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Hello! I'm new here and I'm an alcoholic.

Old 03-11-2013, 11:41 PM
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Hello! I'm new here and I'm an alcoholic.

I have been trying to stop drinking on and off again for the past 4 years. I have even had some success here and there. I'll stop for a few weeks or even a few months, but I always relapse and go back to drinking again, often heavier than before. I also snort percoset (I figure it's best to be completely honest here) when I can get it, which luckily is not very often. I quit doing illegal drugs (meth and weed) completely 2 and half years ago, so I am proud of myself for that, but I still have that same addictive OCD behavior, only it is channeled into something else. I am so freaking sick of my behavior, I don't want to be addicted anymore! I don't know if I can ever be completely free of my addictive personality, but maybe I can channel my addictive behavior into something that is not destructive like coffee or exercise or work or something.

I would label myself as a functional alcoholic. I have a job, I go to school full time (online), and I meet most of my day to day obligations, but just barely. I have had to drop classes because I've fallen so far behind, and I have called in to work a few times because I got drunk, but I haven't f@#$ed things up completely. Some weekends I just sit around and drink all day long. I am so lazy on days like that, I don't get anything done. I could be doing a lot better. I want to do better. I am also a Christian, and so it weighs heavily on my conscious as well, and I fell like a major hypocrite. I would like to get involved in a church or some sort of group, but because I drink so much I feel embarrassed to go. Drinking holds me back from doing so many things that I want to do.

I don't know what I'm expecting here, but I wanted to reach out to someone. I'm hoping that talking to people who have overcome similar problems will encourage me to finally put this addiction to rest. I will contemplate and consider all suggestions and advice. If you can provide me with links to things I should read I will read them.
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Old 03-11-2013, 11:47 PM
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Welcome John!

Have you thought about AA or NA?

If you have an aversion to those programs, look at Rational Recovery

Last edited by Dee74; 03-11-2013 at 11:58 PM. Reason: commercial link removed
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Old 03-11-2013, 11:49 PM
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sounds familiar John... And knowing the Lord is always there helps those of us who share our Faith You'll be just fine.. you made the first right step
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Old 03-11-2013, 11:56 PM
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Welcome John. I've been trying to quit for about 4 years myself. Longest period of sobriety was a year and a half, followed by my latest 2 year drinking run. Now I'm starting over again and on day 15. This time, I really truly want to quit.

I consider myself a functional alcoholic as well, and can relate. While my drinking hasn't put my job in jeopardy I have called in sick because I was hungover and. I know my work production isn't as high when I drink the night before. So at some point, if I don't stop, it will affect my job.

I too used to just drink all day on the weekends, especially during football season. I loved my Sundays of football and beer. Hated the Monday hangover and the eating bad greasy food to make myself feel better.

Don't know if I have specific advice, but if you want to quit, seek help. This site is great, and I know many people find AA very helpful as well.

We all have the power to quit. For me, I had to accept that the only thing I have control over is whether or not I drink. If I choose alcohol, then alcohol controls me.
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Old 03-12-2013, 12:04 AM
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Hi and welcome John

I drank for as long as I got get away with it - the trouble is looking back I really didn't get away with it for the last few years....my functionality was progressively more and more only in my mind.

I lost a lot - jobs, relationships, respect, dignity...the earlier you decide to change things the less you'll lose John.

D
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Old 03-25-2013, 07:33 PM
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Originally Posted by Coldfusion View Post
Welcome John!

Have you thought about AA or NA?

If you have an aversion to those programs, look at Rational Recovery

I have actually been thinking about going lately. I used to hate the idea of it, but I think it would be good to talk to other people who have the same problem. The only problem is that I live in a small town and there is no AA groups that I know of. I can drive to Reno, but I am also poor and it's hard to afford the gas.
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Old 03-25-2013, 07:37 PM
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Originally Posted by BarrysMama View Post
sounds familiar John... And knowing the Lord is always there helps those of us who share our Faith You'll be just fine.. you made the first right step
I appreciate your confidence in thinking that I will be just fine. I am not so confident. I hope you are right. I was brought up going to church every Sunday, and I'm not even absolutely sure when I became a believer, but I often wonder. How can I consider myself a Christian and habitually do these things that I know to be wrong?
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Old 03-25-2013, 07:45 PM
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Originally Posted by SoberKat9 View Post
Welcome John. I've been trying to quit for about 4 years myself. Longest period of sobriety was a year and a half, followed by my latest 2 year drinking run. Now I'm starting over again and on day 15. This time, I really truly want to quit.

