Weasel1966

I am learning a lot about me. I guess in learning about addiction I cannot help but be pragmatic about myself. Doubt is what I needed to address the most.

Can I stay sober?

Can I make it through the weekend without crack?

Will I make it to work on Monday?

Very real questions I had to figure out just how to answer them. Ambiguous answers meant I was in trouble. Yet I cannot say that I have certainty. That would be arrogant. But yet it's almost necessary if I want to remain sober. Kind of a paradox that I think addicts have.

How much doubt can I have before the balance is not in my favor anymore? It used to be a sliding scale. Less these day.

I can remain fairly certain that barring any catastrophe I will not drink today. It has been a while since that was in doubt.

I can see it a mile away. When people post... Or at a meeting... When that ring in their words ... when there is an exclamation point of doubt at the end. That's when I react. I post support or try to speak with them after the meeting.

Doubt is the root of my alcoholism and drug addiction. It's what started the whole mess. The more I doubted that I was a good person. That I deserved anything from life. That I was lovable or heck, I would settle for somewhat likable. I doubted so many things that I left myself with nothing certain enough to live life without the back support of drinking. I always considered myself a pretty honest person... Just apparently not with myself.

I won't let doubt be a sliding scale. Certainty is a proactive way to see my life. It's action based while doubt paralyzes me. Coming to accept at what level I have allowed my life to collapse requires a level of certainty to see and fix.

I am certain I am an alcoholic.

I am certain I am a drug addict.

I am certain that I cannot have one... Snort... Puff...drink... And I doubt I will ever again!

mecanix

Certainly not drinking today and i doubt if i will drink tomorow, next week or next month , i remain ever vigilant though ,

Bestwishes, M

Nonsensical

You are certainly likable.

MeSoSober

I think it's about believing that you CAN, not being certain that you WILL.

You CAN!

(mecanix, "vigilant" or some form thereof, is a word I've used many times with regard to my future sobriety--I know I have to remain ever-vigilant!)

escapist

I am certain that I have finally had enough. Took me too long to get here but I am not moving an inch. Sometimes, I just feel like crying. It is like narrowly escaping death. Like jumping from a car that has no brakes just seconds before it flies over a cliff.

Michael66

It's a tricky balance isn't it, between certainty of commitment and over-confidence.

What was important for me this time around was getting really comfortable with the idea that the rest of my life will be sober and that I will do anything required never to drink again. It took me a long time to reach the point that I was comfortable knowing and saying that - saying a real goodbye to alcohol for ever, no ifs, no buts. Now, though, I'm more than comfortable saying it - I am positively happy to say it and it's become an important part of my identity and future planning. The odd thing is what now makes me very happy to commit to now was extremely unappealing 12 months ago.

My 1 year comes up next month and I'm really looking forward to signing a lifetime sobriety pledge then (the organisation, the Pioneer Total Abstinence Association, requires 12 months sobriety before making a lifetime pledge).