in early recovery are horrible.
For me it took almost 6 months before my mind didn't feel like it was just mush and the fog was gone.
Ann said it perfectly. Yes he is confused and bewildered and doesn't know if he is coming or going, BUT that doesn't mean his verbal abuse is okay. It is your right to be able to say to him:
"If cannot say something nice then do NOT say anything at all. I will not tolerate your verbal abuse. If you don't like what I just said, go talk to your sponsor, counselor, etc."
Are you attending Alanon or Naranon and/or have a counselor of your own? One of those will help you to 'deal' with his early recovery.
Keep posting as we do care about you!
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Cleveland
Posts: 26
My advice would be to act normally. Tell him how you feel. Do not act, be yourself. Try Al Anon. They have great literature. They teach you that you are responsible for yourself, and cannot control the other person's behavior. It is their decision. You can be supportive, but you cannot change them
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 3
Thank you all for the replies.
Yes, I've been going to Alanon but the face-to-face meetings are limited around my area so I usually attend meetings online. They've been helpful so far.
He makes a big deal out of petty things. He gets angry over the littlest issues and takes it out on me. He went on another tirade after his treatment class last night and I told him he needs to talk to his counselor about this issues and I went upstairs to the bedroom.
I really hope this is just a phase. I'm scared it might escalate to physical abuse. He already hit me before.
Yes, I've been going to Alanon but the face-to-face meetings are limited around my area so I usually attend meetings online. They've been helpful so far.
He makes a big deal out of petty things. He gets angry over the littlest issues and takes it out on me. He went on another tirade after his treatment class last night and I told him he needs to talk to his counselor about this issues and I went upstairs to the bedroom.
I really hope this is just a phase. I'm scared it might escalate to physical abuse. He already hit me before.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Originally Posted by Hermione 
I really hope this is just a phase. I'm scared it might escalate to physical abuse. He already hit me before.
Have some money tucked aside and the phone number and address of a shelter with you at all times. Having a plan, whether you use it or not, can empower you and take away the helpless feeling.
My heart and prayers go out for you, this must be very distressing.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Welcome to SR.......although I'm sorry for the reason that brings you here.
The most important thing we talk about here on SR is taking care of ourselves first and foremost. Make sure you are safe. If you are afraid of him, removing yourself from the situation may be a good idea. Perhaps a women's shelter in your area could assist you with temporary housing and a safe place to be.
Take care of you.
gentle hugs
ke
The most important thing we talk about here on SR is taking care of ourselves first and foremost. Make sure you are safe. If you are afraid of him, removing yourself from the situation may be a good idea. Perhaps a women's shelter in your area could assist you with temporary housing and a safe place to be.
Take care of you.
gentle hugs
ke
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
I'm scared it might escalate to physical abuse. He already hit me before.
That way if it looks or feels like he is going to go physical you can get out of the house and away quickly! Then when out and a mile or two away, pull over and call the DV shelter. They will give you directions as to where they are. Go there, park your car in the back if possible and go inside. They will give emergency shelter, they will give you counseling, help with legal if needed and help in finding a new place to live. They have all sorts of help available.
Please keep yourself SAFE. Mental, verbal, and physical abuse are not to be tolerated, they are NOT acceptable.
Have you talked to any of the women you do know in Alanon, telling them your 'fears.' They may have some suggestions on how you can keep yourself SAFE.
Please keep posting here and let us know how you are doing as we do care so very much!
Love and hugs,
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 3
I can rush to my friend's apartment if things go awry. I'm not looking forward to tonight because he doesn't have his treatment class and both of us will be home.
It doesnt help that we work for the same company, but in different departments and we carpool to work. I don't want to go away tonight because he might cause a scene in my office the next day.
I can't get a hold of his parents either. They know what's going on but they don't know anything about the recent events (verbal abuse and the threats) that took place.
It doesnt help that we work for the same company, but in different departments and we carpool to work. I don't want to go away tonight because he might cause a scene in my office the next day.
I can't get a hold of his parents either. They know what's going on but they don't know anything about the recent events (verbal abuse and the threats) that took place.
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