I consider myself a functional alcoholic as well, and can relate. While my drinking hasn't put my job in jeopardy I have called in sick because I was hungover and. I know my work production isn't as high when I drink the night before. So at some point, if I don't stop, it will affect my job.

I too used to just drink all day on the weekends, especially during football season. I loved my Sundays of football and beer. Hated the Monday hangover and the eating bad greasy food to make myself feel better.

Don't know if I have specific advice, but if you want to quit, seek help. This site is great, and I know many people find AA very helpful as well.

We all have the power to quit. For me, I had to accept that the only thing I have control over is whether or not I drink. If I choose alcohol, then alcohol controls me.
It's so cool to know that there are people that are going through the same thing as me! Day 15, (must be day 25 by now, sorry I took so long to reply) that is good!

Are you trying to quit forever? Do you think that is the only way? I sometimes have an issue with thinking that I will never drink again. I'm not sure if I want to quit forever. I would like to be able to drink on certain occasions that call for celebration, I just don't want to drink habitually every day. Is that just wishful thinking? In your experience, is it possible for an alcoholic to drink in very strict moderation?
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Old 03-25-2013, 07:50 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
Hi and welcome John

I drank for as long as I got get away with it - the trouble is looking back I really didn't get away with it for the last few years....my functionality was progressively more and more only in my mind.

I lost a lot - jobs, relationships, respect, dignity...the earlier you decide to change things the less you'll lose John.

D
Thank you. I don't like to lose respect, dignity, etc. I am overweight and have now developed an obvious "beer-belly". I hate it. I feel like it just shouts my alcoholism to the world. Plus, I guess I am more vain than I thought, because I hate the way my body looks, and I have to admit that this is a huge motivation for me to quit. It's disgraceful.
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Old 03-25-2013, 08:10 PM
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Hi John, if you truly believe that you are an alcoholic, sorry but there is no way to drink in a strict manner for long. I was clean for 3 yrs. I started dating a man who drank everyday. I've never seen him drunk, but everything we did involved drinking. I 'tried' to be a social drinker. I lasted 6 months without having a drink! I thought 'surely' I must be cured! Needless to say I was wrong. For the last two months of our 10 month relationship I drank everyday and I couldn't stop. I was hiding it from him and he broke up with me because of my bizzarre behavior in the evenings. I ended going to rehab for 10'days and he wants nothing to do with me because he is scared to be responsible for a relapse.. He was a good man, someone I thought that I would marry, and I screwed it ALL up with my drinking. Now I have to stay sober( which I am he'll bent on) and deal with a shattered heart caused by MY DRINKING!!! Please don't lose anything that you don't have to due to alcohol. It's not a good feeling at all. This will be the hardest thing for me to get over. I hope that my story will help you to make a decision that could save you a lot of heartache. I just care!!!
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Old 03-25-2013, 08:32 PM
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Hi John
Based on this thread you and I had / have a lot in common.
I also was a "functional alcoholic", worked, was over weight (wine belly in my case), Christian, felt like a huge hypocrite and tried a few times to quit.

SR has been my main tool for quitting. I could not go to rehab I had a family to run and work to do.

I am 7 and a bit months sober. I am slowly reintroducing myself and my kids back to my old church. I have lost weight and achieved some personal goals involving exercise. This is my next focus.

Exercise and SR chat and SR forums , lots of herbal tea, reading recovery books, continue to help me stay sober. Reading AVRT helped in the early days as well.

Living life sober continues to be challenging. Heck I have emotions I have to deal with every day.

Good Luck.

Your not alone.

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Old 03-25-2013, 11:51 PM
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Originally Posted by JohnYEC View Post
It's so cool to know that there are people that are going through the same thing as me! Day 15, (must be day 25 by now, sorry I took so long to reply) that is good!

Are you trying to quit forever? Do you think that is the only way? I sometimes have an issue with thinking that I will never drink again. I'm not sure if I want to quit forever. I would like to be able to drink on certain occasions that call for celebration, I just don't want to drink habitually every day. Is that just wishful thinking? In your experience, is it possible for an alcoholic to drink in very strict moderation?
John, I think most alcoholics all wish we could be moderate drinkers. I had a year and a half of sobriety and my life was so great then. I was the thinnest and healthiest I had ever been, and was just happy. But I thought that I could control my drinking better than I thought since I had just decided to quit one day and do it.

It wasn't long before old patterns came back. Truth is, I can't moderate. I'm an alcoholic and abstinence is the best thing for me.

