Notices

I think I am ready

Old 03-10-2013, 12:50 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
EGG
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Santa Fe, NM
Posts: 7
I think I am ready

I have a live-in boyfriend of 9 years. When we met, I had no idea he had a crack cocaine and marijuana addiction problem. When we met, he was not even drinking alcohol. As far as I knew, he was clean until his behavior started to change 2 years into our relationship. I went a whole year feeling crazy trying to get him to communicate with me. I knew something was wrong but I had no idea until one day I stumbled upon his powder cocaine in my house! He was hanging around people who were giving it to him and eventually, he also went back to crack...still a crackhead now..the pattern is that he does crack every 10 days or so. I have learned to live my own life...I stopped nagging..so basically, now we have separate lives. I have my hobbies, friends, work etc. He has his drug friends, work, etc. We have a home life together..for awhile I accepted that because we used to have so much in common...music, humor, way of thinking. But lately, I have been feeling like I am cut-off from him...he is not emotionally available or present in this relationship. There is nothing I can do to engage him. He will not leave my home voluntarily. I am going to have to get a court order according to the law in our State..have him served ...and then after 30 days!!! I can have him forcibly evicted. I don't know if I have the strength to be around him for 30 days! I just wish he would leave. I have told him I want him gone..but he thinks I am bluffing. I do love him deeply and he knows that. What he does not realize is that even though I still love him, I am seeing that it is not acceptable to me anymore, living like this..with a shell of a person...and since I cannot change him or ignite any kind of action for him to want to change...I think it is time for me to be rid of him. God help me! I know this is going to be so extremely painful. I want to be sure I am 100% ready to do this before I open of that can of worms. But I am probably about 90% at this point. I keep hoping but I see now that I am fooling myself. He goes to a therapist once a week and for awhile it helped with our communication..but he is still doing crack every 10 days and he has to have pot every single day. My heart is sick, realizing what I should do. The back and forth trying to decide is killing me. I guess I am on the edge waiting for a good reason to jump...proof? that it is time? to end it once and for all? No contact time? I am afraid I don't have what it takes to get through this. Thanks for listening. Your responses are welcome..that is why I posted this for some feedback.
EGG is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:29 AM.