Wilting

Sorry for the multitudinous posts. Here's the deal

I live with my grandmother, and have for the last couple of months (apart from these I haven't lived at home for 13 years)

Last week she had a "turn", and we just got news that it was a stroke.
I'm a mess. I'm a mess and I don't k ow what to do. I will definitely not drink, as that will not help anything. But I have no idea what to do. I almost wish I hadn't told everyone I wasn't going to drink, so I could drink. But I know I can't, and I know I won't, and therefore I have o idea how to cope.

Dee74

You drinking won't help your grandmother wilting.

Lifes hard to deal with sometimes, and this would be hard even if you weren't an alcoholic but I'm guessing your family and especially your grandmother needs you to 'be there' right now.

Stress and worry are painful things - they're uncomfortable - but you have the capacity to deal with them - we all do...try not to freak yourself out more by the fear of dealing with them...y'know?

We deal...we just do - we get through it

Here's hoping for a full recovery for your grandmother...and remember you have support here always...you're not alone

D

LDT

I am so sorry to hear of your news. But I am happy to hear you won't drink because of it. For me, the best way to deal with stressful situations is to go straight through it to the other side....feel all the feelings....don't avoid them.....don't mask them.....and reach out to those around you....come here and post as often as you need to. Someone is always willing to listen. You are not alone.

Delilah1

I am sorry about your grandma, I will keep you both in my prayers.

quitforme79

When I was drinking, I used bad news as permission to let me drink even more. In that way, I made it all about me. I understand this must be very hard for you and I hope your grandmother makes a good and speedy recovery. Now that you are sober you will be readily available to be supportive of her and other family members. That's a wonderful thing and be proud of that!

trachemys

Serendipity, Wilted, Serendipity.

Serendipity means a "happy accident"; specifically, the accident of finding something good or useful while not specifically searching for it.

You have arrived at sobriety at just the moment in time that a loved one is going to need you the most.

fini

wilted,
yeah, when i quit drinking i had no idea how to cope, really, either.
as if drinking had been coping!

you know, nobody really "knows" how to do things exactly "right" when there's stuff like this going on, so don't fall into the trap of thinking others know and sail through.
you can do this. one moment at a time. you know you're not going to drink, and that's great.
keeping my eye on sobriety as job one and doing the next appropriate thing with/for those around me was the only way to go.
keep going, keep talking, keep going.

Obladi

Wilting, I'm with fini on this - you don't need to know what to do. You just do the next right thing.

Back in the day when I felt completely worthless, I think a big part of that was feeling that I didn't know what I was "supposed" to do or how I was "supposed" to be. I thought if I knew these secrets, I would be right with the world and everything would fall into place. In retrrospect, I'm sure I also believed subconsciously that if I knew these things that I would be able to make things more right in the world around me.

Fact is, there is very little we can control that is external to us. Pretty much all we can control is our reactions to what we observe and perceive.

Be there.
Be ready to be helpful.
Look for moments when you can do something, no matter how "small" it may seem.
And allow yourself to be pleased that you could do those things.
That's what you should do.

Marcher13

Wilting be glad you told us because now we can support you, and we do. We can't be there to help you with your grandma but we can support you as you help your grandma. Remember to breathe, nice and deeply.

YouRmySunshine

My Prayers are with your grandmother & you right now. But if ever you should use that fight instinct that we really have as addicts, Use it now to be that strong person your Grandmother needs right now!
Facts are:
You will be so happy knowing you could be there for her. And grateful for the time you have left with her -SOBER & remembering.

You will be so sad & mad at yourself if you drink & can't be of any help to her or worse a burden or a worry to her because you knows your still drinking.

Again, Prayers.

chuwantmybuffet

I recommend that you see the positive in this situation. Your wording was a little vague so I don't know if your grandmother is sick or passed away, sorry to be bold. But a word of advice, if I can do it all over again, I would have never used opiates to get through my Grandfathers death because that was the longest and horrible 2 years of my life. Especially since I had to watch him die. The best thing you can do is take care of your grandmother and help her as much as possible. If she passed away (sorry) just remember the good times, remember how she impacted your life and make your life a tribute to hers to stay clean because you know damn well she wouldnt want you drinking or using.
Best of luck, Life goes on, your in all of our prayers.

Wilting

Thank you so much everyone. I did not have a drink, even though others around me were, because, it's true, that would have been the worst I could do. She is in hospital and she needs me to be strong and take care of her, as well as myself and the animals. I can't tell you how much I appreciate your thoughts and prayers for her. I am so glad to have found this place. <3 much love to all of you, and I hope you're all doing well, and feeling good in yourselves.

BabyJane

Good job. You're really strong and you should be proud of yourself. I hope your grandmother is comfortable and happy while she lives out this part of her life. We will all be there someday. She has her family around her - that's what we all wish for when the day comes. Celebrate life and let her know all the things she had meant to you. Hold her hand. Bring her water. Play a song for her. Whatever she likes. She is blessed to have you and it is a blessing that you're sober!

Wilting

Hi everyone. Just wanted to update you all. It was apparently a very minor stroke, and she can still function completely normally, bar a bit of spaciness which is to be expected after the ordeal. I am going to make sure to do all I can for her (which is hard because she is very independent and strong) Thank you so much again for your kind words and thoughts. And thank you for reminding me to not make it about myself by drinking. It's time to stop feeling sorry for myself and be responsible. Still no drinks and not planning any.
Much much love to you all.

trachemys

That's great to hear, Wilting.

Grymt

Truly Inspiring. Thank you for sharing.