I don't try to overwhelm myself by thinking about forever. I just am taking it a day at a time. Each day I don't drink is a win. Tomorrow I will hit Day 30. :-)
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Old 03-26-2013, 01:55 AM
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I tried to moderate my drinking over and over but always failed. I found it was easier to give it up altogether. I gave it up for good over three years ago and my life has never been better... and I thought I was a hopeless drunk... but I was wrong - I wasn't hopeless. Neither are you.
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Old 04-03-2013, 02:18 AM
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Originally Posted by Cc77 View Post
Hi John, if you truly believe that you are an alcoholic, sorry but there is no way to drink in a strict manner for long. I was clean for 3 yrs. I started dating a man who drank everyday. I've never seen him drunk, but everything we did involved drinking. I 'tried' to be a social drinker. I lasted 6 months without having a drink! I thought 'surely' I must be cured! Needless to say I was wrong. For the last two months of our 10 month relationship I drank everyday and I couldn't stop. I was hiding it from him and he broke up with me because of my bizzarre behavior in the evenings. I ended going to rehab for 10'days and he wants nothing to do with me because he is scared to be responsible for a relapse.. He was a good man, someone I thought that I would marry, and I screwed it ALL up with my drinking. Now I have to stay sober( which I am he'll bent on) and deal with a shattered heart caused by MY DRINKING!!! Please don't lose anything that you don't have to due to alcohol. It's not a good feeling at all. This will be the hardest thing for me to get over. I hope that my story will help you to make a decision that could save you a lot of heartache. I just care!!!
I was afraid of that. I know in my heart that you are right. I have tried drinking in moderation as well, and I have had some success, but like you said, only for a while. I just went 3 days without a drink, but I caved yesterday...and today. Anyways, I am thankful for what you have shared. The only reason I even quit for 3 days is because of this forum. I need to visit more often. I also need to get into an AA group or something. I have been talking to an old friend on facebook (we have become very close, and have even talked about marriage), and she is coming to visit in August, and I do not want to f*** things up by being a drunk slob. If I'm gonna f*** things up, I want to do it sober!
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Old 04-03-2013, 02:24 AM
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Originally Posted by LSC1 View Post
Hi John
Based on this thread you and I had / have a lot in common.
I also was a "functional alcoholic", worked, was over weight (wine belly in my case), Christian, felt like a huge hypocrite and tried a few times to quit.

SR has been my main tool for quitting. I could not go to rehab I had a family to run and work to do.

I am 7 and a bit months sober. I am slowly reintroducing myself and my kids back to my old church. I have lost weight and achieved some personal goals involving exercise. This is my next focus.

Exercise and SR chat and SR forums , lots of herbal tea, reading recovery books, continue to help me stay sober. Reading AVRT helped in the early days as well.

Living life sober continues to be challenging. Heck I have emotions I have to deal with every day.

Good Luck.

Your not alone.

Thank you for sharing!
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Old 04-03-2013, 03:08 AM
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John,

I have said this before. Functional is not a type of alcoholism, it is a stage of alcoholism.
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Old 04-03-2013, 03:55 AM
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Hello. Well, I drank again last night. Same oh same o. Got drunk, ate everything I could get my hands on, woke up when I fell out of bed. Feel terrible.

I feel so hopeless. I have been in and out of AA, been to rehab, and still I go back to drinking. What is it with me? Why cant I stop for good?

Please don't scold. I feel so bad already. I know what to do. Just don't drink. Go back to AA. Just feel so discouraged.

Needhelptoquit
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Old 04-03-2013, 04:35 AM
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When I was having a very hard time stopping someone gave me two suggestions that helped a lot. Instead of thinking of drinking think of NOT DRINKING, in other words think of anything else.
Remember by not picking up that first drink we NEVER have to get sober again!
Someone else suggested eating/drinking some sweets and try flooding our stomach with water as we may be thirsty at a particular time period. BE WELL
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Old 04-03-2013, 07:35 AM
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Welcome aboard John, we all hear you, we've all been there. You've come to the right place. Good on you for deciding to make your life better. Good luck and keep posting. Love your honesty, no room for BS here!
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Old 04-03-2013, 07:46 AM
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Originally Posted by JohnYEC View Post
I have actually been thinking about going lately. I used to hate the idea of it, but I think it would be good to talk to other people who have the same problem. The only problem is that I live in a small town and there is no AA groups that I know of. I can drive to Reno, but I am also poor and it's hard to afford the gas.
John, you can afford alcohol/drugs and you can't afford gas to get to a meeting?

The meetings will get you clean/sober so you won't be poor anymore.

All the best, good to meet you.

Bob R
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