too honest

I need help! I want the man I thought I had fallen in love with back!

This is eating me up inside I have tried to go to a physiatrist- the guy asked me very vague questions and filled out a box on his computer and told me to come back in 5 weeks I had already waited 5 to see him.

my savings are dwindling away and I believe he is lying to me about other woman I have zero friends which was the same before I met him and I'm living with him

I need to see what person he really is the one who cares for me so deeply or the one who has total power over me

I feel so messed up he has said several times that I'm crazy and of corse I must be as I have no friends and I'm living with two oxy addicts (his flatmate is one too)

He went on the methadone program today but this evening he told me he still wants to do Oxys once a week on top of that??? I haven't got a strong enough argument to say you shouldn't do that!

we talk about having a child and at times it's nice to dream and he has said that if he had a boy he would fly straight he has a 10 year old girl who he sees every other weekend

I am in 20 minds about what to do as every option seems to have a negative outcome I want him in my life forever I love him so so much but I don't want to be with him because I don't trust him! but I want to trust him! there is no real evidence he is cheating on me just flirty texts I have been burned before by every man I have loved

I am wanting to stop going out drinking on weekends and get heathy and go hiking. but this environment I'm in....it's really hard to do it I also fear not being around him I case he's cheating on me he IS right I AM crazy!

He's so intelligent funny kind caring but he can be so distant and ambivalent

I don't know what to do I look at people on here and (I find it hard to navigate around the site) my story doesn't seem to fit most I feel it's me that's the problem for the larger part with my trust issues

I feel completely worthless just a few weeks ago I lost control of myself and punched myself in the head I had a couple of minor bruises on my face and went to work and someone noticed (how embarrassing and childish!)
I want to kill myself at times but the thought of hurting my family stops me but something's gotta change right?

I'm scared about putting this up as I think, it's my own fault and I've only been with him for 10 months and I think people will just think I am a stupid woman and that you all have REAL problems because you have been with these people for longer and have had family's with them but I hope that there's someone out there that can give me some advice

Thanks for reading
Too honest

shinebright7

((hugs)) You are in the right place, Too Honest. Your man and his flatmate are addicted to pills from what you say and when others are around addicts, we cannot help but be affected. They call this a family disease for that reason -- it affects everyone they are in contact with.

Have you heard of Al Anon? It's a support group for people with loved ones who are alcoholics or addicts. I would suggest looking for a meeting in your area. They are free and there are people there who will listen to you and help you focus on ways that you can take care of yourself in this situation.

We all start out wanting our loved one to stop using whatever they're using. But soon we start finding out that the more we try to stop them or control them, or wish they would do things differently, the crazier and more sick and frustrated and angry we become and it starts eating us up.

Trust issues? They are rampant amongst us who are dealing with addicts. You are not alone in that at all.

Read some of the STICKIES at the top of the Family & Friends of Substance Abusers section. They will give you some insight.

Your problems are just as REAL as anyone else's hun. You're going through what you're going through and it hurts and it sucks and I can tell you want some help -- that's why you're here.

So stick around. Keep coming back. Check into Al Anon meetings near you. Read some other threads around here because the people here are AMAZING and know so much. They've been through what we're going through and really want to help. xo

EverHopeful721

"we talk about having a child and at times it's nice to dream and he has said that if he had a boy he would fly straight he has a 10 year old girl who he sees every other weekend"

The above statement just stuck out at me....why would he be willing to fly straight for a son, but not for the daughter he already has?

Aside from that, don't feel that you don't belong here. You say you've only been with him for 10 months, and that others have been with their addicted loved ones for much longer. I understand where you're coming from - I felt the same way. I was 'involved' with mine for 16 months, but he would never even commit to me. So I also felt very out of place, as if I had 'no right' to be here and share/post, because I couldn't even call him my boyfriend. But shinebright is right - no matter what our circumstances, we all love our addicts and are suffering. This is a great place. I haven't even been here a week yet, but have gotten a lot of amazing advice and support. Keep coming back.

allforcnm

Im very sorry for all you are going through. I think your top priority right now needs to be your own health. Its a great idea to get out and go hiking, do things that YOU enjoy. I don’t think anyone here can say with certainty what your boyfriend is up to, but I always tend to go with my instincts in situations like that. I also think it is great you reached out to a therapist. But it seems like a long time to wait for a follow up appointment. Perhaps try finding an appointment with someone different, and explain that you need to see someone ASAP ? There are many resources available to friends and family of those with addictions. Shinebright had a great suggestion to look up local Family Meetings in your area, they are usually readily available, and meeting others face to face might make you feel less isolated. If your boyfriend is working a methadone program from a doctor or local clinic, they might also be able to provide you with resources for family and friends. And you can always keep posting here… open 24/7 and all who care about someone with an addiction are welcome

too honest

Thanks to the three of you it's nice to know someone cares
I looked up al anon groups but it looks like they only for people with alcoholic abusers
am also wondering if you think I should give it a go? Stay with him and try to be there for him?

It seems a common thing on here that addicts need to hit rock bottom before they change is this true for EVERY case? He has told me he plans on using for the rest of his life and that it's not that big of a deal but to me it seems unsustainable

Thanks for the love it's nice to be able to share my story and not be judged

shinebright7

I go to al anon and my hubby mostly uses pills and other substances, so it's okay to go to al anon if you're dealing with an addict vs. an alcoholic.

If he is planning on using for the rest of his life, then you need to ask yourself if that's the kind of life you want for yourself...living with an active addict is no day in the park as you're already seeing. And if he is definitely not going to get help then that is good information for you to know so you can make a decision about whats' best for you.

One thing is that since addiction/alcoholism is a progressive disease, it is not going to get better without him being in serious recovery. It is only going to get worse. Something to think about... xo

EverHopeful721

I agree with shinebright. If he's telling you right up front that he plans on using for the rest of his life, well look at how things have been with him so far and imagine them only getting worse and worse. As much as I thought I wanted to hold onto my addict no matter what, in the last week I've done some reflecting on what my life would be like if I did. I don't think he'll ever be able to give up the drugs and alcohol and I honestly don't know that he would ever even care to. He's been using since he was a teenager, comes from a family of alcoholics/addicts, had a VERY dysfunctional uprbringing, a really bad childhood, lots of humiliation and being picked on, etc. And I think in order to ever give up drugs and alcohol for good he would have to be willing to work on all the reasons WHY he's using them. And I doubt he will ever do that - I've already asked him if he would ever be willing to talk to someone professionally and he said no. He's 41, active addiction is working for him (probably looks at it as the only thing that helps to ease the pain) and I see nothing but more of the same in his future. And then more. And then more. So please think about whether or not you really want that for your future. You deserve to be happy.